


Fading

by alyssa146



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Cancer, Childhood Friends, Depressed Jared, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hurt Jared Padalecki, Illnesses, Jared has cancer, Love Confessions, M/M, Others - Freeform, Protective Jensen, Sick Jared Padalecki, Young Jared Padalecki, Young Jensen Ackles, Young Love, fragile Jared, remission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-12 10:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 66,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4475963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyssa146/pseuds/alyssa146
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After three long years of having leukemia, Jared had given up hope on going into remission. He continued going to treatments and school when he could but he never lived life the way he should. Jensen was always his best friend and the reason Jared hadn't fully let go. Jensen was the reason Jared gave life another look. Jensen showed Jared the right way to live and even how to love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> Ok heres another fic! This one will be very different from what I usually write and I hope y'all like it. It will be a cancer fic as you can tell from the tags, I am not a medical doctor but my dad is so whatever medical lingo I use in here is from him. Be prepared there will obviously be some sad parts in this story, and Jensen will be more sensitive in this fic than the others because of Jared's sickness.

Three years ago...

Jared lay in the hospital bed, feeling worse than he had in months. It had all started about four months ago. The young fifteen year old had been wrestling with his best friend, Jensen, when Jared fell of the bed and hit his arm against his bedside table. A few hours later, Jared had a large bruise covering that part of his body. After that he began having usual flu-like symptoms and was frequently missing school because of it.

Now, Jared was waiting test results and lying in a horrid hospital bed, wishing it was already three o’clock so Jensen would run through the doors and give him a big hug. Jared loved his best friend and Jensen had been the reason Jared was even getting tests done. The chestnut-haired teen didn’t want to worry his mother; she had enough to worry about with the passing of her husband.

Jared looked at the clock hanging on the wall across from him; only two thirty. More than anything, Jared wanted his best friend. He felt weaker when Jensen wasn’t around, like some big thing in his life was missing. For the most part, he was right. Jensen had been there for Jared since they had been little boys, running around and throwing mud at one another.

“Mom!” Jared called, knowing his mother was trying to clean up a little in the small bathroom. 

They had been in the hospital since late the night before when Jared had passed out in his room, Jensen coming by with the day’s homework to find him. It was a rude awakening for Jared and Jensen. Neither of them had realized the seriousness of how sick Jared was until then.

Sharon came running out of the bathroom, obvious to have been crying in there. “What is it sweetheart?” she asked worriedly and rushed closer to Jared.

“Can I use your cell phone to text Jensen? I forgot to tell him the room number last night,” Jared smiled weakly and tried to sit himself up but Sharon simply pushed him back down, laying her thick phone into Jared’s hand.

“Remember to tell him I’m picking him up from school and thank him again,” Sharon smiled softly and kissed her son’s forehead. “I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t found you.”

Jared blushed subtly and squeezed his mom’s hand. She was so emotional now when normally; she wouldn’t show any kind of pain. She liked being known as strong and able to handle anything; Jared knew better than that.

“I will, Mom.”

His fingers felt heavy as he tried to write a message to his friend. Jared hated how weak he was suddenly feeling and wished that he hadn’t ever gotten sick with whatever it was he had. The doctors had all of his results in and were going to tell him nearly three hours ago but Jared wanted to wait for Jensen. It was Jensen that had taken him to his mother when he had passed out, after all. It was Jensen that had realized the first time Jared had thrown up that things weren’t right.

Jared sighed and finally sent a text message to his best friend but before the message had even connected to the service, the room door was opened and the tawny blonde stepped through the door, panting softly.

“Jen,” Jared smiled at him and reached out.

Jensen ran over to him, scooping Jared carefully into his arms and sat next to him. “My mom picked me up early. She’s so worried about you, so is my dad. They said this was more important than school at the moment,” he smiled softly at Jared but it didn’t reach his eyes, he was too frightened.

“Tell them not to worry, I’m okay,” Jared said and nuzzled against Jensen’s chest. The bristly haired boy smelled of smoke. “Jen, what did I say about smoking?”

Jensen opened his mouth to defend himself but the door was opened again and one of the scariest men Jared had ever seen stepped into the room. Sharon came out of the small bathroom and the man glanced at her, giving her a sympathetic smile then turned back to Jared and Jensen.

“I have your results...” the doctor said quietly and pulled a chair close to the bed. 

Jared nodded and his nails dug into Jensen’s side. “Just tell me, sir,” Jared murmured, his eyes already prickling with tears.

Sharon sat on the other side of Jared and held him as close as she could since Jensen wasn’t letting go either. All three sat there, worried, tired and most of all, sad. There was no explaining what was going to happen and there was no way of turning back time now.

The doctor sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “You’re so young, this is so hard for me to say...” he sighed and looked into Jensen’s eyes. He had a feeling that Jensen was someone that was really holding Jared together, no matter what the issue was. He sighed once more and closed his eyes tightly. “Jared, you have leukemia...”

Jared’s world came shattering to the ground in front of him as did Jensen’s and Sharon’s. No one had expected Jared to have something so... life threatening. Sharon was not going to cry in front of her son and she quickly walked out of the room, calling the doctor to follow her.

Jensen held Jared close to his chest, allowing them both to sob uncontrollably. How could he have leukemia? It didn’t make sense at all. Sure he had been sick, bruising easily... bleeding a lot when he’d get cut and even losing weight... Those were all related to leukemia too. It hadn’t ever crossed Jared’s mind before.

“Jensen,” Jared sobbed, clinging tighter to him. He didn’t know what he wanted to say and he didn’t know if he could actually say anything else but he needed to know that Jensen was going to stay by his side during everything that happened, no matter what.

The freckled face boy tried his hardest to control his tears. He smoothed his hands down Jared’s back and kissed the boy’s forehead. “It’s okay,” he murmured, his voice cracking. “I’m going to be right here...”

One year later...

Jared’s eyes grew wide and he placed his hand tightly over his mouth, getting up and running as quickly as he could to the bathroom, Jensen inches from his heels. He leaned over the toilet, the contents of his stomach pouring into the bowl as his best friend held his hair back. Jensen shook his head and bit his lip, rubbing Jared’s back up and down, trying to calm him a little bit.

The russet-haired teen continued for a moment before leaning down on the floor and staring up at Jensen, tears welling in his eyes. “How long is this going to go on?” Jared asked, a few beads of moisture cascading down his cheeks.

Jensen knelt down and wiped the corners of Jared’s mouth with a paper towel. “They said it was getting better, slowly. Just keep your head held high, Jared,” Jensen whispered and tossed the paper into the toilet, flushing and picking Jared up into his arms.

Jared shook his head and pressed his face to Jensen’s neck, crying softly. It had been a long year of doctor visits and going from hospital to hospital over the summer. Some places they went only seemed to make things worse and other places made Jared think he was going to live forever but nothing was really fixing his sickness.

“I’ve kept it high for a year, Jensen. I can’t do this much more. I’m so tired,” Jared sighed softly and looked back into Jensen’s eyes. “You’re tired too, just like my mom. God, your parents have to hate me for keeping you with me all the time. You’re probably failing most of your classes because of me.”

Jensen shook his head and kissed Jared’s cheek. “Don’t worry about me or my parents. All they want is for you to be happy and healthy. My grades are average Bs,” Jensen replied and picked Jared up completely, carrying him back to the bed and laid him down. “I’m going to get you some water and see if the doctor a bucket. You don’t need to be running around like that.”

Jensen laid another kiss on Jared’s forehead before stChadng up and beginning to walk out of the room but Jared caught his wrist. “Jen?” Jared murmured and the spiky-haired boy turned back to him. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you and that’s why you are getting healthy,” Jensen smiled; his cheeks slightly pink and gave Jared’s hand a squeeze. “Do you need anything else?”

Jared shook his head and snuggled down into the bed, smiling as Jensen walked out of the room.

Another year later...

Jensen pulled his best friend’s tie a little tighter. “You look fine, Jay,” he smiled as Jared scrunched his nose up. “That’s not the right word. You look stunning.”

Jared blushed and slapped Jensen’s hand. “You’re wicked, you know? I don’t even want to go to prom. There will be another one next year,” he grumbled and muttered “if I live that long” under his breath.

Jensen sighed and looked down. “Please? It’s hard enough seeing you at home all the time. Do this one thing for me Jared, and keep a smile on your face?”

Jensen was exhausted from arguing with Jared, trying to coerce him into going to the dance... It took him nearly two months before Jared finally caved in a long as Jensen stopped missing school during testing for Jared’s health. It was a tough sell but Jensen allowed it since testing was only one week in the ending of the school year and the boys were nearly done with junior year anyways. Jared could be in remission next year.

“Okay, for you. But the second I get tired can we leave?” Jared asked, his fingers winding into Jensen’s dreadlocks. “I’d hate to pass out and have people wondering what’s going on.”

They hadn’t really told people why Jared missed so much school or why he was always sick. Very few people knew; Jensen, Sharon, the teachers and Jared’s newest close friend Chad knew. Chad’s own leukemia had been in remission for a few months and that was what had brought them together in the first place.

“Yes, the very second,” Jensen smiled and kissed his best friend’s forehead.

Jared’s stomach fluttered at the affection but he let it slip by. It didn’t mean anything, really. Jensen was always sweet to him lately though, Jared's belly was acting funny to sweet little forehead and cheek kisses. It was beginning to get on Jared’s nerves too.

Jared felt another flutter in his belly but he knew it wasn’t from any of the love Jensen was showing him. He closed his eyes tightly before opening them again and darting out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom. Jensen sighed and followed him quickly, to see Jared losing the small lunch he’d had into the toilet. Jensen moved closer to his side and knelt down, wetting a washcloth that was always kept by the sink and moving Jared’s hair away from his face.

Jared sighed and spit into the toilet, flushing and falling to his bottom. “Okay, I’m good now but I should probably brush my teeth again,” Jared said and gently took the washcloth from Jensen, wiping his mouth. “Did I get any in my hair?”

Jensen rolled his eyes and tugged Jared’s tie off. “There’s next year and different dances too. You aren’t going out tonight,” Jensen replied, moving forward to pick Jared up. Jared whimpered, trying to break free from Jensen but it was no use, he was too weak. “It’s okay, really. We’ll go out to get ice cream later and we can just watch movies in your room.”

Jared grumbled randomly but gave in to his best friend. There was no point in arguing with Jensen; He always won. Jared wiggled and eventually got his legs around Jensen’s waist, hugging him tightly. “Thank you and I’m really sorry. I felt just fine but it... snuck up on me.”

Jensen smiled softly and slowly retreated to Jared’s bedroom. He sat Jared onto the bed. “Which pj pants do you want? Shorts or the blue ones?” Jensen asked, holding them both up.

“Neither, I’m hot,” Jared pulled his black dress pants off weakly, struggling with getting them over his feet and eventually put them on his dresser. He unbuttoned his dress shirt and laid down, wearing nothing but boxers and his white undershirt. “Could you get me some water and turn on the fan? Then I wanna watch Bambi,” Jared smiled as Jensen rolled his eyes.

“Is that still in the basement?” he asked, peeling the tie off of his neck and kicking his shoes off next to the closet door then walking over to turn on the box fan that sat facing the head of Jared’s bed..

“Mhm. Grab Into the Wild while you’re down there too,” Jared said.

“Fine, fine,” Jensen chuckled and walked out of the room, heading downstairs.

Jensen did love helping Jared out and just being his friend but he wished Jared would get better. He missed when they would wrestle and have weird competitions together. Most of all, he wanted his best friend with a free sprit back. Jared was always the one to force Jensen into doing something he thought was stupid or just downright crazy but now, Jared was iffy on every decision he made.

Jensen grabbed a chilled water bottle from the fridge and his cell phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He smiled when he saw Jared’s name flashing with a new text message.

‘Across the universe, too? I want some good Beatles music.’

Jensen simply chuckled before heading downstairs to gather the three movies Jared wanted. He’d do anything for his best friend, no matter how crazy.

As the blonde climbed back upstairs to Jared’s room, he found his best friend curled into a small ball on the bed, sleeping peacefully. Jensen smiled and placed the movies and water on the end table before getting into his own pjs and climbing into the bed next to Jared, wrapping a protective arm around his friend .


	2. First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The J's start their first day of school back since Jared's been sick, and its not a wonderful day.

Present – August Twentieth

Jensen sighed and rolled over to see the mattress next to him was empty. Rubbing his eyes slowly, Jensen sat up slowly and looked around the room. The clothing he had set out for Jared was gone and the alarm clock only read five thirty so he wasn’t sure if Jared had gotten sick or was just up early to get ready.

For Jared, it was his first day in public school since the failed attempt at going to prom in May. After that he’d had endless tests and treatments, all of his school work being completed at the hospital while Jensen would come by every day to take it and turn it in. Both of them hated the way things were turning but it had to happen. Jared’s leukemia was lightly worsening before it got better and the doctors were beginning to think he was going to stop responding to treatments. No one gave up hope though, other than Jared.

Over the summer when the teen had to go a month without his treatments, he had practically given up total hope. He told Jensen that it was pointless because he was going to die from the cancer that no one had a cure to. He wasn’t going to live through it and he found no reason to continue fighting. At the beginning of August though, he went back to treatments, against his better judgment. Jared didn’t think it was useful anymore. Three years of the same thing was starting to wear on him.

Jensen stood up and slowly walked out of the bedroom, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Although it was the first day of school, Jensen’s parents had allowed him to stay with Jared since Jensen was the only person that usually got Jared moving on days when the sick teen just wanted to laze around.

As Jensen padded down the hallways he ran into Sherri who was frantically looking through a pile of papers on the floor. “Mom?” Jensen said softly and knelt beside her. They were like a weird close family in some ways and after practically living with the Padalecki family for the last two summers; Sherri forced Jensen to call her mom.

“Hey, have you seen Jared’s school papers? I can’t find them anywhere and he told me he was okay to go to school today. His medical reports and such, I need those,” she flicked through another thin stack of papers and grunted.

“I pulled those out last night so you wouldn’t have to worry. I already put them in Jared’s bag,” Jensen replied, standing up and holding his hand out for Sherri. 

Instead of taking it, she stood up and hugged Jensen tightly. “Thank you so much,” Sherri whispered, her short blond hair tickling Jensen’s nose. “I know I’ve been saying this a lot in the last few years but it means a lot that Jared has you. I don’t know what I would do if he weren’t with me anymore. I really think you’re the reason Jared is still alive...” Sherri sniffled into Jensen’s shirt.

Jensen smiled softly and kissed the top of her head. “I’m happy to help. Jared is always going to be my best friend, Mom.”

She smiled and pulled back, smiling up at him. “I should probably get ready for the day too. Tell Jared that I know he’s almost out of shampoo but I’ll get some on my way home from work,” Sherri smiled and started to walk away. She threw a questioning look at Jensen but shook it off and continued downstairs.

Jensen walked down to the bathroom and gave the door a knock. “Jared? Are you in there?”

He heard the water of the bath splashing a little bit. “Come in, Jen,” Jared giggled. Jensen stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. “You know, every time I get up and you’re still sleeping, I come in to take a bath and you never seem to check here before talking to my mom.” Jared giggled again and sank further into the water, blushing like a maniac.

“Maybe I like talking to your mom,” Jensen smiled and leaned against the back wall. “Anyways, I just wanted to tell you to hurry up because I still need a shower. Oh, your mom is going to pick up more of your shampoo after she gets off work.”

Jared smiled at Jensen, flicking some of the water at him. “You should shower with me. I still have goop on my back from the band aids from those shots yesterday,” Jared’s lips curled into the cutest most innocent smile and Jensen couldn’t deny him.

“Let me go get my clothes. Drain the tub and start the water,” Jensen smiled and tossed a washcloth at Jared’s head. “I’ll be back soon.”

Jared smiled big as Jensen left the room and pulled the plug on the drain. Showering together wasn’t a really big deal because the boys had known each other for so long. When they first met and for the following years, they would always take baths together. By the time they reached thirteen, it stopped but since Jared had gotten sick, it happened once in a while.

“In your brown eyes, I walked away,” Jared began singing to himself. “In your brown eyes, I couldn’t stay...”

Jared continued singing the song as he turned the water on for the shower and closed the curtain behind him. For some reason, he was feeling extremely good. The pain he always had in the pit of his stomach was gone, the dizziness in his head wasn’t as strong as normal and his muscles felt completely relaxed.

“So baby, turn the record on, play that song,” Jared sang out, making the last note sound more dramatic than it needed to be.

As Jared continued the song, the door of the bathroom opened and closed. Jensen grinned to himself when he heard Jared singing so sweetly. It made Jensen’s heart soar because Jared only sang when he felt good. Slowly, the blonde teen stripped himself of his night clothes and pulled the curtain open slowly.

Jared giggled and stepped under the water. “How much of that did you hear?” he asked, wetting his hair.

Jensen smirked and got into the shower behind Jared, picking up the brunette-haired teen’s special shampoo. “A little of it. You’re getting better with it too,” Jensen said and squeezed a bit of the soap into his hand.

Jared pouted and moved closer to Jensen, pushing his hair back over his shoulders. He was really happy that treatments weren’t making his hair fall out, yet. “Do you think I could do the end of the year talent show?”

Jensen slowly worked his fingers threw Jared’s hair, careful to be gentle. “I think so. You sound great, even if it’s just to the shower head.”

Jared giggled and leaned into Jensen’s hands. Jared knew he was a rather good singer; he had always done it for the fun of letting feelings flow through your words. Jared didn’t know about the talent show though. He had said it just because he wanted an honest opinion but wasn’t sure he’d even make it that long.

Jensen pushed Jared under the shower head and rinsed the shampoo from his hair. Since the treatments had started for Jared, he had to use a special shampoo that didn’t have a great smell but didn’t have chemicals that was upset his body. 

As Jensen ran his fingers threw Jared’s freshly washed hair he felt his stomach heating up in a pleasurable way. He knew the feeling because he had felt it before but never for Jared. Jensen had had the feeling for boys and girls alike but never, ever his best friend.

Pushing aside the feeling the best he could, his eyes wondered down Jared’s small body seeing a few bruises hugging the flesh in various places. He saw the little goop spots that Jared had mentioned and slowly got it off, being as careful as possible but when Jensen’s fingers pressed against the milky, purple tinted skin of his best friend, the fire in his body exploded.

Jensen bit his lip and finished getting the goop off Jared’s bruised skin. “There,” he murmured, his voice shaking.

Jared turned to him and smiled. “Thanks,” he beamed and grabbed the luffa and body wash from the shelf behind Jensen, Jensen flinched away from Jared when Jared’s elbow grazed Jensen’s arm. “Op, sorry,” Jared said, frowning when he realized Jensen pulled away from him.

Jensen didn’t say anything though and neither did Jared. Sometimes, things got awkward between friends and they knew it would happen to them from time to time. As they finished showering, Jared began singing again.  
* * *

 

“What classes do we have together?” Jared asked, pulling his backpack into his lap as he sat himself in Jensen’s car. “Oh, what about my medicine?”

“We have every class but second and seventh together,” Jensen said, smiling softly. “And I put your medicine in your bag.”

“Okay. What classes do you have second and seventh?” Jared asked, opening his bag to look for his own schedule.

“I have guitar lessons and digital media. I think you have choir and study hall,” Jensen replied, waiting for Jared’s response to being in choir.

Jared’s eyes shot to Jensen’s face as he stopped looking in his bag. “Choir?” he wondered, his voice soft and almost fragile. “Jen, you didn’t...”

The dirty blonde kept his eyes on the road and allowed a grin to be painted across his lips. He had gotten Jared into a choir class and he had planned on letting Jared know before but he thought telling Jared when it was too late to change his classes was a little more interesting.

“I did. It’s your last year in school and you needed to let go a little bit,” Jensen murmured softly, giving a sideways glance at Jared. “Do you remember when I would record you doing stupid or random things last year?”

Jared nodded and gasped. “You jerk! You showed them me singing like that?”

Jensen’s cheeks turned slightly pink and he licked his lips. “How else was I going to get you into the class without forcing you to sing in front of Ms. G? You sound good singing Chasing Pavements a Capella anyway. That’s why if you look on your schedule you’re in a Capella choir.”

Jared’s jaw dropped and he stared at Jensen like he was crazy. It was unbelievable the way that Jensen could do things behind Jared’s back. When he sang that song, he was merely messing around with his computer, bored out of his mind when Jensen started recording. Jared hadn’t thought that Jensen was using the clips for anything.

“Are you mad at me now?” Jensen requested when they got to the school and Jared still hadn’t said anything to him.

The chestnut teen shook his head. “I’m not mad at all but I am stunned... Why do you treat me so well?” Jared put his hands on his face, as if trying to rub the confused look away from his skin.

Jensen beamed and pulled into the school parking lot. He was proud to have made Jared happy and stunned him completely. “I treat you so well because you’re my best friend and you deserve it,” Jensen said softly, pushing the hair in Jared’s face back. “Let’s go turn in your medical forms and find out where our first period is.”

Jared smiled and slowly got out of the car, swing slightly as he got his balance. He was beginning to feel dizzy but not sick; he figured it was just his nerves getting the best of him. That day was his first in that school in so long he thought he forgot where most of the rooms were. Jared looked up at the brick building in front of him and took a deep breath; he hadn’t remembered it being so big last year.

“Jared?” Jensen asked worriedly. “Are you okay?”

Jared simply nodded and looked at Jensen, slowly walking over to him. “Are you sure I can do this? I start taking Cytoxan next week and I could start losing my hair more. I don’t want them to make fun of me if that does happen,” he whispered and bit down on his bottom lip.

It was hard hearing Jared say things like that. If the cancer hadn’t ever shown up he would have been jumping around, ready to get into the school day even if it was the first of a new year. Leukemia was taking everything out of Jared, he had stopped doing all the things he normally liked and simply did the things he was forced to do; that probably hurt Jensen the most out of everything. Jared had changed in some ways and that was not okay.

“It’s okay,” Jensen murmured and stroked Jared’s cheek with his thumb. “I’m sure if your hair does go, they’ll let you wear a hat. Plus, why would people make fun of you for that?”

Jared looked down at the ground and sighed. “The bruises on my arms last year got me made fun of. You know your old friends hate me for getting your attention all of the time,” Jared muttered and cupped his hand in Jensen’s. “They start stuff and it spreads.”

Jensen felt the same heat in his stomach from the shower when Jared’s hand molded into his own. “I know they do but that’s what I’m here for. Best friends take care of each other, right?”

The younger boy pouted. “What have I done to take care of you in the last two and a half years?”

Jensen shut his eyes tightly and squeezed Jared’s hand, slightly frustrated. They’d had the very same talk a few weeks before. Jared always thought he was taking advantage of Jensen and that he was ruining Jensen’s chances of having a steady girlfriend or boyfriend or just more friends. Jensen knew that wasn’t true and Jared did too, even if he didn’t want to admit it. In all of their lives as friends, they wanted to be best friends and purposely pushed other people that wanted to invade their friendship away. When it came to Jared and Jensen’s feelings about the other, they were possessive.

“You’ve been my friend and when my parents had to go on a business trip this summer, you let me stay with you. You’ve let me practically live with you and go to all these different hospitals in cities I thought I wouldn’t ever see,” Jensen opened his eyes and put his free hand in Jared’s hair. “You know I care about you and want you to be cancer free, so what if I take care of you a little more than it’s returned? I’m doing it because I love you, Jared.”

Letting a deep sigh pass his lips, Jared felt his cheeks turning red and looked away. “I just wish I could get you someone that’d make you a little more happy than just me.”

Jensen shook his head, taking his hand from Jared’s head and chuckled softly. “You say just having you is like some kind of bad thing,” Jensen chuckled quietly and pulled Jared into a gently hug. “Even if you did find me someone, you’d come first and most of the people in this school know that,” he whispered directly into Jared’s ear.

Jared shivered and hugged his best friend slightly tighter. He knew Jensen just wanted him to be the happiest person alive but he couldn’t keep his mind away from the fact that things might end soon. “I love you,” Jared whispered and sighed happily.

The heat was in Jensen’s stomach again, pushing farther though his body until it was boiling behind where Jared’s hands were resting on his shoulders. Jensen sighed when he felt the beads of sweat prickling on his skin; what was happening to him?

“I love you, too. Let’s go inside now,” Jensen murmured, pulling away from the hug but cupping his hand with Jared’s once more.

Jared smiled and began humming Chasing Pavements as they walked into the large building that was West High School .


	3. School Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared dosent have a good day

Jared frowned and messed with the side of his bag. The teacher just wouldn’t shut up long enough for Jared to ask for a seat change. Jared wanted to be by Jensen but of course, he wasn’t. Jared sighed and turned his mind onto another topic.

Most of the people were giving him weird looks. He knew he should have been used to the looks, since he got those most of the time but it was the first day of school. Weren’t people supposed to be nice to one another and tell funny stories about the summer and how much they were missed? Jared figured that some of his acquaintances would talk to him but they didn’t.

The bell rang and Jared glanced to the back of the classroom where Jensen was sitting and slowly made his way over to Jensen, hugging his bag close to his chest. For some reasons, Jared felt weird. His insides were making him just want to crawl into a hole and hide forever. 

Jared stared blankly at the back wall. It would be nice to hide away forever, and then there wouldn’t be people behind him snapping pictures of the bruise showing from where his shirt was slightly pulled up. Jared knew they were there but didn’t mind them, he just stared ahead, thinking about anything he could to get his mind off of the people of his school.

Jensen didn’t try shaking him from the trans-like state; he simply pulled Jared’s shirt down and pushed him along beside him as they walked toward the choir and music room. Jared wanted to clear his head and body of all bad things and he used to think if he thought hard enough of being caner free, he would be but that had been a dream that died when he hit his one year mark since being diagnosed.

Jared sighed when he realized Jensen had put a kiss on his cheek. “We had all classes together last year,” Jared pointed out and finally looked the freckled boy in the eyes. “And the year before. It’s weird not having you there at all times.”

Jensen sighed softly. “You’ll be fine without me and who knows; maybe you can make more friends than me. I get annoying after so long,” Jensen uttered and put his hand on Jared’s arm.

“Okay. I feel so clingy but I don’t like being without you. What if I pass out or get sick?”

“Jared stop worrying, I’m right across the hallway and the teachers know what to do if something happens; get a hold of your mom then me,” Jensen sighed once more and pushed Jared’s bangs out of his face. “Go to class and show them up. I have to go or I’ll be late.”

Jensen gave Jared’s arm a gentle squeeze before disappearing into the sea of students, leaving Jared feeling completely alone. Jared didn’t like how needy he had become to Jensen in the last few months but there wasn’t anything he could do. Jensen had always been there, even more so than Sherri at some points. Jared knew Jensen meant more to him than anyone had and it just hurt to be without him, like he was slowly becoming nothing without his best friend.

Grumbling incoherently to himself, Jared opened the door to the choir room and his eyes fell upon a familiar face; Chad was stChadng on the far side of the room talking to what looked like the teacher. The blond boy stopped in the middle of whatever he had been saying and stared at Jared with his eyes wide. Jared giggled and looked down, finding small arms around him in a few seconds.

The two were closer in the school year before, since Jared and Chad were going through the very same thing until about March. Jared was so envious of Chad then and still was. He wished he could stop throwing up at random times and needing to pee constantly and having to eat twice what he wanted to keep his weight at one hundred and forty pounds. Jared just wanted to be normal again.

Chad pulled back after a moment and pushed Jared’s hair behind his ears. “You look great, Jaybird,” he said and smiled warmly. “How have you been doing?”

Jared looked down and closed his eyes tightly at the double meaning of the question. “Fine, I guess. It’s still there and getting no better. Jensen and my mom have been taking good care of me though, it if weren’t for them I would have given up completely by now.”

“Completely? You mean you’ve given up some?” Chad wondered and lifted Jared’s chin again.

“Yeah. I’m giving up on chemo at the end of next week when I start taking Cytoxan,” Jared said quietly, hoping no one heard them.

“Chemo is what helped stop everything and radiation,” Chad murmured, realizing Jared still had yet to tell everyone the problem.

Jared nodded. “I start radiation after a six month trial with Cytoxan. They hope that is going to stop everything, even if I go bald,” Jared let out a nervous laugh and ran his hand threw the very short hairs atop Chad’ head. “I don’t know how you pulled it off so well.”

The blond let out a little laugh as Jared’s fingers ran through the very short hairs on his head. “It’s growing back, that’s all I care about.”

Jared nodded and looked behind Chad to see the room hadn’t calmed down any since the bell had rung. Apparently they weren’t doing anything that day.

“Can we sit down? I don’t usually stand this long,” Jared asked and blushed; he felt so lazy but he couldn’t help it, Jensen or Sherri were usually there to help him stand longer.

“Oh, yeah,” Chad smiled and walked over two chairs and Jared followed closely behind. “Okay, to get out of the depressing topic, tell me about you and Jensen. Did you two finally get together?”

Jared frowned and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What are you talking about, Chad? Jensen is my best friend. Are you on drugs?”

Chad laughed quietly and shook his head. “Do you remember last April when you passed out at my house with Jensen?” Jared nodded slowly, not completely following. “I saw the way that Jensen rushed to your side and held you while you were waking up. I saw the way you stared at Jensen, with a smile on your face when you saw it was him holding you against his chest, humming some song.”

“Let It Go, it’s by James Bay,” Jared murmured when Chad paused.

“That’s my point, Jared. You two are so caught up in the whole cancer thing that you don’t realize you’re totally and completely in love,” Chad shook his head again as if what he was saying was incredibly obvious.

Jared rolled his eyes and rubbed the side of his head. “You’re crazy. Jensen is my best friend.”

Jared thought he believed his words but as he thought longer on it he had to wonder, was Chad onto something?  
* * *

 

Jensen smiled when he saw Jared’s head through the rest of the students but his smile faded quickly as he saw Jared’s cheeks were red as well as his eyes. What could have happened in the last forty three minutes that would cause Jared pain?

“What’s wrong?” Jensen whispered, slipping his arm around Jared’s shoulders.

Jared frowned deeper and slightly hid into Jensen’s side. “My stomach hurts a little and my head is pounding,” Jared murmured, his eyes slowly locking with Jensen’s.

Jensen leaned closer to Jared’s ear. “Do you feel like you’ll get sick?” he murmured then pressed his lips to Jared’s temple. Jensen never liked how Jared would feel after being apart for a few minutes or longer; sometimes it worried him so much that he would cry about Jared’s health. Jared never saw that though, Jared didn’t even know that.

“I’m not sure, right now it’s just that throb that I get sometimes,” the hazel eyed teen murmured and put an arm around Jensen, supporting himself a little bit as well as guiding Jensen into their next class. “Oh no... Assigned seats...”

Jensen knew that Jared had a strange thing where if he didn’t sit by Jensen, he probably wouldn’t get work done. The teachers in the last few years understood that Jared would turn in homework or other things late but they hadn’t ever put it with Jared missing his best friend.

“We’ll see if we can get that changed, don’t worry. As for your stomach, your mom put some Tic Tacs in your bag this morning,” Jensen said, reluctantly pulling away from Jared as the bell rang.

Jared nodded but didn’t reply and took his seat on the opposite side of the room from Jensen. The blonde teen took his own seat, his eyes never leaving Jared’s face as his best friend looked through his bag, spotting the mints and relaxing slightly as he placed a few on his tongue. Jensen didn’t know what it was about those silly little mints that relaxed Jared and his stomach so much but he was happy they did.

As he sat there watching Jared’s eyes anxiously move from student to student then lChadng on the teacher, he couldn’t help but feel so sorry for Jared. Jensen wouldn’t have ever told anyone about the deep sorrow he felt because he knew Jared hated getting that from anyone but he still felt bad for Jared. It wasn’t that Jared had done anything in their lifelong friendship to deserve something so extraordinarily harsh but he still got the worst thing imaginable to live through.

“Mr. Ackles, would you mind switching seats with Mr. Lawson?” the teacher, Mrs. Corder said softly and gave Jensen a reassuring smile.

Jensen nodded and opened his mouth to ask who the Lawson kid was when he saw the boy next to Jared stChadng up with his things. “By Jared?” he asked, smiling happily.

“Mhm, thank you,” Mrs. Corder replied and turned back to her desk, picking up a few papers as the two teens swapped seats.

Jensen leaned back in his seat and Jared looked at him, grinning happily. Jensen returned the smile and found Jared’s hand slipping into his own. Jensen didn’t know why but he felt overjoyed to have Jared so close and holding his hand. It was a new feeling but he wasn’t going to fight it.

Jared felt the same on the inside but didn’t know Jensen did as well. They were both oblivious to the way things were changing on the inside, the sudden realizations about feelings were so new, neither thought a single thing would be said for many weeks, if at all. Who wanted to ruin a friendship over something that might pass by anyways?  
* * *

 

Jared sat in his seventh period study hall, groaning and trying to push through the sickness in his stomach. For lunch, he hadn’t eaten much because the school food was simply terrible but now he was regretting eating at all. In the back of his mind, he was telling himself to text Jensen and tell him he was feeling sick but Jared knew he had to be bugging Jensen with how clingy and dependant he was. Jared himself didn’t like the way he acted towards Jensen most of the time.

Then there was what Chad had said just a few hours ago. Did they really act like they were – dare he say it – in love? Jared hadn’t thought the actions he put towards Jensen were anything like that, just best friend stuff. Holding Jensen’s hand and asking him to shower with him, sleeping in the same bed, giving and receiving small kissing on the cheek or head was normal in their friendship to Jared. It never crossed his mind what other people thought of them.

Jared didn’t like thinking about Jensen being something more than his friend and slowly laid his head on the table. Maybe he’d get his seventh period study hall changed to something, anything that gave him work. Jared didn’t like having time to himself to think, it always ended up badly.

To keep from thinking about Jensen and everything Chad had told him, Jared closed his eyes and started to drift into a soft sleep, only to be awoken a few seconds later to a hand on his back.

Jared looked back, blinking a few times to finally get his eyes focused. It was Jensen, of course. Just as Jared wanted to stop thinking about him, he showed up. Jared sighed. “Hi, Jensen.”

“Hey. I saw you sitting here when I was on my way back from the bathroom. Bored?” he said, jokingly and pulled the chair out next to Jared.

Study hall for that period was always held in the commons – or lunchroom – so it shouldn’t have been a big surprise that Jensen would stop by sooner or later just to check in on Jared.

“Terribly. I got my work done in class for the first time in ages,” Jared replied quietly and looked around the room, trying to avoid eye contact the best that he could.

Jensen nodded. “Why don’t we do something after school? To celebrate the first day back without interruptions,” he said suddenly after a few seconds of awkward silence.

The sick teens eyes brightened and he smiled, forgetting the fact that he didn’t want to think about Jensen. “Can we go see San Andreas?”

“We went to see that...” Jensen stopped short when he realized what he was saying. They had went to see it a few weeks prior but Jared ended up passing out from the heat and the fact that he ate far too much movie theater popcorn. “Yes, we can.”

Beaming happily, Jared looked at the clock on the wall. “Get to class before your teacher comes looking for you,” he said and let out a soft giggle. “I’ll see you in twenty minutes.”

Jensen nodded and gave Jared’s arm a gentle squeeze before swiftly getting up and leaving the commons and Jared staring after him, wondering what it would be like to be in love with Jensen .


	4. Surprises

Slowly trudging up the front steps to the house, Jared pushed the door open and dragged himself over to the couch, dramatically falling forward and screaming into a pillow. Jensen followed him inside and walked over to Jared, pressing his ice cold hands to the back of his best friend’s neck. It was finally after school on Friday and even though they’d only gone to school three times that week, it had been a harsh three days on Jared’s body.

It was finally over though and Jensen’s hands were sending shivers throughout Jared’s body. “Ahh! Jensen, why are your hands so cold?” Jared squeaked and shot up, pushing Jensen down onto the couch.

Jensen chuckled softly. “I can’t tell you that,” he smiled and leaned forward, pressing his hands to either side of Jared’s face. “It feels good, doesn’t it? Don’t lie.”

Gradually, Jared allowed his eyes to fall shut and he tilted his face into Jensen’s hands. “My cheeks are hot...” he agreed softly and forced down Jensen’s hands a little more.

Jensen smiled and brought Jared closer to his body and stroked his cheeks tenderly. He didn’t want to ruin the moment or risk his hands heating up any, so Jensen merely allowed Jared to lie against his chest and feel the coolness of his hands. In all honesty, Jensen had stopped by the garden hose that lay outside of the house and covered his hands in the icy water before going to Jared. Deep in Jensen’s mind, it would have helped Jared just forget about the interesting day at school and coming from the sounds Jared let out when Jensen would touch his warm skin, he was right.

The shaggy-haired teen allowed little approving sounds out as the tips if his best friend’s fingers ran over his reddened and hot flesh. Both of them were smiling bright and Jensen could tell it was going to be a better night than the school day.

At school, they’d been assigned an English project, explaining everything they did over the summer, anything from hanging out with friends to getting completely drunk at a party was accepted and no one got in trouble for a thing they said. The only bad part of the project was it had to be honest and that meant Jared letting out his deepest secret. Mutually, Jared and Jensen couldn’t convince their English teacher to let Jared’s story be personal. It was going to be a hard paper to write and neither of them really thought they could do it and read it to their class the following Friday.

“Thank you, Jensen,” Jared whispered, opening his eyes and looking into Jensen’s. He smiled and his cheeks flashed hotter with a sudden blush.

“You’re welcome,” Jensen replied and ran his fingers over the bridge of Jared’s nose.

They stayed like that for a few more minutes, enjoying the peace of the moment and just enjoying the company of one another. Jared felt good, apart from feeling extremely hot and Jensen was just happy to have Jared in a good mood. Nothing was said for a long while, Jared eventually began to nod off and Jensen allowed it, humming him a soft song that didn’t actually have words.

 

Jared stirred and pressed his face against Jensen’s chest, inhaling deeply. He smiled softly and looked up at Jensen, pressing his hands flat against his best friend’s side. Jensen was sleeping still, his head laid against the back of the couch with a soft snore coming from his mouth.

Letting out a soft snicker, Jared slowly rose from the couch. He had an idea that might make Jensen feel good and in a way, it was taking care of him. Jared quickly walked back to the kitchen and saw a note from his mother hanging on the refrigerator: 

had to run back to the office for a few hours. Didn’t want to wake you and Jensen from your nap. Food money is under the cookie jar. Love!

Jared smiled softly to himself and grabbed the money from under Eeyore’s butt. Unfortunately, Jared wasn’t allowed to drive because he got tired so quickly so he couldn’t exactly go get food for Jensen but he could make them something.

What could he make though? Jared wasn’t completely incapable of cooking but he was no chef in the kitchen either. He could cook macaroni or pasta, open a can of soup and pop in it in microwave but that wasn’t anything special. Jensen could do that on his own and probably faster than Jared could.

Jared grinned as he got the perfect idea and set to work. He pulled out bread, ham and turkey, mustard, pickles, lettuce, cheese and mayonnaise. It was a good thing Jared knew how Jensen liked his sandwiches and what he would want to drink or eat along with it. Quickly but carefully, Jared made two sandwiches for himself and Jensen as well as throwing into a bag some chips and two bottles of apple juice, and a can of soda for Jensen. It wasn’t anything like Jensen had done for Jared but it was the thought that counted, right?

After putting the food and drinks into the bag and tucking the few dollars into his pocket, Jared went to wake Jensen up. Jared laid the bag on the coffee table and slowly pulled the hat from Jensen’s head then leaned in close, his lips right next to Jensen’s ear.

“I’ve got your hat,” Jared murmured and slowly backed away from Jensen.

Jensen’s eyes flew open as his hand rushed to his head. “Jared,” he said, serious the only emotion in his voice. “Give me my hat, please...”

Jensen was majorly over protective over his hats and everyone that had ever talked to Jensen knew that. On occasion, Jared would get away with touching them but most times, Jensen wasn’t willing to let his guard down about the hats.

“Oh please,” Jared giggled, examining the red fabric of Jensen’s hat. “You know I won’t hurt your precious hat.” 

Slowly, Jared brought the hat to his head and Jensen gasped but that didn’t stop Jared from slipping it onto his head and grinning as Jensen covered his mouth with his hand.

“Do you want to know my surprise or get your dumb hat back?” Jared grinned as he walked over to the couch and took his place beside Jensen once again. Jensen didn’t say anything and kept his hands away from the hat on Jared’s head. “Okay, that’s what I thought. I made us food and I think we should go down to the park by Dairy Queen to eat it, and then we should stop to get some ice cream.”

Jensen smiled and leaned forward a bit, reaching for the hat. Jared sighed and bowed forward, allowing Jensen so slowly pull it from his head. “Thank you, for both but are you up to going out?”

Jared frowned and flicked Jensen’s arm. “Don’t make me take your love and joy again; I’m perfectly fine to head to the park for a little while. Please? I already made our food.”

Jensen nodded and readjusted his cap onto his head. “What did you make us?”

“You’ll find out after you get your butt off the couch and get us to the park,” Jared smiled big and jumped up, grabbing the bag from the table and darting out the front door, Jensen not far behind him with his car keys in hand.

 

Another couple from school walked past the blanket that Jared and Jensen were sitting on and rolled their eyes, muttering words that neither boy could make out as the continued walking. They seemed to be giving them dirty looks as they walked as well but since it was dark, Jared and Jensen couldn’t tell.

“No, I have my last chemo this weekend. Next weekend we go to South Bend for my new medicines,” Jared continued talking as if the couple had never been there at all.

Jensen sighed softly and looked at Jared, a hint of pleading in his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Jensen muttered and began shoving the leftovers from their packed dinner into a little plastic bag. “We were having a good conversation without thinking about that... for a while...”

Jared leaned closer to Jensen and kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry, Jen. I never really think about how hard this is for you,” he whispered and moved back to where he was before. Jared didn’t say it as if he were mocking Jensen or like he was upset. He really didn’t think about how it was effecting Jensen.

“It’s okay,” Jensen sighed quietly and looked at Jared, whose eyes were glistening. “I just want things to get better for you and sometimes, I pretend they have.”

Jared nodded and wiped the tears that had fallen down his cheek. Jared didn’t like crying, especially in front of Jensen but sometimes he couldn’t help himself, mainly because Jensen was always around but also because he just needed to let go of his feelings sometimes. 

Jensen frowned as he saw the water falling over Jared’s soft skin and pulled Jared nearer, his arms winding around Jared’s small body. Jensen had a twinge of hatred in his stomach but not for Jared or even the cancer, it was towards himself. In the last years, he had been a bigger reason for Jared’s spilt tears than anything else, to him at least. Usually, Jensen would say the wrong thing at the wrong time and Jared would get frustrated and his tears would fall. Obviously, that wasn’t the total truth. Sometimes, it just happened on coincidence but Jensen wouldn’t believe it.

“I’m sorry, Jared,” Jensen murmured into his ear and stroked his side. “I just want you to be all better...”

Jared shook his head, pressing his face against Jensen’s shoulder. “I’m not going to live through this leukemia, Jen. I’m slowly fading away.”

Jensen closed his eyes tightly; fighting the tears he knew would spill if he didn’t. “No, don’t say that. It’s not true. You are going to get better. You’ll see,” Jensen’s voice cracked and he stopped, keeping Jared against his body.

It had been a long time since Jared actually broke down about his sickness, since maybe June even but now he couldn’t hold it back. Jensen was so confident all the time about it, like he knew something Jared didn’t, as if there was a cure out there somewhere that Jared himself didn’t know about. Never in the last years had Jared enjoyed his breakdowns, they always lead to headaches but for once, he felt good to let his feelings flow without having to say a single thing.

And the words of Chad from the day before were running circles in Jared’s mind again, as if his heart was finally telling his mind what he wanted. Jared knew better though, even if he did realize the love his heart thought there was for Jensen, it wasn’t the right thing to do. Getting involved with someone wasn’t on Jared’s list to do before he passed on because that would leave one more person heartbroken at Jared’s death, which the teen didn’t want.

As he thought of being alone for the next months – because Jared didn’t think he was going to live much longer – his tears fell faster and he clung tighter to Jensen’s frame. It hurt his insides to have such strong feelings coming to the surface after so long. Jared was sure he couldn’t change one thing that was happening in those few minutes.

Jensen sat there, his tears still held back but a lump in his throat, holding Jared against his chest and whispering the most random words he could into his ear, trying to calm him the littlest bit. Neither of them were supposed to get too upset, particularly around one another because that could lead to fights and even Jared passing out.

“Jay,” Jensen murmured, using the long lost nickname for his best friend. “Calm down, please.”

Jared did, slightly but continued to tremble against Jensen. “I’m sorry, Jen. I shouldn’t have made you stay by me all this time. It’s wearing on you, too. I know it is. I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to take care of me that should be my mom or myself even. I’m so sorr—”

Jensen pressed his finger over Jared’s lips. “Hush. You talk way too much,” Jensen said, shaking his head. “I’d be here even if you pushed me away. Let’s get some ice cream and just talk about this, okay?”

Closing his eyes tightly, Jared pressed his head against Jensen’s chest once more. “I... Okay but let me just tell you, I do appreciate everything you do for me. I don’t think I say that enough.”

“You do, Jared. I want you to stop apologizing though. That hurts me,” Jensen lifted Jared’s chin so they were looking into each other’s eyes. “I know that you care and I know that you wish I’d just have fun sometimes but there is no way in hell I am going to leave your side at a time like this. You are what is important to me all that is important to me.”

Jared nodded and leaned forward, kissing the side of Jensen’s mouth by mistake. “Thanks,” he whispered, ignoring how his blood was boiling in want to get more of Jensen’s lips and overlooking how every single part of his body felt like a live wire ready to burn whoever came in contact with him next.

“No,” Jensen shook his head and focused on Jared’s eyes again. “Thank you for allowing me to be your friend and take care of you.”

Letting a smile spread across his face, Jared threw his arms around Jensen’s neck and sighed. He was still slightly bummed about everything but now he felt better because he had his Jensen who liked helping him out.

They hugged for a few moments but soon, they were both feeling the fire in their stomach’s, burning so intensely that they thought it would make them scream in mere seconds if they did do something about it; ice cream would fix it, they hoped .


	5. Mount Baldy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys take a trip, someone new shows up and gives them mixed feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If yall haven't figured it out the boys live in Mishawaka, Indiana honestly not sure why I picked that location but I did, and Mount Baldy fit perfectly into that. Im so glad y'all are liking this fic Its very special to me, I've never written something like this before!

The doctor swiftly left the hospital room and Jared flung himself into Jensen’s outstretched arms. They had to get Jared’s new pills and though Jared had seemed so ready and secure about staring something else, he was terrified that they would only bring death faster.

Jared pressed his face into the crook of Jensen’s neck and Sherri walked up behind them, her arms slowly wrapping around them. “Boys, it’ll be okay...” she cooed into Jared’s ear, pushing his hair back and kissed the side of his head.

Jared choked out a sob and clung tighter to his best friend. How could anyone say it would be okay? No one else was dying from leukemia; no one else knew what he was going through. There were other people in the world with if, of course but they weren’t the ones stChadng around Jared and telling him he’d be okay when they had no idea that he would be.

Since the beginning of the entire process, Sherri hadn’t been able to comfort Jared much. His best friend had always been there so, what more did he need? Sherri pulled away quietly and tucked a twenty dollar bill into Jensen’s hand before mouthing ice cream and leaving the room silently.

Jensen rubbed Jared’s lower back and kissed his forehead. He had thought so many times that he would have taken this away from his young best friend in a heartbeat if he had gotten the chance but now, when Jared was forced into trying something that he definitely didn’t want to do, he really wished he could help Jared.

Much time passed, neither of them moving but to breathe and Jared to sob. It was hard on both of them to be so strong all the time. Jared had been strong for weeks, since June actually. He had kept his breakdowns private since then, when he found Sherri speaking quickly to her mother about how she hated seeing Jared cry. She ended up crying for days after that conversation, telling Jared it was merely feminine issues.

More time passed and Jared finally began to stop crying. He pulled back and wiped his eyes, happy he hadn’t put his normal dark makeup on that morning. “I’m sorry, Jen. I’m so scared though. I can’t keep that to myself much longer...”

Jensen kissed his forehead once more. “I know, Jared,” he whispered and wiped a few tears Jared had missed. “It’s okay to cry, you know. There’s no need to build up stress. That only gives you headaches.” Jared nodded and closed his eyes. “Pick something you want to do tomorrow.”

Jared stayed quiet and leaned his body against Jensen’s, his arms slowly finding their way around his best friend’s waist. They stayed close for a few minutes and Jensen smoothed his hands over Jared’s back, to keep him from beginning to cry again.

“We’ll go to Mount Baldy.”

Jensen nodded and pressed his face into Jared’s hair. “We’ll leave first thing in the morning.”  
* * *

 

Jared squirmed in his seat as he saw the Welcome to Michigan City, Indiana sign. It was only about ten in the morning but he was still excited beyond belief. Since the night before, he had been jumping about and rambling about everything they were going to do at the dunes. Never in the last two years had Sherri or Jensen seen Jared so excited; it was a very nice change.

“Sun block?” Jensen murmured, turning down the radio.

“SPF75. Legs, arms, chest, back and face,” Jared replied without missing a beat and smiled dimply.

Jensen glanced at him to see he had pulled his hair up. “Tops of your ears?”

Jared let out a soft chuckle. “Mhm. Mom made sure I got them good.”

“Good,” Jensen smiled and turned into the sandy parking lot of the dunes.

The spiky haired teen parked the car ad got out, slowly making his way to the trunk to gather their things. He was happy that they were able to leave Mishawaka for a few hours and just relax. More than anything though, Jensen was just happy to see a smile on Jared’s face.

“We’ll go for lunch and more sun block around two,” Jensen said and grabbed the beach bag as Jared bounced over to him.

“I want to swim the whole time,” Jared smiled and got their towels.

Jensen nodded and closed the trunk. “Are you ready to climb the hill?”

Jared’s eyes landed on Mount Baldy and his jaw dropped. Though Jared had gotten taller since his last visit, he thought that the mountain of sand had too; it looked incredibly impossible to climb, at least with his weak state.

“Oh my,” Jared breathed. “What about the side path?”

Jensen shook his head and pointed to a sign a few feet away. “Closed for remodeling,” he read and touched Jared’s hand. “We can do it, Jay. I’m here and we have plenty of water and your meds. Come on, it isn’t all that bad.”

Letting out a shaky breath, the teen nodded. “Okay. Let’s take it slow though, please.”

Jensen nodded and tugged Jared to the bottom of the hill, probably the highest in the areas but Jared knew the reward was waiting for him on the other side. The fresh blue waters of Lake Michigan, the soft sands and the beautiful view were beckoning to Jared.

“Don’t let go of my hand and keep talking, about anything,” Jared said abruptly.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” replied Jensen and they gradually began climbing the side of Mount Baldy.

Jensen hadn’t taken in the tone of his words until he had seen the soft pink clinging to Jared’s soft cheeks. Jensen liked the feelings he had for Jared, somewhat but in the truth of his mind, when he didn’t adore how Jared would blush; he only liked Jared as his best friend.

In the previous days, Jensen realized that the bizarre heating in his stomach was because he loved Jared. To an extent, Jensen thought it was just his mind playing tricks on him but as he thought more on the subject, it began to make sense. Jared would cuddle into his side and the heat would rise, Jared would giggle, blush or simply smile and it was there, burning his insides to a crisp. Jensen understood that it was cliché to fall in love with his best friend but he also understood it was cliché to hide it from him until it were too late.

“Jen, you’re supposed to be talk to me,” Jared said, snapping Jensen from his thoughts and panting softly.

“Think about how amazing that water is going to feel,” he whispered and clenched Jared’s hand faintly tighter. “It’s so much cooler than the water of the shower or my pool. And the sand between your toes...”

Jared laughed and pushed harder to get up the hill. “Okay, keep going.”

“Do you remember when we were last here? That spring break before...” Jensen left the word off but Jared understood he what he wanted to say and nodded. “You were really mad at me because I pushed you into the water but you ended up pulling my trunks down in front of everyone. Well that day, I got seventeen phone numbers; nine boys and eight girls.”

Jared frowned as he felt a pull of jealousy flow through his body. “How is that going to make me feel better? I got rocks thrown at me all day!”

Jensen shook his head and smiled smugly. “Because I never told you your cousin gave me his number that day too.”

Jared’s frown disappeared at once and he burst into laughter. “Which one?”

“The short blond haired one, I don’t remember his name. He told me I was dead sexy and he wouldn’t mind taking me to his bed,” Jensen said before joining into Jared’s laughing.

As the climbed the hill at a slower pace, they continued laughing. Jared knew his cousins were all oddly unusual but he never thought one of them would actually hit on his best friend. That was definitely a surprise and a quite funny one at that.

Soon, their laughing stopped and so did Jared. He clenched his chest and looked at Jensen, breathless. Laughing and trying to walk, while having the sickness he did wasn’t a good idea and that was went Jared realized it.

Jensen pulled him closer and spoke softly into his ear. “Breathe in and out, just as I am.” Jensen took in steady breaths and made sure he inhaled for a few seconds longer than normal, to get Jared to follow his patterns and lead him back to normal.

At a snail's pace, Jared’s breathing began to mimic Jensen’s but it was still far too shallow.

“Listen closer, Jared, copy me perfectly,” Jensen whispered and allowed his inhaling and exhaling to be completely normal.

Jared pressed his hands flat to Jensen’s chest and felt his chest rising and falling and was able to imitate his movements perfectly. Within a few more minutes, Jared’s breathing was back to normal, nothing but a slight whistle coming from him since he was breathing through his mouth.

Permitting a sigh of relief pass his lips, Jensen pulled Jared closer to his body and kissed the side of his head. Every single time Jared would do something like that, causing him to become short of breath, he would pass out or throw up, neither of which they wanted to happen, Jensen was greatly relieved to have been able to stop it and calm his best friend in the matter of less than twenty minutes.

“Are you okay?” Jensen said soft voice. “We can go back home if you think this is a bad idea...”

Jared shook his head quickly and picked up the towels he hadn’t realized he’d dropped. “I can do this.” he smiled softly and took tight hold of his best friend’s hand.

“We’re taking it slower,” Jensen announced as they began the hill again.

They climbed the hill in almost complete silence; Jared continued to hum random songs as they walked, keeping their pace slow and easy for himself. The hill was high and the sun was advancing in the sky but that didn’t stop them. Finally, they made it to the top and Jared let out a gleeful squeak.

“I told you we could do it,” Jared giggled and clicked his tongue. “You doubt me too much, Jen.”

Jensen rolled his eyes and pulled Jared off the top of the hill to a side part, covered by the shadow of a few trees. “I’m sorry for being concerned,” he snorted and spread out an oversized towel for them to sit on.

They both laid down for a few minutes, Jensen’s eyes on Jared’s as they calmed down from the interesting journey up Mount Baldy. Jensen loved the way Jared’s skin seemed to glow in the light of the early afternoon. He looked angelic. Slowly, the green eyed teen reached out and traced his fingertips over Jared’s jaw line. The younger boy giggled and leaned into his best friend’s gentle, loving touches.

For much time, the two teens laid there, laughing as Jensen’s fingers outlined Jared’s skin. Jensen had sat up and began giving Jared a back massage after a few moments but he never stopped his fingers from working on the purplish, ivory of Jared’s skin.

Jared shivered beneath Jensen’s strong fingers and closed his eyes slowly; he hadn’t felt so good in a long time. Jensen was making him feel so weird and Jared knew that Chad was right at that point. It had only been just over a week since the discussion but he couldn’t help himself. Every time the blond saw him in the hallway and Jared’s hand was clamped around Jensen’s, he’d give him a knowing look that embarrassed Jared to no end. Chad was right, he always would; he could just read people, no matter what.

“Excuse me, boys,” a woman spoke softly, bringing the two out of their thoughts. “Do you think I could sit with you for a moment? I’m awfully tired and I still have to make my way down the hill.”

Jensen looked up and moved to the side. She was an elderly Asian woman, with soft white hair and she looked like she had been walking for probably hours. Both boys frowned and moved over for her.

“It’s alright,” Jared whispered and moved over more, giving her enough room.

As she sat they both realized how thin her arms and legs looked. Jensen reached into their bag and grabbed the woman a water bottle. “Take this,” he murmured sweetly, hChadng it to her.

“Oh, son, you’re an angel,” she smiled and took a sip with her fading lips. “It’s been so cool up here; I hadn’t realized it was going to get this hot.” Jared and Jensen stayed silent as she took another drink then put capped the bottle and set it on the blanket before pulling a small flat box out of her bag. “You know, when I was your age, I’d come here with my boyfriend and we’d watch the clouds all day long.”

Jared coughed and looked at her with wide eyes. The woman smiled sweetly but her eyes looked sad. “Last year, he was taken in his sleep, lung cancer they think. I had been doing something so sweet for my husband and it was believed to work.”

“What were you doing?” he murmured, glancing at Jensen then back to her.

She was folding a small paper into a strange shape. “Ancient Chinese myths say if you make one thousand cranes, you’ll be permitted a single wish but it cannot be of truth love. I had begun when they told us he had cancer but I was too late; I was going to wish that his lung cancer would go away but...” she paused and finished a small bird, laying it on Jensen’s leg. “I still have over two hundred to make and my wrists are starting to give away. I’m not sure how many I can get done before my wrists are too bad for me to work.”

Jared turned his head and pressed his face into Jensen’s shoulder; that story hit too close to home and the woman knew nothing about Jared and his condition.

The woman frowned but began another bird and continued her story. “I’ve been walking this beach every day since he passed away, looking for someone that needed my wish and hoping I’d find someone and I think I just did.”

Silently, the woman finished the bird and laid it next to the first. She rose to her feet and picked up the water bottle and her bag. “I’d be more than happy to give you this wish if you wouldn’t mind telling me your name. It’s the only thing I can think of to repay you for your hospitality.”

Jensen looked up at him and gave her a soft smile. “His name is Jared and he has... leukemia,” Jensen said, muttering the last word very quietly.

“Well, Jared,” she murmured and walked to where she could see into his eyes. “I’m sure your boyfriend here will take great care of you and the moment I get that last crane done, I’m sure you’ll be feeling much better.” Without another word, the woman started down the hill, her eyes never looking back at Jared and Jensen.

The two boys turned to each other, their eyes soft and loving. At that point, it was obvious they had both been thinking of another in different ways for a few days and since she had pointed it out that they did look so close that they could be together, who were they to ignore the feelings any longer?

Jensen laid his hand on Jared’s cheek and leaned in closer. Jared moved with him and his eyes fell closed, Jensen’s following as their lips came together in a soft, subtle kiss .


	6. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared confronts Jensen

Jared sighed and leaned back in his seat. “Chad, can I tell you something?” he asked quietly, frowning deeply.

“Sure, what’s up?” the blond murmured and leaned closer to the thin teen.

Jared rubbed his forehead and looked down at his feet. It had been three days since Jensen and him had kissed and Jensen hadn’t spoken to him about it or even kissed him again. After they’d returned from the Indiana Dunes late Saturday night, Jensen had even gone home without saying more than a goodnight... Jared knew things would be weird whenever he did end up telling Jensen but he hadn’t thought his best friend would shut him out so completely.

On Sunday when Jared had called Jensen, the older boy never answered. Jared knew he was probably being paranoid but he couldn’t help himself. Jensen was his best friend and since the day they had begun talking so many years ago, they never went more than a few hours without talking. It was ridiculous.

If it hadn’t been for Labor Day the day before, Jared would have spoken to Jensen the moment he picked him up. That morning, Jensen had left a message with Sherri, explaining that he couldn’t pick Jared up but not giving any type of reason. Jared was scared he had messed everything up, even if it had been Jensen who leaned in first.

And that was everything he told Chad.

“So you two kissed this weekend but then he ignored you?” the blond repeated in short detail, wanting to fully understand.

Jared nodded. “Am I freaking out over nothing or what? I mean, he’s here, I saw him last period but he didn’t say anything to me and when I sat next to him, he completely disregarded me. I shouldn’t have ever listened to you and just pulled away before we kissed...” Jared spoke quickly and pressed his face into his hands. He didn’t need more stress than he already had. It felt like the world was already resting on his shoulders and now the Jensen thing was going to make it feel like he had the entire universe; it was too much for him. A few tears began to trickle from his eyes and Jared slowly began to tremble.

Chad reached over and rubbed his upper back. “Come on, Jaybird. I’m sure it isn’t all that bad...”

The sick teen’s tears continued to fall though and he pulled away from his friend completely. How was he going to go on if Jensen hated him? Jensen had been there since they were small and nothing had torn them apart, they had promised that at a young age. Jensen was supposed to be Jared’s best friend forever and nothing was supposed to break them down. Nothing.

Jared wiped his tears away just for more to gather as he cross the small classroom and stood next to his teacher. “Ms. G, may I use the restroom?” he asked quietly as his tears just continued to fall.

“Oh,” she gasped and grabbed him a laminated yellow paper. “Go, go. I hope you feel better.”

Without more than a nod, Jared darted out the door and headed down the hall to the bathroom, hiccupping and pressing his hand over his mouth; how could things have turned downhill so damn fast? Jared pushed the door to the boys’ bathroom open and gasped to see Jensen washing his hands. The brunette-haired teen began to turn out the door but before he could, Jensen was by his side, wrapping his arms around Jared’s small body.

“What’s the matter?” Jensen asked quickly, worry obvious in his voice.

Jared flinched slightly but didn’t stop himself from curling into his best friend. He felt like crap and there was a sudden nausea coming over his body; the day was getting worse and worse by the minute and it was hardly nine in the morning.

Jensen pulled him a little further into the bathroom and stopped in front of the sinks. Turning on the water, Jensen got a small amount of paper towel and dampened it, pressing the coolness against Jared’s forehead.

For several minutes, the two stood there, Jared crying quietly and Jensen doing nothing more than trying to chill Jared’s hot skin down. Jared hated that he had calmed into Jensen’s arms so easily but he wasn’t sure he could actually just walk away from him.

Nearly fifteen minutes passed before Jared’s tears began to slow down. Looking up slowly, Jared locked his eyes with Jensen’s. “W-what did I-I do?” he whimpered and pressed his face back to Jensen’s shoulder, a heart shattering sob escaping his lips.

Jensen shook his head and wrapped his arms tightly around Jared, kissing the top of his head. “Nothing, Jared. I’m sorry. I had to think.”

Jared hiccupped and pulled back from the hug, wiping away his tears and taking a few steps backward. “What about? I’m fucking dying you asshole and you had to spend three days thinking about if you wanted to really be with me or if kissing me was a dumb idea?!” Jared stumbled backwards and leaned against the farthest wall from Jensen. “I’m fucking dying...” he breathed out and slid down the wall, falling lightly onto the floor.

Jensen rushed to his side and pulled him up into his arms. He knew Jared was upset because neither of them ever cussed; it just wasn’t who they were. He also knew that thinking about it at all had been so stupid, it was completely obvious the way he had begun sweating as they kissed that he wanted to be with Jared; why did Jensen have to go think anyways?

“I’m sorry, Jay, so sorry,” Jensen whispered into his hair. “I shouldn’t have done that and I’m sorry. I love you, no matter what you are to me right now; boyfriend or best friend, I can’t lose you and I’m not going to...” Jensen paused and pulled back from Jared, looking into his eyes. “Don’t cry, please. I want to be with you...”

Jared leaned forward slowly and hiccupped again. “You aren’t... going to leave for three days again?” he murmured, his lips just a few centimeters from his best friends.

They both stood still for a moment but soon, Jensen pressed his lips against Jared’s, putting his hands on Jared’s hips and holding him closer. It was a ridiculous move to actually have to consider being with Jared in the first place but now, he had a feeling it was going to be okay. Kissing Jared was different from anyone else Jensen had ever kissed and he knew that he would be doing it for a long, long time.

Jensen’s kiss was a silent promise, a promise that both knew wasn’t going to be broken.  
* * *

 

Jensen sighed and turned around, leaving Jared’s bedroom as he heard the bathroom door being thrown open. He ran into the small room as Jared pulled his hair back and poured his stomach contents into the porcelain bowl. Another sigh passed Jensen’s lips as he leaned down and clipped Jared’s hair back and got the washcloth handy.

Jared had been rather sick for a few days and it was because of his new medication; he was going to feel worse before he felt better. Jensen leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Jared’s temple and continued rubbing small squares into his shoulder.

Soon, Jared leaned back and took the washcloth from his boyfriend’s hand and dabbed his mouth. Things were, thankfully, the same between the two since two days prior. They were the same Jared and Jensen but now, they kissed. It was no different at all. No awkwardness anywhere to be found.

“Are you alright?” Jensen murmured and took the cloth back, wetting it again and wiping Jared’s mouth. “I can get you some water if you need some.”

Jared flushed the toilet and closed the lid before sitting on it and putting Jensen’s cool hands against his forehead. “I’m fine. Thanks.” Jared’s eyes slipped shut and he grinned. “Did you cover your hands in the hose water again?”

Jensen chuckled. “No, I didn’t. I stuck them in the ice box when I was getting you your tea.”

The teen rolled his eye and flicked Jensen’s arm. “You could have just told me I was hot and gotten me an ice pack,” he muttered and reached over to the sink, grabbing his toothbrush and putting some toothpaste on it before wetting it and he began brushing.

“That sounds more like a compliment though,” Jensen smirked and stood up, leaning against the back wall. Jared merely rolled his eyes again and continued brushing his teeth.

After a few moments, Jared finished and leaned against Jensen. “I’m sleepy, Jen,” he whispered and wrapped his arms around Jensen’s torso.

Jensen chuckled softly and put his arms around Jared’s small frame. “Do you want to nap? I was thinking we could go to my house in a little bit and swim before my dad empties the pool.”

“We’ll nap for a little then go over. I miss being at your house,” the fox-eyed teen smiled sweetly and pressed a soft kiss to Jensen’s cheek. “Thanks, Jen.”

Jensen smiled and picked Jared up carefully. “You’re welcome, Jared,” he murmured and walked into Jared’s bedroom, laying him cautiously onto the bed.

Jensen pulled Jared’s shoes off and laid down behind him, curling a protective arm around his best friend’s waist before kissing the back of his head. Jared turned over quickly, keeping Jensen’s arms around him and nuzzled his chest. He liked how things were going at that point. Things were just as they should have been for years. Jared had someone for the first time since he was fourteen and was actually happy with the way that his life was going, apart from the cancer. He was just happy though. Having Jensen so close and willingly kiss him from time to time was perfect. Jensen was perfect and that made Jared smile wide before falling into a peaceful nap.

 

Jared curled closer to Jensen’s warmth and wound his legs between Jensen’s; he was suddenly freezing and far too tired still to say anything. Jensen’s arms became tighter around Jared’s waist and he pressed adoring kisses into Jared’s hair. They had only slept for about an hour but Jensen felt good about the way Jared was embracing into his body; it sent bliss throughout his entire being.

“Jared,” Jensen mused softly and brushed his fingers through his hair. “Do you still want to go swimming...?”

A soft noise left Jared’s mouth that didn’t sound like actual words but soon he replied. “Yes but give me... ten minutes...”

The blonde teen smiled against the top of his boyfriend’s head and nodded. “Of course.”

They laid there for a few more minutes until Jared moved back to look into Jensen’s eyes. “Do your parents know? My mom does but...” he trailed off and put his fingers against Jensen’s blushing cheeks.

“Well,” Jensen murmured, looking away from Jared’s intense eyes, making Jared pull his hand back. “When I got home on Saturday, my mom asked me why I was acting so funny and I told her what happened but I don’t know if she thinks we’re together or not... Dad knows. He told me to be careful with you and treat you like the prince you are.”

Jared giggled and hugged Jensen weakly. “That’s something my dad would have said,” he said and pressed his head to Jensen’s chest. “I miss him.”

Jensen closed his eyes tightly and pecked Jared’s temple. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“No,” the teen murmured, shaking his head. “It’s okay, Jen. He’s probably looking down right now and yelling at you to treat me well then yelling at me to treat you the same way.”

They both laughed softly. Gerald had always been a sweetheart when it came to how people should be taken care of. He was the nicest person Jared had ever met and probably one of the smartest most influential people in Mishawka.

“I think Daddy would be happy that I’m with you,” Jared hummed quietly. “He always loved you like you were part of our family.”

Jensen smiled faintly. “I promise that I’m going to take good care of you,” he said softly and pressed a light kiss to the top of Jared’s head. “I don’t think I could hurt you if I wanted to.”

“Thanks, Jen,” Jared giggled and looked up at him. “I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

The innocent expression on Jared’s face was completely priceless; his eyes were slightly big and his lips looked poutier than ever but he had the sweetest, most intoxicating smile across his face that brightened what seemed to be the entire house. 

Jensen grinned and leaned in close. “You don’t mind... do you?” he whispered, their lips just centimeters from connecting.

Jared shook his head slowly; his eyes falling closed and closed the last little gap between their lips. Never in his life had Jared thought kissing Jensen would have felt so good or kissing anyone for that matter. It was the perfect kiss, just enough pressure and lasted just long enough until they both separated, Jared blushing a deep crimson.

“I could get used to that,” Jensen whispered, his lips just barely brushing against Jared’s again and he laid another soft, careful kiss upon Jared's mouth .


	7. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared controls his sickness, Jensen has to reassure him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im glad everyones liking it! There is a happy ending but obviously before it gets better it gets bad.

Jared giggled softly and shook his head. “Don’t make fun of me!” he yelped and took a step back from the side of the pool.

“Oh come on,” Jensen called and waded towards him, laughing. “Ghost, just get in the water. It’s great and I’m here,” he teased.

The younger teen stuck his tongue out at him. “I’m only ghost-like because I can’t really go tanning,” he replied then took off running into the water, landing in a cannonball just inches from Jensen’s head. Jared rose from beneath the water and spat some into Jensen’s face. “Meany.”

Jensen instantly burst into laughter and tugged Jared close to his chest. Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen and pressed his face into Jensen’s shoulder. The water was cool around their bodies but warming them at the same time. Jared had been feeling warm before but now, with his body pressed to Jensen’s and the water of Jensen’s pool around him, he felt good and completely relaxed.

Jensen let go of Jared and splashed him with the water before diving into the water and swimming away quickly. Jared frowned and simply flipped onto his back and swimming backwards while staring at the sky. It was a nice way to relax.

Before Jared knew what was happening, the top of his head hit the side of the pool and he curled up a little, his hands clenching his head tightly. Jensen turned around, expecting to see Jared still smiling towards the clouds but when he saw Jared whimpering in pain, he rushed to his side, swimming as fast as he could. It broke Jensen’s heart to see Jared is so much pain, 

quickly; Jensen pulled Jared into his arms and pressed tender kisses to his head. “Shh, it’s okay, I’m here baby,” he whispered into his ear and carefully made his way to the steps, Jared still against his chest.

As he got to the steps, he sat down and pulled Jared into his lap. Jared had little tears falling from his eyes as he leaned into Jensen’s warmth, his head throbbing and his hands still clenching his skull. It was always hurt ten times worse when Jared would get injured since he first had leukemia and now, his head was so much sorer than any time he had ever hurt himself.

Jensen kissed the shell of Jared’s ear and ran his fingers gently over Jared’s hands. “It’s okay, Jay, I promise. Let me have a look, please,” Jensen cooed his voice gentle and caring.

Jared hiccupped but pulled his hands from his head and gripped Jensen’s side, his nails digging into the flesh there. Jensen gently moved his hair aside and kissed the slightly red skin of Jared’s head; there was going to be a big bruise there in no time but at least he wasn’t bleeding. Jensen sighed and brushed his fingers across the pulsing skin, trying to relax his best friend a little bit. He dipped his hand into the water and brought some to Jared’s head, letting it wash over where he’d bumped it, hoping that would help some.

Jared sniffled softly and kissed Jensen’s cheek. Obviously it had helped. Jensen smiled contently and pressed a few more loving pecks to Jared’s head.

“Are you okay?” Jensen murmured.

Nodding slowly, Jared leaned back and looked into Jensen’s eyes. “It really hurts though. God, I should have been paying attention.”

“No,” Jensen shook his head and stroked Jared’s cheek with his thumb. “You seem fine, baby. Don’t worry. We’ll get you something to prevent a headache though.”

Wrapping his arms around Jensen, Jared buried his face into his neck again. “Baby?” he whispered, a pink painting over his cheeks.

Jensen had his own cheeks turning pink as he realized that he had actually said that. “Sorry...” he murmured, embarrassed and pressed his cheek against Jared’s; that had been really awkward.

“I like it,” Jared said, his voice innocent as he leaned back to look into Jensen’s eyes. “It’s cute.”

They stared into one another’s eyes for a few moments, enjoying the way that the other had pink hugging his cheeks. Even with the throbbing in the back of Jared’s head, he was content with where he sat and everything else for a few split seconds. Jared bit his bottom lip and pressed his hand over his mouth, looking down for a moment as his body tensed. Within seconds, Jensen picked him up, making Jared’s legs wrap around his waist as he hurriedly made his way toward the house.

Jared put his face against Jensen’s neck, his nose in his hair and breathed in deeply. He didn’t want to throw up and he was going to do everything that he could to fight it off. Even if he was always told not to hold it back, he really didn’t want to ruin their moment together with that and the fact that he didn’t have a tooth brush with him. 

Jensen put Jared on the counter next to the sink and poured him a small glass of ice cold water before hChadng it to him. Jensen knew Jared was urging against what his body wanted but he wasn’t about to force Jared to just let the sickness control him. Jared slowly sipped his water, his eyes never leaving his best friend’s. Jensen was calming him; just being in his presence was helping.

Jensen smiled and turned to leave the room but Jared caught his hand and pulled him back. “No, please,” Jared whispered, his eyes wide with plead.

“I was going to get you a washcloth, to cool your head,” Jensen replied but stayed in front of Jared.

“I’m fine, just don’t leave, please.” Jared’s eyes got a little big and he began to pout. Jensen knew he wasn’t trying to look so childlike and cute but he was pulling it off well.

Jensen moved closer to Jared and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him nearer. They stayed there for a while, Jared finally moving his hands up to Jensen’s still slightly wet chest and putting his face to Jensen’s neck. He inhaled deeply; the smell of chlorine and Jensen’s normal musky hair mixed together, it was completely invigorating. Jared smiled softly against his skin.

“Better?” Jensen murmured a smile of his own painting his lips.

Jared nodded and kissed Jensen’s neck softly. “I’ve never fought that off before and it feels good to be in control.”

“I’m proud of you,” Jensen said and leaned back to look into Jared’s eyes.

Jared giggled softly and joined their lips briefly before blushing at his sudden courage. He looked down at the floor, not wanting to look silly in front of Jensen. “Thanks...”

Chuckling softly, Jensen put his hands on Jared’s outer thighs and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Let’s clean up and go for a walk. It’s close to sunset.”

Jensen held his hand out for Jared and the younger boy jumped down from the counter then set his cup in the sink. Jared liked the way Jensen’s hand suddenly felt to his skin. They’d always been friends and always held hands but for some reason in the last few days – or weeks if he wanted to get technical – his feelings for Jensen and the way his body seemed to react to the simplest touch from Jensen was completely different. Instead of feeling Jensen’s skin grazing his own as his best friend’s callused fingers, it felt as if it were something so smooth and warm that it was new and his nerves couldn’t actually wrap their minds around the new thing they were feeling. Jared loved what he felt for Jensen though, it was so new to him and so... scary he wanted it.

They walked up the small staircase to Jensen’s personal shower and bathroom. Jensen stopped by his bed where he grabbed Jared’s clothing and his own that they’d set out before going swimming and led Jared into the bathroom. Since they had gotten together officially, they hadn’t actually showered together so Jared was slightly nervous. He had seen Jensen naked countless times but for some reason, having the title of boyfriend made Jared’s tummy flip at the simple idea of showering with Jensen.

Jensen put their clean clothes on the counter and stepped out of his black and white swim trunks before he got into the shower and started the water. Jared stared at the open sliding glass door of his best friend’s shower. He felt his stomach heating up just a little but shook it off and pulled off his own trunks, shyly getting into the shower behind Jensen.

Jensen turned to Jared immediately after closing the door and put his cool hands onto Jared’s forehead. “I got my hands ice cold before you go in,” he said, smiling widely.

“Jen, you’re so sweet,” Jared giggled simply and leaned into Jensen’s hands as they moved down his cheeks.

The way Jensen’s hands were still feeling against Jared’s skin was making him feel like he was on fire compared to cooling him down but he didn’t want to say anything, he loved what his best friend did to him.

The two lingered in the shower a little longer than they needed to and their hands remaining on each other’s chests and backs longer than they honestly ever had. Jensen made sure to wash Jared’s hair very well, massaging his scalp and being gentle to where he had a large bruise coming up. When they got out, Jared felt silly for being so nervous.

Soon, the two were dressed and walking down the street, hand in hand as the sun set. Jensen had grabbed a jacket for Jared just before they left and made him wear it; he was the perfect best friend and boyfriend.

“I was thinking this summer we could do some more things outside of Indiana. I think we could go to Disney Land and have fun there, since we’ve both been to Disney World,” Jensen said, his thumb idly rubbing across Jared’s knuckles.

“That probably won’t happen, Jensen... I’ll have a million tests and different meds I’ll be on. I won’t be able to leave the state...” Jared sighed. “If I’m even alive...” he muttered more to himself.

But Jensen heard. “Please, baby. You will be and you’ll be healthy. I really think that lady from the dunes was on to something with the origami thing. It could happen you know. The world is freaky like that sometimes.”

Jared frowned slightly, keeping his eyes away from Jensen’s. “I don’t believe in that kind of thing. If I did, I’d’ve done something like that when this first started happening. I’m not going to live much longer, Jen. They said I’m lucky I made it this far.”

Jensen stopped dead in his tracks, his hand slipping from Jared’s as the teen walked a few more steps. “Please don’t do this, Jared. I know it’s hard and I know you want to give up but keep hope. I do. I might not be living through this but I know it’s going to get better. It has too...” Jensen whispered his throat suddenly tight.

The sick teen closed the small space between them and put his hand on his best friend’s cheek. “I’m trying, you know that. But when I go from feeling like I do now, perfectly healthy and happy and content with everything to throwing up for an hour with almost no stopping, it’s hard to really keep hope.” Jared paused and moved even closer to Jensen. “I want to be around forever with you and my mom, I really do but you heard was the doctor said last week. I’m lucky if I graduate this year if I don’t go into remission.”

Jensen leaned forward, a very small space between his and Jared’s lips. “Please keep your head high, Jared...”

Jared tried to fight against what his heart was telling him to say, he tried to say what he was actually feeling but he couldn’t. The way Jensen was looking into his eyes and the way his breath had filled his lungs so completely made him realize that he needed to be stronger. He wasn’t the only person having difficulties in this whole stupid mess.

“I’m trying,” he finally managed out and let his hand fall to Jensen’s shoulder, his head tilting forward just slightly. But as Jensen moved his own head forward, Jared pulled away completely, turning on his heel towards where they had been walking. “A little more to walk then we’ll go home.”

Jensen frowned and grabbed Jared by the wrist, tugging him close to his chest and kissing him softly on the mouth. Jared gasped into it but didn’t pull back; he actually put a little force into it as Jensen did. They stood there, in the middle of the sidewalk for a few minutes, kissing repeatedly. Both knew it wasn’t going to elevate to anything more than multiple pecks but it felt good for some reason.

Jared hadn’t ever been kissed the way Jensen did. Since he’d gotten ill, he hadn’t been kissed and even before that had only been once. His girlfriend then wasn’t the nicest. She said he was a terrible kisser and left him on the spot. It was upsetting but Jared got over it after Jensen completely trashed her that night at home.

The way that Jensen’s lips moved against Jared’s was something more than he had ever imagined. Jensen’s mouth was the perfect shape, his lips the right size and the way his teeth occasionally grazed Jared’s lip made him get the butterflies deep in his gut. Jensen’s lips were entirely wonderful.

A few more kisses shared and they parted, Jared blushing and Jensen smirking slyly. The brisly haired teen put his hand on Jared’s cheek, making their eyes meet. “I’ve never kissed someone like that before,” he said softly, enjoying the way Jared’s eyes lit up at his words.

But soon, the light faded and Jared closed his eyes briefly. “Am I terrible?” he asked, still thinking about his ex-girlfriend... sort of.

“Not at all,” Jensen grinned and gently pulled Jared into another kiss.

Jared giggled into the kiss but soon pulled back. “Stop it, we still have to make it home and it’s getting closer to dark.”

Jensen sighed and slid his hand into Jared’s, turning them back towards the way they came. “We’re going to Disney Land this summer,” he stated firmly.

Jared sighed and shook his head; there was no way he’d argue with Jensen and win.

They walked a little longer, nothing much said because Jared was growing more and more exhausted. The day had been long, uneventful to most people but to Jared, it had been very exciting. He might’ve thrown up earlier that afternoon but he had kissed Jensen a lot, they’d talked a lot, they’d had fun together and moved forward the tiniest bit. It had been a good day.

Jared squeaked and turned down the corner. “Jensen, I wish I had my bag,” he pouted, stopping dead in his tracks as Jensen had a little bit ago and stared straight ahead.

“Why? Do you need your meds?” he asked, putting the back of his hand against Jared’s head.

Jared slapped his hand away playfully and pointed down the road. “The ice cream man is right there and I don’t have my wallet.”

Jensen grinned and pulled his own wallet out of his back pocket, handing Jared a five. “Go crazy,” he smirked.

Jared squeaked again and ran down the road, stopping in front of the van and waving at Jensen to hurry up.

Cancer sucked, throwing up sucked, missing school, losing hair and being weak all sucked but having Jensen there didn’t. That was a highlight to Jared’s entire life .


	8. Looking Up

Jared jumped up from bed quickly, pushing Jensen’s arm from his waist as he went and he tore down the hallway, throwing the bathroom door open quickly and leaning over the toilet. He’d had a terrible night sleep and it had all been thanks to the freaking Cytoxan. He really wished he could flush those down the toilet instead of his awesome dinner from just less than seven hours ago.

It was early Saturday morning and it been two weeks since Jared had first started his Cytoxan. He hated it already. He was losing his food more than when he had before. Never did he think that his immune system would shut down more so quickly. He hated that stupid pill and the fact that his doctor knew nothing about what he was talking about... Okay, that wasn’t true. He knew a lot but Jared was still livid that the man hadn’t done something to get his cancer to go away.

Jared wiped his mouth and spit into the now pink water of the toilet before flushing and stChadng up. He’d have to brush his teeth if he wanted to cuddle his best friend when he went back to bed. Jared groaned; he hated the taste of toothpaste after puking. 

After brushing his teeth and drinking a small glass of water, Jared made his way back to the bedroom. Jensen was awake but he didn’t look like he wanted to move. Jared laid down next to him and pulled the blanket over his body, tight around his shoulders.

“I would have been there but I heard the sink running when I woke up,” Jensen said and wound his arms around Jared’s waist.

Jared shook his head and sighed deeply, pressing his forehead against Jensen’s cool skin. “No, it’s okay. You don’t need to watch me do that all the time,” Jared replied, nervously.

He loved that Jensen always helped him but it had to be gross to see that constantly. Jared was just worried Jensen would think twice about kissing him again. The fox-eyed teen blushed at that thought.

Jensen pressed a soft peck to Jared’s head and pushed his hair from his face. “Get some more sleep. We’ve got a few hours before we need to leave,” he murmured and tucked Jared’s head beneath his chin.

In no time at all, Jared was fast asleep, hugging Jensen close and smiling widely; it was good to have Jensen around.  
* * *

 

Jensen leaned against the wall and watched the nurse tied the tourniquet around Jared’s arm. He hated seeing Jared get his blood drawn but it was one of the things that Jared couldn’t do without Jensen in the room. Blood tests were always the worst simply because Jared would bleed the tiniest bit for an hour after. Jensen would always be there though and he’d hold Jared’s hand and the cotton ball in place until the bleeding stopped.

Though Jensen showed no weakness for anything, he always felt so terrible when Jared would get dizzy from losing more blood than he bargained for. The last time the unruly haired teen got his blood drawn, he leaned against Jensen and as asleep in minutes.

“Jensen, would you mind holding the cotton ball for him while I get a Band-Aid? I grabbed the kind he’s allergic to,” the nurse murmured and took the tourniquet from his arm, pressing her fingers on the little puff of cotton.

“Yeah,” Jensen quickly crossed the room and took the nurse’s place as she left the room quickly. “How do ya feel?”

“Tired and ready to go home,” Jared replied and moved closer to Jensen before laying his head on his shoulder. “Doc said he had something to share with us though so we’ve got at least another hour here. Plus Mom went home to get something so she’s gotta make it back still.”

The bottle green eyed teen nodded and buried his face into the soft chocolate locks of his best friend; his throat was starting to get tight and his eyes were getting hot. Jensen hadn’t cried in front of Jared since his diagnoses and he really, really didn’t want to do so again. That would put pressure and guilt on Jared that he didn’t need. Jensen wasn’t sure he could take it anymore though. Jared was curled so close to him and he could feel how thin his best friend was becoming. Jared tried to gain weight constantly but with his throwing up being so often, it was hard to put anything on.

Jensen swallowed thickly and a few tears slipped from Jensen’s eyes, mixing into Jared’s hair. He couldn’t hold it down anymore. Jensen hadn’t even noticed the nurse come in and stick a Band-Aid on Jared’s arm until felt his hand being gripped by Jared’s. Jensen knew that crying in front of Jared would make Jared upset, a little at least but he couldn’t keep the tears down any longer. It had been months since he’d gotten caught up in his emotions and it was time to just let loose again.

Jared looked up as he felt his head getting wet and saw the little beads of moisture falling from Jensen’s eyes. “Oh, Jen...” Jared frowned and gripped him tightly in his thin arms.

Without thinking at all, Jensen pulled Jared into his lap and pressed his face to Jared’s shoulder, letting his tears dampen the collar of his shirt. Jensen was breaking down and even if Jared didn’t like it, he wasn’t going to stop. He needed to relax a little and get the emotional pressures off of his shoulders. Taking care of Jared was something Jensen loved doing but it really was beginning to take its toll on him.

Jared petted Jensen’s gelled hair and kissed his cheek. He had kind of been waiting for the day Jensen would fall apart, even if that sounded completely horrible. After so many hospital visits and nights spent in the bathroom though, Jared was surprised Jensen hadn’t cried sooner. When he thought about it harder, he realized that Jensen must have purposely kept his feelings at bay, to spare Jared and Sherri from feeling bad.

“Jen,” Jared whispered and kissed his cheek again. “It’s okay, please don’t cry...”

Jared continued smoothing his hands up and down his best friend’s back but Jensen didn’t stop crying, he couldn’t. Jensen didn’t remember the last time he had really let it out and it was starting to get the better of him. Every time he saw Jared get the littlest tear in his eye, Jensen’s heart ached to just make everything better again, to take away Jared’s cancer and all the terrible things in his life. That was what Jensen wanted more than anything; a healthy best friend.

Jensen pressed his face into the crook of Jared’s neck and let his tears fall faster, harder. They needed to get out of his body and stop fighting their way out at terrible moments. At that point, it probably wasn’t a good time for them to go because the doctor had big news but he had to let them out before there were a ton of people in the room.

“Jen, it’s okay. I... I’ll be okay,” Jared murmured into his ear. “I’ve got you, right? I’ll be... healthy...”

Speaking those words had been hard for Jared but he knew it was what Jensen needed to hear, even if he wasn’t completely convinced they were true. But Jared thought that if Jensen heard them he might feel a little bit better and who knew, maybe Jared would believe them someday.

Jared pulled back a little and lightly grasped Jensen’s face between his hands. Jensen looked into his eyes, tears still falling and his breath still fast. Their eyes locked and Jared brushed the tears on Jensen’s cheeks away. Soon, Jensen stopped crying and his eyes were merely left bright red.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen whispered and placed his hands on top of Jared’s, gently pulling them from his face. “I’m so sorry.”

Jared’s brows furrowed. “What are you sorry for?”

“Crying like that.”

Smiling softly, Jared kissed Jensen’s cheek. “Don’t be sorry for it. It’s okay. I do it all the time, remember?”

Jensen forced a soft chuckle.

“Nothing to be sorry about, really,” Jared said after not getting a reply from Jensen. 

Jensen looked into Jared’s eyes and smiled sweetly, trying to understand why he wasn’t upset for Jensen’s breakdown. Jared blushed and began to look away when Jensen put his hand on Jared’s cheek and brought them into a sweet, slightly wet kiss. It was the first kiss of the day and something Jensen felt he really needed. The way Jared’s lips sent a special vibe throughout his body just told him that Jared was perfect for him.

The door opened and Sherri walked inside but she didn’t say anything and the boys didn’t pull apart. They simply pressed their lips together a few more times. Sherri had been skeptical about the two being together and even the fact that Jared wanted a man instead of a woman but seeing Jared and Jensen so close and so respectful for each other, she forgot her uncertainty and moved right onto being happy for her son.

Soon, the door opened again and the boys did part, Jared’s cheeks a deep red when he realized the doctor was giving them an interesting look at the way they were sitting. Jared quickly turned but stayed in Jensen’s lap, Jensen’s arms wound around his waist, keeping him close.

“Okay, I have some good news and some bad,” Dr. Parker said and pulled a small chair in front of the bed.

Sherri took her place next to the boys and put an arm around Jensen’s shoulders. Jared spoke before Sherri could though.

“I want the bad first,” he murmured and grabbed his mother’s free hand. “Please.”

Dr. Parker nodded and looked down at his clip board. “Well, the Cytoxan isn’t working the way that I had hoped. It’s actually making things worse so we’re taking you off of that.”

Jared’s breath caught in his throat. “Worse? How much worse?”

“You’re immune system already has a hard time doing what it needs to and the Cytoxan is making it harder for it work. That’s why you’ve had such a hard time keeping food down these last two weeks. Cytoxan is supposed to fix the immune system a little bit but it seems to be doing just the opposite in your case,” the doctor explained. “But I still have good news, so don’t let that worry you too much.”

Jared closed his eyes tightly and leaned into Jensen’s chest as he gripped his mother’s hand tighter. That was one thing he had feared since the beginning, something making things only worse. “What’s the good news, sir?”

“I had a patient reacting almost the exact same to Cytoxan as you are and we took her off of that and began radiation treatments with her marrow transplant the following week. I know we planned on waiting six months for those but I think this one is really, really going to work.”

“I’m not so sure about starting that just yet,” Sherri said softly. “I’m worried about how it’s going to affect his school and other aspects of his life.”

Dr. Parker shook his head and leaned forward a little. “Don’t worry Ms. Padalecki. The radiation session and bone marrow transplant would be scheduled for three weeks at maximum with the transplant in there. He’ll be back to school in no longer than three weeks time.”

Sucking in a deep breath, the sick teen leaned forward. “What happened to the girl that did this?”

“She went into remission about four months after the transplant and radiation session,” Dr. Parker replied without missing a beat.

“I’ll do it then. I trust your judgment and I think this is the only way to go now,” Jared said and looked down at the stark white floor tiles.

“She’s cancer free now and from what I remember engaged and went to Paris about seven months after going into remission.”

Jared, Jensen and Sherri felt sudden hope rushing through their bodies. “Okay, when will we do the transplant and radiation?” Jared whispered.

Dr. Parker stood up and turned for the door. “I’ll give you time to discuss that yourselves and we’ll set a time frame next week.” The doctor opened the door but paused again. “Jared, I know this is hard but you’ve seem to got everyone by your side. I have the strongest feeling that this is going to work for you.”

Jared nodded, not able to say anything else and the doctor left the room. Jared was scared, more so than he had been when he began taking Cytoxan. Radiation meant hair loss and possibly more serious things going wrong. He knew it was the only way to go now; there was nothing left to do but radiation and a bone marrow transplant.

“Why don’t we get some lunch and forget about this all for a little while?” Sherri proposed.

“I’m starving,” Jensen replied, smoothing his hands over Jared’s stomach. “What about you?”

Jared nodded. “I could use some good food...”

Sherri smiled and kissed Jared’s cheek. “I’m proud of you, son. I really am. You pick a place to eat and we’ll go there. Any place you can think of.”

Jared’s face lit up and he smiled at his mother. “BK Root Beer?”

Jensen groaned and pressed his face into Jared’s back. “That place is so gross...”

“I don’t care,” Jared giggled and got off the bed. “I’m hungry and they have the best root beer around!”

Sherri stood up and Jared wrapped his arms tightly around her. “Thanks, Mom,” he whispered and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Sherri gave him a tight squeeze. “Anything for you, Jared.”  
* * *

 

Jared picked up an onion ring and bit off part of the breading before pulling the onion out and slurping it through his teeth. He then threw the breading on the tray; it had been too long since he’d eaten at BK. 

“That’s wasting food, you know,” Jensen pointed out and took another drink from his root beer float.

Jared nodded and repeated his actions on another onion ring. “Maybe, but it’s the way I work” he replied after swallowing.

Sherri rolled her eyes and flicked a fry at Jensen’s head. “He’s always eaten them that way.”

Jared grinned and leaned his head on his mother shoulder. “Always, always.”

After discussing his treatments some more, they put aside all of the leukemia talk and moved onto school until Jensen decided to tell Jared that he really hated BK. Jared didn’t care, it was his all time favorite food place and Jensen’s complaints weren’t gonna change that.

Jared was still doubtful about his new treatments though and thought that nothing was going to work from that point. He’d been through so many different things and experimental tests and nothing worked before, what made Dr. Parker think that radiation and a bone marrow transplant would change any of that? He didn’t know and even if he’d doubted the man’s intelligence just that morning, he wasn’t going to argue with his idea.

“I’m full,” Jared groaned and patted his tummy. “But I think it’s gonna stay down. I feel amazing.”

Sherri’s entire expression changed from worried too pleased at her son’s words. “I’m glad,” she replied, trying to act cool and pressed a light kiss to the top of his head. “I’ll take the garbage and trays back. You two get into the car.” And without another word, she was up and taking the trash with her.

“Do you want to be carried?” Jensen asked, amused at the miserable look on Jared’s face.

“Please?”

Shaking his head, Jensen walked around the table and picked Jared up with ease. That worried him but he knew with the Cytoxan being a thing of the past, he didn’t have to worry about Jared’s weight being an issue anymore.

Jared pressed his face into Jensen’s styled hair and breathed in his natural musky smell. Though the gel was sticky, Jensen the spiky look off nicely. Jared loved the scent of it if he was honest with himself. It always seemed to calm him down, even if he were already calm.

“Let’s watch movies at home,” Jared whispered, slightly tired. “But I’ll warn you, I might fall asleep.”

Jensen put Jared into the backseat and climbed in next to him. “That’s alright. I think we both need a nap after the day we had.”

Jared nodded and buckled himself up before pulling Jensen to sit in the middle and resting his head against Jensen’s chest. “I think things are starting to look up, Jensen...”

Jensen smiled, proud. Jared was starting to see things the way Jensen and Sherri had been for months. Jensen didn’t say anything because before he could, Jared was snoring lightly against his chest. The freckled boy smiled bigger and wrapped his arms around Jared, bringing him into a more comfortable position .


	9. Lying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The J's go to Jensen's house and he dosent exactly tell Jared the truth about how they feel.

Jensen wound his arm around Jared’s waist and let him up the steps to his house. “They miss you, that’s all. And Dad’s cooking out tonight, he knows how much you love his steaks so he told me to bring you over.”

Jared blushed deeply. "But we're something now and you said yourself that your mom doesn't know. What if she doesn't approve?"

"So?" Jensen let out a soft chuckled and opened the front door for Jared. "It's okay. She's seen me with guys before and if she has a problem with you she can... well I don't know but you get my point."

Jared groaned and kicked his shoes off and tucked them into the closet by the door. "Okay, okay but if she hates me I'm never coming over here again."

"And how would my dad feel about that? He loves you too much to let Mom make you leave."

Shaking his head, Jared started up the massive staircase to Jensen's bedroom. "Tell them now while I clean up, okay? I don't need the pressure of their disapproval."

Jared made his way up the staircase slowly, padding down the hallway of lush carpet and plopped himself on Jensen's bed. His best friend had gone completely mad and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. If he told Jensen not to explain to his parents that they were together, Jensen would be offended but now he felt pressure that he didn't need or want. Jared had several images playing in his head of bad scenarios. One was Jensen's mother slapping him across the face because her baby would never give her grandchildren. In years prior, Jared had seen Jensen with a huge family of at least three children because Jensen was the youngest of three, his sister and brother had moved out a few years back but now he saw Jensen's life completely different and it was his fault. Jared didn't like that thought. What if he and Jensen did end up being together forever?

Jared shook his head and padded to Jensen's private bathroom; Jared really hated when his mind got the best of him.

 

Downstairs, Jensen pulled his hats from his head and placed them on the little spool poking out from the wall that had been placed there just for Jensen's hats; his mother didn't like them whatsoever but that didn't mean he was going to stop wearing them. Slowly, he found his way onto the back patio and plopped down next to his mother on the swing while his father wasn't too far from them grilling up their dinner.

"Can I talk to you two for a minute?" Jensen spoke softly and bit at his lip; how on earth were they going to take this news? Their last son was in a relationship with a dying boy... Jensen gulped to get that thought from his mind.

"What's up, sweetie?" Donna, Jensen's mother, spoke softly and put her book aside.

Alan, Jensen's father, put down whatever he was using to flip the steaks and closed the lid before taking a seat across from them.

Jensen didn't know where to start. Alan and Donna loved Jared, he was a good kid that didn't smoke or drink or anything else, he was responsible and he did what was asked if he stayed at the house for a length of time longer than a night. Jared always cleaned up after himself and he wasn't ever overly loud and he was always careful but would they completely understand him after he was Jensen's boyfriend? Donna hadn't been too keen on the idea when Jensen had simply mentioned he had kissed Jared but did that mean she wasn't going to give her blessing on them being together?

Alan sounded happy when Jensen told him about the kiss. Alan said it was surprising that it took so long and even began joking about it but was he still so open to the idea? Jensen knew that he'd told his dad that he thought they were an item but that didn't mean Alan was always going to be open minded...

"Jensen, you're starting to worry me, what's going on?" Alan asked and put his hand on Jensen's knee.

Jensen took in a deep breath and glanced toward the staircase. He had to, for Jared. Jared was right when he said he didn't need more pressure so if he didn't do it for himself it was for Jared.

"Jared and I are..." Jensen took in another deep breath. "Together," he mumbled, hoping they heard but at the same time, hoping they didn't.

Donna seemed stunned but Jensen didn't want to look her square in the face, he wasn't sure he could keep his cool if she was turning purple in the face. So what if he was with Jared? Wasn't that a good thing? Weren't best friends the perfect person to fall for in the end? Jensen thought that best friends were because they always understood and for the most part had been there for multiple years. That was good, right? 

Alan glanced at the grill then back to his son, giving his knee a squeeze before taking his hand back. "You know, I'm happy for you. Jared's a great kid and I know you'll be right for each other in the end. I don't really like the same sex thing but I think I'll get used to that."

Jensen felt sudden relief come crashing down on his shoulders; his dad, the one person that he looked up to in his life approved. Not completely but for the most part. That was good enough. But what about his mom?

"I don't know, Jensen..." Donna started. No, Jensen thought you have to approve! "He's... a he. I won't get grandbabies now..."

"Mom, Mackenzie is pregnant, don't forget that. And Josh has Zoe and Alex"

"I know but I want grandbabies from all of my kids. That's a perfect family right there. You and Jared... I don't know about that." Donna paused and looked Jensen square in the face. "Isn't he... not gonna last long?"

"Donna, calm down. Jared's doing better, you remember him talking about a possible solution a few weeks ago," Alan said the moment he saw the expression on his son's face.

Jensen balled his hands into fists and squeezed his eyes shut. She just said the wrong thing. Jensen knew if he didn't get away from her soon, he was going to completely explode on her and he really didn't want to do that. "Mom, please understand," he whispered and without waiting for a reply, he got up and walked up the stairs.

She didn't like the idea of her son with a dying boy, it didn't seem that Jared's personality or the fact that he was Jared factored into it at all. Jensen wanted to scream and cuss and hit things but he knew if he did, Jared would get upset and possibly not be too into dinner that night, something he didn't want whatsoever. He'd just pretend that they had both been completely reasonable and understood everything he said.

Jensen threw himself onto his bed, pressing his face into the soft quilt. How was he really going to lie to Jared? He hadn't lied to him in years, especially over something that was particularly important. Jensen sat up again and look toward the bathroom. He had to lie about this one thing to just keep Jared's nerves at bay. It wasn't like he was lying about more life changing things so, it wouldn't hurt anything. Would it?

Jared skipped out of the bathroom, his hair curly slightly at the ends as it almost reached his shoulders. He looked absolutely beautiful and the innocent expression on his face made Jensen's heart swell; he had to lie.

"How'd it go...?" Jared asked, his face falling a little as he sat down next to Jensen.

Jensen shook his head, smiling delicately. "Fine. They're both ecstatic."

It was hard lying to Jared but he had done it for the safety of his boyfriend's feelings and health. Who knew what more pressure would have done to his well being? Jensen didn't want to be the one to find out.

"Really?" Jared wondered and leaned forward, grinning like a madman.

Jensen nodded. "Really."

“Oh thank goodness. I was going over different ways that I could leave during dinner in the bathroom and seeing which face looked believable.” Jared beamed. “Let me tell you, I know that I won’t be an actor when I grow up.”

Jensen smiled softly. “Let’s go downstairs. I can smell dinner.”

Jared jumped off the bed and grabbed Jensen’s hand on the way. “I am starving and I haven’t thrown up in three days. I could eat the entire cow!”

Once Jared had gotten to the backdoors, he placed his hands over his stomach and inhaled deeply. “Oh gosh, Mr. Ackles, that smells so good.”

“Jared!” Alan said loudly with an overly dramatic eye roll.

“Okay, okay,” Jared giggled and slid his hand into Jensen’s. “Alan, it smells amazing.”

Jensen could see his mother stChadng next to Alan and he instantly knew that they had been talking before he and Jared came outside. His mom hated being near the grill unless she had something important to talk about with whoever was doing the cooking.

“Why don’t we get drinks?” Jensen suggested and tugged Jared back toward the house.

He hated the way his mom had been eyeing Jared up and down. She had known Jared since he was practically in diapers and now she looked like she wanted to kill him. Jensen didn’t understand why it was such a big deal that Jared wasn’t the dream girl Donna wanted him with. Jensen didn’t want a blonde with big boobs, even if he had dated a few before. They had all been after the same thing when they were with Jensen; his money. Alan had a rather good paying job and that was why he was able to give Jensen everything he wanted as well as letting him give Jared great birthday and Christmas presents.

All Jensen wanted was a good relationship that he was happy with and he was happy with Jared. His best friend knew all the silly things he used to do, he knew the look that Jensen would get if he was upset or sad and he knew the way Jensen’s mind ticked. Jared knew every single thing about Jensen down to what dream he had the night before and that was the kind of love Jensen always wanted, even if he wasn’t going to admit that to just anyone. Wasn’t being happy the whole point of finding someone? Gender shouldn’t have mattered.

“Jen,” Jared said, snapping his fingers and waving his hand in front of his best friend’s face. “You’ve been out of it for nearly ten minutes, what’s wrong with you?”

Jensen glanced out the window over the sink and saw his mother approaching the backdoor. He usually wouldn’t have purposely done what he was close to doing, just to upset his parents but he wanted to see what she’d say the next day, when Jared went home.

“I’m fine,” the coiffed haired boy replied and put his hands on Jared’s waist, pulling him close gently and pressing their lips together. It was different from others, forceful almost but Jensen knew it wasn’t going to scare Jared.

Donna came into the house and began toward them, since they were stChadng in the middle of the kitchen but she stopped short and turned right back outside.

Jared didn’t notice her and slowly he put his hands in Jensen’s dirty blonde hair, turning the way their mouths touched so much gentler. Jensen simply smiled and laid his hand flesh against Jared’s lower back; he really could get used to kissing his best friend.  
* * *

 

Jared laughed softly and put his hand on his stomach. “Oh, I ate too much, don’t make me laugh anymore.”

Alan smiled genuinely. “Are you sure you’re full? We have your favorite; root beer from BK and some ice cream.”

“I have a feeling I have Jensen to blame for that,” Jared said and turned to his boyfriend.

“They tricked me, I swear!” Jensen defended and put his hands up.

Rolling his eyes, Jared put his napkin on the table. “I think I am done. I don’t want to push my luck.”

Jared pushed back his chair and grabbed his plate and Jensen’s when Alan slyly took them from his hands. “Thanks for getting those for me,” he said and swiftly went into the house.

Jared stuck his tongue out at him even if he couldn’t see and plopped back into his chair. “I feel like I need to do something. I’m never here without helping someway.”

Donna gave Jensen a look and gathered the other two plates before leaving in a rush. Jensen was just thankful to see Jared didn’t notice she was avoiding conversation with him. Throughout all of dinner, Donna kept quiet and though Jensen had first been pleased with that, he started to think Jared was notice. Before, Jared and Donna had been really close. They’d talk about what they would do together if Jared was able to leave the country and other fun things they would do together someday, like best friends.

“Let’s go to bed, Jay,” Jensen said and got up, holding his hand out for Jared.

“Let’s watch movies first. I can’t sleep with my tummy being so full,” Jared frowned and wrapped his arms around Jensen, ignoring his out held hand completely.

Jensen smiled and pushed Jared through the house and down stairs, carefully, until they got to Jensen’s movie collection and his ‘home theater’. It wasn’t much of a theater really but it was an HDTV with surround sound so, in Alan’s mind it was a theater.

Jared skipped across the room to a bookshelf full of movies. “Chucky...? No, um... Frankenstein? No. Humph,” Jared pouted at the shelf then turned to Jensen. “Where are the like...?” Jared made a weird gesture in the air and turned to a different shelf.

“The Rom Com’s are on the other side of the room,” Jensen replied and sat himself on the couch.

“Ah! You read my mind!”

Jensen smiled and relaxed into the couch. He didn’t really care that he had had to lie to Jared or that his mother hardly said more than two words to him, he was just happy with how good Jared felt for the evening. It had actually been going on for the last few nights and that was great for them both. Without Jared throwing up so much they were able to have fun and actually go places, not that they had been anywhere but it was the freedom Jensen liked.

Jared put in Pitch Perfect and took a seat in Jensen’s lap, cuddling against him as he tugged a huge blanket over them. “I should warn you, like always, I might fall asleep. I’m pretty tired.”

Jensen nodded and wound his arms around his best friend. “I can get you upstairs if you do, don’t worry.”

Jared grinned and gave Jensen’s arm a soft kiss before directing all of his attention to the movie on the screen.

Soon, Jared did end up falling asleep but Jensen didn’t move them, he was too content in where they laid. He had his best friend, cancer or not, with him for all times. They hadn’t changed their usual routines for hanging out at all. They still did their movie nights and had too much to eat at dinner. They were slightly closer and more touchy but that was bound to happen someday. Jensen grinned; he was pleased that day came so quickly .


	10. The Date

Jared wound his arms tightly around Jensen’s waist; it was time to set a date for his radiation treatment and bone marrow transplant. Dr. Parker had told them they had a donor lined up and willing to help whenever they were ready, it was just on Jared to pick a time.

“Before your birthday so it doesn’t get all messed up. I wanna be at your party,” Jared whispered and pressed his face against Jensen’s shoulder.

Jensen smoothed his hand down Jared’s back. “When were you thinking, baby?”

“Maybe the last two weeks of October and first two of November, within that time...” he murmured right into his ear, hoping his mother hadn’t heard. She would have just tried talking him out of it.

Jensen pressed a tender kiss to the top of Jared’s head and continued smoothing his hand down Jared’s back. He didn’t really want to say much, in case something he did say upset Jared. In the last few days, things had been difficult. Jared was constantly trying to plan what dates he wanted for his operation and treatment but when he first picked a date, it landed over the homecoming dance, which he wanted to take Jensen to and the second time it was right through Jensen’s birthday. He was having a hell of a time just trying to manage his diet too. Everything was just getting a little harder in the last few days.

Thankfully, they had another three day weekend. It was Friday afternoon and they had the next three days, after the appointment, to do anything they placed.

“Afternoon,” Dr. Parker smiled softly and closed the door behind himself. “How is everything?”

Jared looked at him and took a deep breath. “Pretty good. I haven’t been as sick and I think I have a time frame,” Jared whispered softly and sat up, taking Jensen’s hand and glancing at his mother for support. Sherri nodded and moved by him on the bed, taking his free hand and kissing the back of it.

“What were you thinking?” Dr. Parker murmured and opened a clip board, placing his pen to a page.

“The ending of October and beginning of November. That’ll interfere with school a lot but not anything else. I’d be able to get school work done while being in the hospital...” Jared explained, his voice falling light and nearly unnoticeable.

Dr. Parker looked up at Jared. “That’s awfully soon, are you sure?”

Jared nodded. “I really want to be in remission and if this worked for that girl, I think it’ll work for me too.”

Sherri was shocked. This was the first of the timing she was hearing as well and didn’t exactly expect Jared to be ready so soon. “Jared that is soon,” Sherri said softly. “You’re one hundred percent sure?”

“One hundred and ten, Mom. I’ve thought about it a lot and this is what I want. If it means a higher chance of remission, I’ll do anything,” Jared explained and squeezed his mom’s hand. “I know this is scary and I’m terrified but it’s gotta happen sooner or later, right? I just thought that sooner was better than later or too late...”

Sherri nodded and looked down a little. She felt like a bad mother, questioning her son’s decision like that but she was fearful too. If anything with the next set of treatments went wrong, they didn’t really have a plan B or whatever letter they were on. If things went completely wrong and Jared didn’t get better, Sherri could lose her son.

Dr. Parker began explaining a lot about the bone marrow transplant, all of the simple details and some things that Jared and Jensen didn’t even understand; medical terms weren’t something they really knew. Jared’s mind was in another place anyways, nearly the same place that his mother’s had been without him knowing. What if things didn’t go as planned? Sure that girl had been perfectly fine but Jared was no girl and from what he knew, she was a little older than him. What if the transplant and radiation only made him worse? What if he, dare he think it, died? Jared hated that thought, he wanted to live forever with Jensen and his mother but now he was questioning it, what if that didn’t happen?

Jared gulped. What if his destiny was to die at a young age? Jared glanced at Jensen. He was listening intently to the doctor, obviously trying to understand everything the man was saying. Why was Jensen so good at keeping his cool? Jared felt sort of like a baby compared to his best friend. Jensen had broken down once in front of him since the whole thing broke out, why couldn’t Jared be so strong? Jared always looked up to Jensen, even when they were little and now he was really, really envious of him. Jensen was good at being calm and saying the right thing at the right time. Why couldn’t Jared do that too?

“I think that’s all the information that you’ll need beforehand. I think I might send you a print out with more though, in case you forget something that you need to know,” Dr. Parker stood up. “I’ll contact the anonymous donor as soon as possible. If you have any questions, Jared, feel free to give the hospital a call. They’d be more than happy to connect you to me.”

Jared snapped out of his mind and looked at the doctor. “Thanks,” he replied meekly.

The doctor grinned. “My pleasure.” With that, he left the room.

Jared didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell his mom that he was scared and to just cry against her, telling her what to do with his stuff if he died but he couldn’t, then she’d start crying and that was never something good. All he wanted was to go back in time to whenever the cancer showed up and kill it before it got too bad. Was the even possible? Jared sighed and hid his face against Sherri’s shoulder. Right then, crawling into a hole sounded like a good idea.

Jared dropped Jensen’s hand and his arms wrapped around Sherri’s waist, hugging her tightly. Sherri smiled faintly and pressed her face into her son’s hair; it wasn’t often that he confined in her so she felt pretty good about it then. Sherri ran her hands down Jared’s back lovingly.

Within moments of Jared leaning on her, Sherri’s shirt began to get wet and Jared started trembling. Jensen closed his eyes tightly and moved closer to them, wrapping them both in his arms. One thing the doctor said while Jared was spaced out was to be sure Jared didn’t get stressed out too much. Jensen knew that was going to be a hard task but he had to make sure it was followed through.

Jensen thought that a massage might help a little and slowly began keening his hands at the base of Jared’s spine. Jared’s trembling didn’t stop but it did slow down a lot. Sherri continued rubbing Jared’s shoulders and whispering loving, encouraging words into his ear.

Much time passed before Jared’s tears stopped completely. “I don’t know what is gonna happen and that scares me, Mommy. What if I do die? What if I lose my hair? What happens then? I can’t leave you. I need you... I can’t, I can’t be without you and Jen... I don’t want to die,” Jared whispered and looked from Jensen to Sherri. “What did I do to deserve this? I thought I was a good kid...”

“You are, Jared,” Sherri murmured and ran her fingers down his cheek. “Don’t be so hard, sweetheart. Things will be okay, I just know it.”

“But you don’t, Mom, I don’t and the doctors don’t...” Jared covered his face with his hands and curled into a ball. He couldn’t handle it. Even if just the weekend before and moments before he’d acted so strong, he couldn’t do it anymore. “I want to live. I want to be healthy and no more of the cancer crap.”

Jensen looked down at his hands and slowly gripped Jared’s. “Calm down, you’ll get through this,” he murmured and slowly met Jared’s gaze. Jensen’s eyes were slightly red and he looked very close to another break down. “Just... take a deep breath, alright?”

Jared couldn’t believe he’d freaked out and not really thought about his boyfriend and mom’s feelings. He’d briefly thought of them but not like he was going to stop his melt down just because of them. “Jen,” Jared whispered and took his face in his hands. He slowly leaned in close to him and captured Jensen’s lips against his own. “Please don’t cry I’m sorry...”

Jensen scooped Jared up quickly, pulling him against his chest and cradling him while hiding in his hair. Crying in front of Jared days before was one thing but with Sherri there, he would have felt like a huge baby.

Jared’s arms instantly wound their way around Jensen’s neck and he began pressing little kisses to his boyfriend’s face. He didn’t know why but he wanted to make sure Jensen was happy. In the last three years, it had always been about himself now he wanted Jensen to have the attention on him. Jensen was a great person, after all and he deserved the attention sometimes, especially when Jensen’s last birthday had been ‘ruined’ because Jared passed out. Jared wanted to make up for everything he had put Jensen through.

Jensen smiled softly; he liked being kissed all over his face. He wanted to cry a little still, just to get out what he was feeling after Jared’s rant but now, he thought things were going to be okay. He felt his spirit lifting the tiniest bit and suddenly, all he wanted to do was kiss Jared.

With much care, Jensen pulled back from Jared slowly and pressed his lips to Jared’s. At that moment, Sherri’s cheeks turned bright red and she left the room quickly. The boys really needed time alone, plus, she had a few questions for the doctor.

Jared’s fingers tangled into the stiff hair on Jensen’s head as he moved his lips against his a little more. He hoped that he was doing what Jensen wanted, what would make Jensen feel like he was important because really, Jensen was. If it weren’t for Jensen and his encouraging words over the last years, Jared would have given up the moment he found out about his cancer. But Jensen was there and willing to help at all times.

Jensen moved his lips against Jared’s, smiling at how shy Jared was being. Jensen knew it was a bad idea to move forward with Jared and that was why he ended up pulling back when Jared’s arms began to shake, followed by the rest of his body.

A step forward could wait. Jensen was sure they had plenty of time, even if he was bothered by his boyfriend’s negativity.

“Just be more positive,” Jensen whispered against Jared’s lips and gently nipped at his bottom lip.

“I just... I’ll try, Jen,” Jared mumbled, slightly baffled by the way they’d just kissed. He was feeling almost light headed.

The door was opened slowly and Sherri curiously poked her head inside. “Boys... let’s go get some dinner. I think Luigi’s is still open,” she murmured quietly and closed the door again.

Jensen laughed softly and stood up; keeping Jared against him and making the younger boy wrap his legs around his waist. “I think your mom didn’t like what we just did or she was embarrassed that it was done in a hospital.”

Jared giggled lightly into Jensen’s ear. “I don’t really care. I wanted you to know that I appreciate you.”

Jensen smiled and his nose to Jared’s neck as he slowly opened the door and went back to holding Jared close. “I know that you do, you tell me constantly now,” he chuckled. “But if that’s the way you’re gonna show it...” Jensen trailed off as he felt Jared wiggling in embarrassment.

“Shush, Jen,” Jared squeaked and pulled at his arm hair.

Jensen grinned. “Not my fault I liked it...”

“Jen!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” he promised and kissed Jared’s cheek as he and Sherri walked to the car.

The day was hard for all of them, of course but with Jared being open to more passionate kissing, Jensen knew he had the perfect way to shut Jared up if he got really freaked out again .


	11. Surprises

“Jared,” Jensen whispered into his best friend’s ear and slid his hand down to hold his hip. “Jared,” he repeated and gave his hip a little shake.

The younger boy groaned and rolled over onto his side. “No,” he mumbled. “’S-- Saturday.”

Jensen smirked and pressed a tender kiss to his temple. “I know but it’s almost one. We should get up,” he said softly and pressed his nose against Jared’s cheek.

Jared groaned and rolled over again, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend. “Sleep, Jen. We’ve got time,” he mumbled and hid against his chest. “I’m so sleepy.”

Jensen sighed but kept a smile on his face. He knew Jared was drained, they’d stayed up until nearly three in the morning but he needed Jared awake. He threaded his fingers through Jared’s hair, pulling him up gently and locked their lips together, not caring about morning breath. Jensen felt a smiled spreading over Jared’s lips only moments after they connected and slowly pulled back.

“Now will you get up for me?” Jensen questioned and pushed Jared’s hair from his face.

Jared nodded dumbly and slowly sat up against the wall at the head of Jensen’s bed. He stretched his limbs out and closed his eyes while he stifled a yawn.

“Why am I awake, Jen?” Jared mumbled and touched his boyfriend’s cheek. “I’m sleepy and I’ll probably be very cranky today.”

Jensen shook his head and got up from the bed. “No you won’t. I have the bath ready for you and a surprise downstairs. If you are still cranky after both, you can take a nap but you’ve got to be energetic for tonight,” Jensen explained and held his hands out for Jared.

Jared sighed and got up, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s waist and pressing his ear to his chest. “Are you gonna take a bath with me?” he whispered, blushing deeply.

“Sure, if you want,” Jensen mumbled and pressed a loving kiss to the top if Jared’s head. “You go on; I’ve got to grab our clothes.”

Jared looked up at him with a very innocent expression, his eyebrows pulled up and a small smile on his face. “Thanks, Jen,” he said before pressing a gentle peck to his boyfriend’s cheek and skipping into the bathroom.

Jensen smiled and bit the inside of his cheek. Since two weeks before, he felt weird having Jared at his house but with the way Jared always acted, he couldn’t help but have that little ting of happiness in his stomach. Jared was adorable and even if Donna didn’t approve, he was glad Jared still believed Jensen’s parents accepted them.

“Jensen?”

The boy in question turned toward the door and raised an eyebrow; it was his mother. “Yeah?”

Donna let out a little sigh and stepped into the room. “I overreacted,” she murmured and leaned against the wall. “I’m sorry for the way I treated Jared and I hope that you’ll forgive me... I’m just worried that you’ll get involved with him then things will go wrong and he’ll be gone...”

Jensen sighed and walked over to her. “I know but I wish you’d just relax about it. I know that there’s a chance he’ll pass on but I love Jared, he’s always been my best friend and being with him just makes sense.”

Donna nodded slowly and looked into her son’s eyes. “I was a drama queen. Jared is good for you and I can tell you’re good for him. I don’t think I saw him smiling as much that night since before his diagnoses.” She paused and glanced at the bathroom door. “Be careful with him,” she murmured and slipped right back out of the room.

Jensen smiled softly to himself. Maybe he didn’t have to worry about lying to Jared anymore. Quickly, he gathered their clothing and went into the bathroom to find Jared in the middle of washing his hair. He smiled at his boyfriend and rid himself of his sleep clothes. Jensen liked the small smile on Jared’s face as he climbed into the tub across from him.

Jared scrunched his nose up and rinsed his hair before crawling over to Jensen and settling himself right next to the dirty blonde. “I’m glad your tub is bigger than mine or this would be really awkward.”

Chuckling softly, Jensen put his arm around Jared’s shoulders, pulling him closer and resting his cheek on Jared’s head. Jensen really didn’t know what to say to him. Jensen was trying to contain his happiness that his mom seemed to understand them and he was trying to keep his plan for later that day a secret. Keeping secrets from Jared wasn’t ever an easy thing to do though because he always just seemed to know when something wasn’t right.

Jensen wanted everything for the day to be as far from the current drama which was Jared’s radiation and bone marrow transplant talk. He had planned a few things but still didn’t want to think of them, in case he said something aloud. 

“I want a dog,” Jared murmured randomly. 

“A dog?”

“Yes, I think I’m a dog person. Why not?” Jared looked up at Jensen with those innocent eyes.

Jensen smiled and pushed the hair that was sticking to Jared’s face away. “You could ask your mom. She’d probably let you do anything,” Jensen replied. “What kind of dog?”

Jared leaned his head on Jensen’s shoulder and looked up at the ceiling. “Hmm, a small one that isn’t annoying. I like pugs but they have weird nose problems. I don’t really know what kind but Mom probably won’t let me get one. I’ve asked before and she said no.”

“You never know.”

Jared shrugged. “I guess not.” Jared was quiet for a few minutes, not knowing what to say until he remembered something. “Didn’t you say you had something waiting for me downstairs?”

“Yeah but we’ve got a little time still, right?” Jensen smiled down at Jared and gave his arm a gentle squeeze.

The younger boy slid an arm around his boyfriend and nuzzled his chest. “I’d be okay with staying right here until the water turned cold,” he whispered and closed his eyes slowly.

Jensen smiled and lifted Jared’s chin, slowly lowering his lips onto his boyfriend’s. Jared giggled and tugged on Jensen’s loose hair. He was suddenly feeling very shy about everything. At first, he had been thinking he would be okay being open with Jensen. That they’d be moving along with their lives, in more way than one, in no time at all but at the feeling of more force in a few simple kisses, Jared was second guessing that. Jared blushed deeply and pulled away; he was just feeling too shy with being in the bathtub and kissing at the same time.

Shaking his head, Jensen began to wash his chest. “You are adorable,” Jensen murmured and gave him a little wink.

Jared smiled and bit his bottom lip and began to wash himself as well. He didn’t understand how after so many years of being best friends Jensen could still look at him and see him as adorable, it just didn’t make sense. They’d seen each other in the worst of times, when they were sick or dirty or just in bad moods. How was Jensen able to say such sweet things to Jared after they’d been friends almost their entire lives?

Jared finished washing himself and rinsed the suds from his body. He hadn’t noticed that he was actually nervous around his boyfriend. Even if Jensen was best friend before anything else, he hadn’t realized it before. Jared blushed deeply when he saw Jensen’s eyes roaming over his body.

“Jen,” Jared squeaked and pushed his arm. “Stop it...”

The blonde grinned at his boyfriend’s shyness and stood up, holding his hands out for Jared. Jared took them, getting up slowly and stumbling a little. On reflex, Jensen put his hand on Jared’s hip and steadied him. Jared gave him an innocent smile before looking down and blushing deeper.

Jensen kissed Jared’s cheek and got out of the tub, holding a hand out for him. Jared’s mind was in a blur as he took his best friends hand and their lips were connected for a short second. He felt so lightheaded but that didn’t stop him from drying himself, dressing and even blow-drying his hair. Jared wanted to think about him and Jensen but he couldn’t get his mind off of the new feeling deep in his stomach whenever he kissed Jensen. First he thought about Jensen’s weird mood then he couldn’t stop thinking about his own weird feelings? His mind was going crazy and he knew it wasn’t from his medication.

“I don’t have my medicine,” Jared murmured and glanced at Jensen.

“That’s alright, we aren’t leaving the house for a few hours and if you really want to stop home we can,” Jensen smiled and rested his hand on Jared’s lower back. “Let’s go downstairs.”

Jared looked down at his toes. He couldn’t believe the new feelings in his stomach! There were butterflies flapping wildly throughout his entire body and his mind was turning fuzzy again. He leaned back into Jensen’s hand a little and gave him a shy smile. Why was this all happening? Suddenly, after over fifteen years of seeing Jensen’s face and being his best friend, why did he have to start seeing how amazingly cute Jensen really was? Jared sighed and made his way towards the staircase, trying to forget as best as he could of how incredibly gorgeous Jensen was.

Jensen set his hand on Jared’s shoulder and led him onto the back patio. “I hope that this is a good enough surprise,” Jensen whispered into his ear and opened the backdoor.

Jared smiled and wrapped his arms around Jensen’s waist. “I haven’t been allowed to have West End’s in forever, Jen...”

The older boy grinned and leaned his head against Jared’s. “I thought that it would be nice for you to get some of that comfort food you always talk about,” Jensen said and turned him towards the table. “Donuts, waffles and a ton of stuff that I have no idea the name for. Donna ordered everything and picked it up earlier.”

Jared turned and looked Jensen in the eyes, the butterflies deep in his stomach fluttering up once more. “Thanks,” he whispered shyly. He really couldn’t talk any louder than that.

Jensen nodded and gently pushed Jared over to the table. “Eat up. I’ll tell you, I’ve been starving since I woke up at ten when Mom got home with all of this stuff,” he chuckled and pulled a chair out for Jared.

Sighing deeply, the chestnut-haired teen took a seat, absorbing the entire table. There were tons of different kinds of breakfast foods littering the surface, begging for Jared to eat them. The younger boy looked up, glancing at his boyfriend just across from him, devouring the different donuts. Jared smiled to himself and began eating too.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so good, without having to worry about anything in his life.  
* * *

 

Jared still couldn’t shake the shock of his new found feelings for Jensen off. He’d had an innocent crush on him for longer than he wanted but the way his stomach continued to flip made him confused. Jared sighed and tugged Jensen’s arms tighter around his waist and he sat back further on his boyfriend’s lap. His stomach was still flipping and Jensen’s fingers never stopped something over Jared’s stomach as they watched the sun set from the roof of Jensen’s house.

How was everything changing so much? Sure, it was just still Jensen, his best friend and the only person that Jared truly trusted apart from his mother but it was still getting so different. How? Why? Was everything Jensen did always going to sent Jared’s mind into a fuzzy mess that he couldn’t decode? If not, when were things going to get different?

Jared turned towards Jensen and smiled softly when he saw Jensen’s eyes already locked on his. Why was it so weird now? Jared leaned back into Jensen and pressed his ear right into Jensen’s chest. He liked the feeling in his body, kind of but he really missed it just being them.

Maybe things would get better, maybe things would be fine and they’d be just best friends again. Hopefully, at least.

“Do you want to go back inside?” Jensen whispered when he saw Jared’s eyes sliding closed.

Jared shook his head. “No, let’s stay out here a little longer. I like watching the stars...”

“Your eyes aren’t open.”

“So?”

Jensen grinned. Although he wasn’t aware of it, he was thinking along the same lines as Jared. He really just wanted them to be best friends again but he wanted to give Jared a love that he wouldn’t forget if he did end up passing away. One of Jensen’s biggest wants for his boyfriend’s life was that he would always remember the good times that they had. He hoped that he was doing was Jared wanted ...


	12. 4 Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared only has four days until he goes into Isolation for his treatment, and the nerves set in.

“Jen, can we talk a minute?” Jared said softly, pushing his math textbook aside.

Jensen raised an eyebrow, writing down the last of his answer. “What about?” He continued to write down on his paper, referencing to his book every few seconds.

Jared sighed and put his hand on top of Jensen’s. “Without homework distracting you, just for ten minutes, please.”

The green-eyed boy put his pencil down and finally looked up. “What’s wrong?”

Jared’s expression was easy to read for Jensen, he could tell that something was bothering his best friend, whatever it might have been. They’d just been sitting at the kitchen table for the last hour working on homework; Jared kept flicking through the new iPod Sherri got him, trying to find music they could agree upon, so nothing really had been said, apart from asking questions. Could Jensen still have said something wrong before that?

Jared gave Jensen’s hand a little squeeze. “Us, I’ve been thinking,” he said slowly and got up, walking around the table and plopping himself into Jensen’s lap.

Jensen took a deep breath. “Yeah, and?”

“I don’t want our friendship to fall apart because we’re together but I don’t not want to be with you,” Jared said, his voice gentle. He took Jensen’s hand and looked into his eyes, smiling small. “I love you, Jen and I just want us to be normal with...” Jared lowered his voice and looked down again. “Kissing too...”

Jensen let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and took hold of Jared’s chin, making him look into his eyes. Jared’s cheeks turned slightly pink and he smiled. Jensen was surprised to hear those words but so relieved. He pressed his lips against Jared’s softly and sighed into his mouth. The younger boy squeaked quietly and pulled away after just a few seconds.

“I love you, too,” Jensen whispered and gave Jared’s side a little squeeze.

Jared smiled and leaned his head on Jensen’s shoulder. “I start radiation next week...”

“I’ll stop by every day I can after school to see you, I promise,” he replied and wrapped his arms around his best friend’s waist.

The younger boy smoothed a hand down Jensen’s arm and sighed softly. He was scared of what the next three to four weeks were going to bring him. He would start a treatment that would completely destroy his immune system and hopefully the cancer that was trying to kill him. Was it going to be enough? Jared closed his eyes and bit at his upper lip.

“You’ll be fine,” Jensen said. “I’ve talked to our teachers and if anything happens during the school day and you need me, I’ll be excused from class. They’re going to let me help you with all of your homework and let me bring you your tests to take while at the hospital. You’ll be back mid-November without any problems.”

Jared nodded and sighed once more, his stomach turning in a pleasurable way. Just a few days before, the feeling would have scared him and the way Jensen was stroking his hip would have made him feel like he was losing his best friend when really, he wasn’t losing anything. He was gaining a life experience with the single person he trusted with his life, he was gaining the person that was going to take care of him no matter what, apart from his mother. Jared smiled and kissed Jensen’s cheek wetly.

Jensen groaned. “Jared, that was gross,” he chuckled.

Jared giggled softly and wiped Jensen’s cheek with the back of his hand. “Thank you, so much,” he breathed into Jensen’s ear. “I don’t know what I’d do without you and having you in my life as my best friend and boyfriend means a lot. I... I feel something I thought I never would and it means so much to share it with you.”

A shiver ran through Jensen’s body as he felt Jared’s breath running down his neck. “I’d do anything for your happiness,” Jensen spoke softly. “It just so happens I like you a little more than I should.”

The corners of Jared’s lips turned up and he pressed his nose into the curve of Jensen’s neck. “Yeah, I’m okay with that.”  
* * *

 

Jared sat on his bed, his eyes glued to the timer at the bottom of his cell phone screen; four days until he went into isolation. He was scared, more scared than anything in his life. More scared than when he had lost his father, more scared than he had been when he was diagnosed. Not only was he scared but he was excited. Excited that this might be the end of leukemia, the end of waking up at three in the morning, sweating and needing to get to the bathroom as soon as possible, maybe the end of his life too... 

Jared sighed and closed his phone, putting on the bed beside him. What if this was the ending of his life? He and Jensen were so close; he didn’t know how Jensen’s life would be without him. Jensen had said time and time again that he needed Jared to keep him happy but what if Jared wasn’t around anymore? 

Jared bit into is bottom lip and picked up a picture sitting on his end table. It was he and his best friend hugging tightly after a doctor’s appointment in the second summer of treatments. Jared smiled lightly at the memory and ran his thumb over the laminated image. Jensen’s face was pressed into the crook of Jared’s neck, his hand gripping at Jared’s tee-shirt. Jensen had been without his best friend for two weeks at that point, Jared’s treatments in Alabama had been very serious and no one but family could go into the hospital room. Jensen was torn at that point but the moment Jared was released from the hospital and flown home again; he didn’t waste a single moment going to Jensen’s house.

“I hope this goes away, Jen,” Jared whispered to himself and set the picture down again.

Taking a deep breath, Jared stood up and crossed his room, pulling a little box off the top of his dresser. It was time to look at all the things he’d put away, in fear that he would one day lose them from his life completely. He wanted to go into the hospital with them in just four little days, in case things didn’t go as planned. 

After picking up the small wooden box, Jared sat himself onto the rug in the middle of his room. The box was small, no bigger than a deck of cards probably, just deeper when opened. It was a glazed deep brown and the top of the box had a picture put into it but nothing normal at all. It was Gerald’s gift to Jared just a few months before he passed, so it had something Gerald loved to do in it; a scene of ducks in a lake. It looked to have been made out of paper under the thin plate of glass, two small white ducks floating towards land that was just two little trees and some weeds.

Jared lifted the lid, smiling at the engravement on the inside. To my son, the best kid in the world. Love, Dad. Jared bit his bottom lip and blinked back a few tears. He hadn’t realized how much he missed his dad until then.

He set the lid down, the ducks facing up, smiling if they could at him. The inside of the box was simple, just a thin red silk lining the box but what was inside was far from simple. Gerald knew everything about Jared, cared for him no matter what and still praised him with all the love in the world. After Jared was born, Sherri and he had tried to have one more child but according to the doctors, it wasn’t safe for Sherri to carry another child. It broke their hearts so; they showered Jared with everything he could want. Jared wasn’t ever one to beg for things or even ask for things he didn’t absolutely need but in early 2000, Jared saw one thing he wanted; his father’s favorite necklace. Gerald was a Scorpio, having been born in late October and for a birthday gift, his mother gave him a twenty-four caret gold necklace with a Scorpio on the pendent. Gerald loved the thing and wore it every single day.

Jared picked up the small chain and pendent with gentle fingers. He’d asked his father if he could wear it, just once, instead Gerald gave it to him. Jared was thrilled and wore it every single day until his diagnoses. After he was told of his cancer, Jared felt no need to hold onto things near and dear to his heart for they would all be gone someday, no longer his. Jared unclasped the chain and moved it around his neck, clasping it together again. He smiled and pulled his hair out from beneath the chain, letting the Scorpio fall against his chest. His father was close to his heart once again.

Reaching into the small box again, Jared pulled out a small golden coin. His dad was big on collecting random things throughout his life and coins had been a big part of it. Gerald had been to Mexico a few times, while there he found a small coin on the street. It was very simple, as most things Gerald had. The center was a lighter gold while the rest was deep. On the center was written N$5, Jared assumed was its worth. 

The last two items in the box were pictures, folded in half twice. Jared took in a deep breath and lifted the first out, unfolding it both times. Jared felt his heart in his throat but looked down at the photo. His father was giving him a hug after returning from a month long business trip to California. Jared had missed his dad so much in the four weeks and was crying out of happiness when he returned. Jared refolded the picture and set it down, taking the other out gently and smoothing out the creases; it was more significant in his mind.

The photo was more worn out than the first, where it had been folded numerous times was beginning to fade away but it didn’t take from the value of the picture. It was Gerald, sitting in a hospital chair with a small bundle in his arms; Jared. Just a few hours after his son was born, Gerald had the nurse capture his excitement with a fast picture. Gerald was smiling brighter than Jared could remember. While growing up, Jared had seen the smile a few times, like when he brought home his first one hundred percent on his spelling test or when he told the kids on the playground that he did not want a cigarette because he wanted to be as tall as his daddy. Jared saw it a few times but it never seemed too compared to the picture that laid in his hands.

Jared hadn’t realized he was crying until a little bead of moisture slipped down his nose and landed on the picture. He wiped the little drop from the picture and folded it once more, tucking it back into the box with the other photo and coin. He was going to start wearing his necklace again and when he left for the hospital in four days, he was going to take the little box with him.

The teen stood up, taking the box with him and set it on his bedside table before laying down and picking up his cell phone. He flipped it open, sighing when he saw the timer again and opened a text message to Jensen.

Jared rolled onto his back after sending the message and looked up at the ceiling. He hoped that things would get better when he left for his new treatment. He placed his hand over the pendant on his neck and smiled. He had his dad with him now so maybe, just maybe, things wouldn’t be so tough anymore .


	13. News

Chad took a sip of his soda and set it back down. “Oh! My doctor sent me a letter today, I wanted to waited and open it with you, Jared.”

Jared sat up from where his head was resting on Jensen’s shoulder and gave his friend a questioning look. “Why’d you want to wait and open it with me?”

The blond let out a deep sigh. “We went through a lot of this together and I just needed two of my best friends by my side when I find out if I’m cancer free or not.”

Jared blushed deeply and nodded. “Okay, well, get the letter and let’s see,” he said, trying to sound excited.

Jared was happy for Chad, being in remission and possibly cancer free but he couldn’t shake the little jealousy he felt in his stomach. When was Jared going to get a free life? Was he going to? Jared sighed, more to himself. Of course he would. He wasn’t going to let cancer drag him down anymore. If it never went away and he died within the next few years, he’d live with that but he had to just be positive.

Ignoring the tugging jealousy in his stomach, Jared forced his attention back to Chad. The blond was holding a small envelop in his hands, one finger beneath the opening as if he were waiting for someone to tell him to rip the thing open.

“Chad, just do it,” Jared murmured and put his hand on the blonde’s arm. He gave him an encouraging smile when he saw the reluctance in his friend’s eyes.

Chad blew out a long breath and ripped the envelop open and passed the letter to Jensen. “You read it, I can’t.” Jensen looked up at him, his brow cocked up. “Please, Jensen?” Chad asked, his bottom lip jetting out slightly.

Jensen sighed. “You and Jared both get me with that stupid pout,” he mumbled and picked up the paper. Jared and Chad had their eyes glued on him as he looked over the letter, skimming the words quickly. He read it once, and then twice to make sure he hadn’t missed anything then cleared his throat, locking eyes with Chad. “We at Riverside Hospital of South Bend, Indiana are pleased to inform you, Chad Freedman that you are cancer free. Dr. James Montgomery is willing to address any questions you have... Blah, blah, blah. Congratulations and we hope you live your life the way it should have been from the start.”

Chad pressed his hand over his mouth and stared wide-eyed at the blonde teen. Jared’s eyes were nearly just as big. The chestnut-haired teen took the paper and glanced over it quickly. It was true; Chad was one hundred percent cancer free.

Jared set the paper down and walked around the table, wrapping his arms around his now crying friend. It was obvious how happy he was to get that news and Jared just wanted to show him he wasn’t jealous, even if he was. Jared ran his hands up and down Chad’ arm, soothing him and letting him cry out in happiness. Some of the other students in the cafeteria were beginning to look at them, their eyebrows raised. Jared rolled his eyes. No one ever seemed to care before someone was in tears.

A short hair blonde walked over to the table and took a seat across from them, where Jared had been sitting. She gave Jensen a little smile before turning to the two across from her. “What’s–”

“Save it,” Jared interrupted, raising his hand to stop her. “You didn’t care twenty minutes ago when we were laughing.”

Jensen’s eyes widened at his boyfriend’s reaction and she quickly got up, stepping away. “What was that, Jared?” Jensen asked, leaning his elbows on the table and staring intensely into Jared’s eyes.

Jared glanced at the girl that was sitting at another table, her chin resting on some jock’s shoulder and whispering into his ear. He glanced at Jared and gave the girl an eye roll, mouthing something that looked a lot like fag. Jared sighed.

“Whenever someone cries or gets upset,” he said softly, still smoothing his hands over Chad’ arms. “No matter who they are, everyone seems to care. I don’t like it. Chad hasn’t ever talked to that girl nor have you and I. Why was she suddenly coming over to our table, checking you out and trying to get into a conversation about something she has no business butting into?”

Jensen ran his fingers over the table and his brows pulled together in the middle, creating a crease. “You’ve got a good point. I don’t even know that girls name...”

They both shared a small smile before Jared pulled Chad up, looking in his eyes and kissed his forehead. “Why are you crying, Chad? You’re healthy as a newborn baby,”

The blond gave him a teary-eyed smile and sniffled. “My mom said if I become cancer free she’ll take me back to Germany this summer and that we’ll have the money to get me into college.” Chad picked up a napkin from the center of the table and dabbed at his cheeks, trying not to mess up his eyeliner too much more. “No more three jobs or having to cut back on the water usage in the house. We’re finally going to be a normal family again and that means so much to me.”

Jared grinned widely and took the paper from him, fixing the few places he had missed. “I’m happy for you, Chad. Take a million pictures for me when you go to Germany, even if that’s forever away.”

Chad let out a small chuckle. “You’re next, Jared,” he whispered and squeezed his shoulder. “You’ll be cancer free in no time and all three of us will do something totally crazy.”

Jared looked from his friend to his boyfriend and grinned happily at them both. Yeah, he would be cancer free someday, soon or not wasn’t a big deal. He was finally reaching the point of having some kind of hope and that was a good thing for him to finally accomplish.  
* * *

 

Jared laid down on his bedroom floor, his books scattered around him in what a normal person would have thought was disorganized but Jared knew where everything was. He picked up his pencil and began writing down on his notebook paper. Usually, Jared would have done his math homework on graph paper but today he couldn’t find any.

“What’s sixteen times four?” Jensen asked from where he was sitting at the desk.

“Sixty-four,” Jared replied without missing a beat; he was good when it came to math class.

“Genius,” Jensen mumbled.

“Oh please,” the brunette-haired teen said, scribbling down a few more answers quickly. “You just don’t take the time to think. Mr. Thobe has said that time and time again and you still don’t listen to him.”

Jensen shrugged his shoulders. “Living off Dad’s money, what am I going to need a job for?”

“Controlling his money? Making sure you don’t overspend?”

Jensen grunted. “I hate how you have such fast comebacks.”

Jared snickered. “Not my fault. My dad was a true genius at comebacks. I learned it from him.” Jared wrote down another answer and set his pencil down. He wasn’t sure he had ever finished twenty math problems so fast. “Well I’m done with my math.”

Jensen turned to him, his eyes wide. “I’m so mad at you. I’m still on number fourteen. What did you get for it? Help me, Jared!”

Jared smiled at him and hoisted himself off the ground, stretching his back out and cracking it a few times before he walked over to where Jensen sat. He leaned over him and looked at the book. 3y-6x+4(3y)=228

“Jen, are you serious?”

The gelled hair boy looked up at him, a shy smile on his lips. “Variables hate me and I hate them. There are too many,” he explained. “I might have gotten to be a senior but I still can’t handle variables.”

Jared sighed and pointed at y. “Sixteen.” He paused and moved his finger over to the x. “Two.”

Jensen looked up at him questioningly. “Combine like terms then do the order of operations. Look at fifteen and try it. I’m going to go get us something to eat. If you get the problem right, you can have one of my cookies,” Jared grinned and started to turn away from Jensen when his wrist was grabbed gently and he was pulled back, lChadng gently in Jensen’s lap.

Jared let out oomph and looked into Jensen’s eyes. “What?”

Jensen grinned and moved in slowly, pressing their lips together for a few moments before pulling back and patting his lower back. Jared just stared at him, a soft pink starting to appear on his cheeks. Shrugging his shoulders, the older teen leaned in and kissed him again, slipping his fingers just beneath the small tee-shirt Jared was wearing and caressing his soft skin there.

Jared sighed directly into Jensen’s mouth and molded their mouths together several times, just loving the feeling of Jensen’s lips on his own. Before that moment, it didn’t occur to Jared why it felt so good to be kissing Jensen, until he remembered it was the first kisses of the day.

They parted moments later and Jared’s face was bright completely bright red. He smiled sweetly at Jensen and stood up slowly, swaying at little at the dizziness in his head. He pointed at the textbook. “T-try fifteen. I’ll be back...”

Jensen chuckled softly as Jared walked out of the room, holding his head a little. Jared turned down the hall and took his time on the stairs. He was so lightheaded, just from kissing Jensen. Jared loved it though and he loved how Jensen always made him feel so good. It was weird that just a few days prior he had been slightly scared of things that were happening between him and his best friend. The thought of being scared when around Jensen was completely ridiculous all in itself. Jensen was the nicest, most thoughtful (and if Jared was honest with himself, most attractive) person he knew. Of course, his mother and Jensen were tied on the nice and thoughtful part but Jensen definitely won most attractive hands down. 

Jared giggled at how silly his thoughts were and opened the refrigerator. There wasn’t much but Sherri had just left for groceries so he knew there would be more things to eat later. Jared grabbed a bottle of apple juice and some grapes and a can of soda for Jensen. He closed the door and pressed the cool can against his head. Thinking about Jensen was starting to get him flustered. Well, only when his thoughts went back to the way his best friend kissed him. Jared let out a soft, almost girly giggle. He felt like a teenage girl!

“I need to relax,” Jared mumbled to himself and pressed the can to his chest. His heart was beating a million times a second and he felt like he was going to pass out any second.

All of the mixed emotions over the last few days were messing with his head. He went from loving Jensen as his best friend, to wanting nothing more than call him boyfriend, to nearly hating what it was doing to their friendship then finally landed on loving Jensen as a best friend and wanting to call him boyfriend. It was so exhilarating but at the same time, exhausting. Jared hadn’t had a real relationship in his life, so that could have been a reason for the emotional game he was in but he didn’t think anything could be like this.

“Jensen,” Jared sighed. He was the boy that had seen him in the best and worst points of his life and never judged him for any of it. Jensen had seen him when he accidentally peed himself in the second grade on the way home from school, he had seen Jared throw up on himself a few times, he had even seen Jared eat mud before they were even in kindergarten.

Jared reached into the cupboard and pulled out the last package of cookies. Jared knew that his emotions were going to play with him a little bit but that was okay. Jensen was understanding and would let Jared change his mind as many times as he wanted. Jared bit the inside of his cheek at that thought though. He didn’t want to make Jensen go through the issues he should have faced himself.

“How’d it go on number fifteen? And I’ll know if you cheated,” Jared asked as he walked into his bedroom.

Jensen looked up from his book, a bright grin on his face that made Jared’s stomach leap; Jensen was so handsome when he smiled like that. “I got fifteen, sixteen and seventeen. You really are genius, babe.”

The blood instantly rose to Jared’s cheeks, coloring them prettily. Babe, such a simple nickname... “What’s the answer to fifteen?”

“X equals y plus fourteen all over seven.” Jared nodded and set the snacks on the corner of the desk. “Sixteen is three hundred... no,” Jensen paused and looked closer at his paper and the original problem. Jared waited patiently, pulling out a cookie and nibbling on it.

Jensen looked from the original to the answer a few times before erasing his answer and starting over. He mumbled different numbers and drummed his fingers onto the desk when he was counting before he wrote down a new answer and smiled at Jared.

“Sixteen is sixty two.”

Jared beamed and handed Jensen a cookie. “That’s right. Now take your time from now and you’ll get them right the first time. What’s seventeen?”

“M is equal to forty-seven when x is equal to negative three,” Jensen replied and set the cookie on his paper. “Can I have a different reward?”

Jared chuckled and picked up a grape between his fingers. He knew what Jensen meant but it was more fun to play with is head a little. “Open,” he said.

Jensen raised an eyebrow but opened his mouth anyway. Jared slipped the grape into his mouth and made sure to touch Jensen’s bottom lip when he pulled his finger back. Jensen nearly chocked when he closed his mouth. What the heck was Jared doing? Jensen shook the thought off though and swallowed the sweet treat.

“That wasn’t what I meant.”

Jared shrugged. “Grapes are so much better though. They have yummy juice and they’re crunchy and just delicious. Plus, they’re healthy,” he explained, humor definitely noticeable in his voice.

Jensen smiled and shook his head. He could have said so much to that but he wasn’t going to startle Jared with his blunt response. “I don’t think you taste too bad,” he mumbled. It was much safer than the answer he had planned before.

The chestnut-haired teen gasped softly, a grin still on his face and he leaned down, kissing Jensen gently. The corners of their mouths turned up as they kissed until they finally pulled apart.

“Yes, I was right,” Jensen declared. “You don’t taste bad. Kind of like chocolate chip cookies but better than grapes.”

Quickly, Jared looked away, hiding his scarlet cheeks. “Shush, Jen,” he mumbled and popped grape into his mouth.

The dread-locked teen shook his head and pulled Jared gently in his lap. “I like seeing you blush. It’s cute,” he whispered directly into Jared’s ear. “May I have another grape?”

Jared turned to him and slid between his lips, touching his bottom lip just like before. They both shared a smile before their lips met again .


	14. Almost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry if this chapter or the last one mentions Jensen having dread-locks that was a consideration and I wrote it out but might not have fixed everything!

“And we’re here,” Jensen announced as he pulled into the sandy parking lot.

Jared opened his eyes slowly and looked around before stifling a yawn. He had slept the entire forty minute drive to the dunes but he was suddenly feeling full of energy. “A perfect place to relax at,” he said, his lips pulled into the most charming smiles he could manage.

Jensen felt his heart flutter at the sight; all he wanted was Jared to relax and be happy before tomorrow. The following day was Jared first appointment and day of isolation at the hospital. It was scary for more than just Jared too. Jensen hadn’t slept much at all the night before in fear of losing the last few sleeping moments not seeing Jared’s face, so at peace in his dreamland. Jensen knew those thoughts were highly negative for how positive he suddenly was but he couldn’t shake the feeling from his spine. More than anything in the world, Jensen wanted Jared healthy but he was just fearful of things going wrong the next day.

Jared was already out of the car, gathering their things from the truck when Jensen finally got out and locked the doors. Jensen took the things from Jared and smiled when he pouted at him.

“I’m capable, Jen,” he said and pinched his arm before closing the trunk. “Is the path still closed?”

Jensen looked over to where the path started and squinted his eyes for anything like a sign. “Doesn’t look like it, nope.”

“Awesome, let’s go that way,” he replied and carefully took his bag from Jensen’s hands. “I took some of my mom’s Quaker Chewy chocolate chip bars!”

Jensen’s stomach growled at the sound of the yummy granola bar. “I’ll take one when we get to where we’re gonna lay out.”

Jared shook his head and took one of the towels from Jensen. “There, now you can have on the way up. I know you didn’t eat breakfast before we left, you were too busy staring at me!” Jared giggled and stuck his tongue out at his best friend then handed him a granola bar, making Jensen’s stomach growl once more.

“Is that a problem?” Jensen asked defensively.

“Well, no...” Jared admitted sheepishly. “But that doesn’t mean it isn’t creepy!” he added quickly.

Jensen rolled his eyes and opened the wrapper, shoving half of the bar into his mouth and nearly moaning as it hit his tongue. He felt silly but he hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before. Usually, it was Jared who would skip meals but Jensen had been in the last few days, just because he was nervous for Jared. He wanted to keep every moment possible open for his best friend and if that meant skipping dinner every few nights, he would do it.

Jared grinned and pushed at Jensen’s shoulder. “Come on, goober, we’ve got Lake Michigan waiting for us!”

“Did you just call me a goober?” Jensen asked, being playfully astonished.

The dark-haired teen simple smiled bigger and skipped right by him, toward the pathway. Jensen couldn’t help but inhale deeply as Jared went by either. He smelled so good today for some reason. Jensen thought it was the mix of his sun block and the new scented shampoo he was allowed to use but there was something about the whole smell that just made Jared seem almost angelic when he would walk by, the wind blowing the aroma into Jensen’s nose.

Jensen tossed the wrapper from his ‘breakfast’ into the trashcan and caught up with Jared. In the last twenty four hours Jensen had been thinking a lot more about everything that Jared was going through. He knew that it was hard, that was obvious but as he laid awake, watching Jared’s childlike face as he slept, he started wondering just how it was for Jared to go from day to day, having to live with this thing that was trying to take his life. Jensen hadn’t known how that felt because it wasn’t him and he still wished to take the sickness from Jared, if only for a day.

“Move that stuff into your other hand,” Jared whispered and touched Jensen’s wrist.

Jensen did as told and soon felt Jared’s hand cupping his and soon, their fingers twisting together. Jensen’s stomach tightened a little and he gave Jared a big smile. He felt so stupid that now that he and Jared were something and it was going well he got those spiders crawling on the walls of his stomach. Before, when he just liked Jared, he didn’t start to break out into a sweat nor have the spiders...

“I forgot to ask, how do you think you did on your math test?” Jared asked, giving Jensen’s hand a soft squeeze.

“I feel awesome about it, to be honest,” Jensen replied. “And I’ve got to thank you for that. I wouldn’t have passed it if you didn’t tell me to just take my time.”

Jared’s cheeks turned bright red and he looked down at his feet as he walked the last few steps. “I’m glad to help...”

Jensen’s own cheeks turned a soft pink and he put his arm around Jared’s back, stopping beside him at the top of the dunes. He really loved going to the lake, it was usually so peaceful and since it was still early in the morning, no one was around.

“It’s so beautiful here,” Jared mused and took a step closer to Jensen, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on his chest. “Thanks again, Jen.”

Giving Jared’s hip a little squeeze and pecking the side of his head, Jensen nodded. “It’s a good place for us both to relax,” he murmured and if it hadn’t sounded clichéd, he probably would have said Jared looked more beautiful than the view.

They stood still for a few moments, just holding the other and enjoying the lovely water sparkling in the early morning sun. It was October now, so it was a little more chilly than the last time they’d come here but for some reason, Jensen felt so much hotter this time. He sighed, a shiver running throughout his body; he could blame Jared for how he felt right then.

“Let’s go cool down in the water, hm?” Jensen whispered and gave his side another gentle squeeze.

Jared nodded and slowly walked down the side of the mountain of sand. Jensen watched him for a moment before following. The only thing that Jensen could think about, apart from how good it felt to be out of Mishawaka, was how terrified he was for the next few weeks. Tomorrow morning, Jared was going into isolation. Jensen would see him every week but only once and sometimes, there was the chance that he wouldn’t see Jared at all. It was scary for him too because this was his best friend and boyfriend, he couldn’t be without Jared in his life because he was such a big part of it. Who was Jensen kidding? Jared was his life. They never left each other’s side other than sleep and sometimes, that didn’t even happen. They were far too close to let something break them apart and Jensen just hoped that things would go just fine tomorrow. Hoping was all he could do anyway, right?

The blonde teen spread out the oversized towel and sat down, waiting for Jared to sit beside him. “I want to put a little more sun block on your shoulders,” he said, squinting up at Jared. “Last time you got a little pink and you hate aloe more than anything.”

Jared pulled a face and fell gently onto the ground beside Jensen. “Green goop, ick,” he mumbled and pulled his hair off his shoulders.

Letting a soft chuckle out, Jensen pulled the sunscreen from their bag and squirted a bit into his hands, before spreading it over Jared’s shoulders. For some odd reason the moment Jensen touched his best friend’s flesh, he felt his stomach heat up and his mind going crazy with thoughts of him. It wasn’t a pleasurable whirling in his gut but a worry and sorrow spreading. Jensen closed his eyes for a moment, clearing his mind of the negative thinking and continued smoothing his hands down Jared’s milky white skin.

“Jen,” Jared giggled after a moment. “Let’s go swimming now. You’ve been at it for ten minutes.”

Jared turned to him, smiling innocently and flicked Jensen on the nose playfully. “Thanks,” he said and jumped up, kicking off his flip flops and pulling his hair into a lose ponytail at the nape of his neck.

Before Jensen could even get up, Jared was in the water, swimming out far. He couldn’t help but crack a little grin. Jared was so adorable, all the time. Jensen took his own shoes off and followed after him, swimming slower but just as far as Jared had gone and stopped.

Jensen snaked his arms around Jared’s waist and pulled him against his chest. “What’re you doing?” he said into his ear.

Jared let out a soft squeal and turned around in his best friend’s arms, quickly throwing his own around Jensen’s neck. “I was looking at the water. It’s really blue today.”

Neither boy said anything for a few moments, simply holding the other in his arms. What was there to say? The cool water around them was splashing against their skin, a soft breeze blowing constantly and the sun beating down on them, it was the picture of perfection and really, they didn’t want to ruin it with spoken words.

The dark-haired teen leaned in slowly, pressing his mouth against Jensen’s. He let out a little sigh and weaved his fingers through Jensen’s hair. He felt good and he was going to miss Jensen a lot when he left in the morning but there was no need to think about that then, it was time for relaxation. Jared continued pressing his mouth against Jensen’s, tasting the big of lake water and the wonderful, almost fluffy taste of Jensen’s pink lips. It was a good flavor, almost like having a cupcake after a really long time.

Jensen was worried, yes but when he sensed the emotions put into the tiny kisses he was sharing with his best friend, he could feel that things would eventually look up and they would be seeing each other a lot in the next few weeks. 

Jensen pressed his hands flat against Jared’s back, bringing him in closer as their lips still moved against each other, nothing more than simple pecks though.  
* * *

 

After a few more hours of swimming, the couple left for lunch in the middle of Michigan City. Sahara Restaurant was the first place they found and after eating a wonderful Mediterranean inspired lunch, the boys set out to walk up and down the street, digesting their food just a little more before swimming. There wasn’t much on Franklin Street but it was enough to keep the two occupied.

Jared stopped and dropped Jensen’s hand. “Do you see who that is?” he mumbled, staring straight ahead.

Jensen squinted after Jared’s gaze. “No, I don’t.”

“It’s Alex! My cousin!” Jared said excitedly, and turned toward the blond head approaching them slowly. “Gus!” he yelled.

The blond looked up from where his eyes were watching the ground and narrowed his eyes behind his horn-rimmed glasses, getting a closer look at the two that were still nearly a half a block away. He gasped and quickly ran down the sidewalk, catching up to the two teens.

“Jared!” he cried happily and stopped in front of them. “What’re you doing here?”

Jared gestured at Jensen. “Jensen brought me here to relax before Tomorrow,” he said, not needing details, thankfully. Alex knew everything he needed to know about Jared’s health. “We just got done having lunch and we’re about to go back to the dunes.”

Jared hadn’t even noticed that his cousin’s eyes were locked on his boyfriend’s bare arms until then. Jared frowned and Jensen saw the saddened expression on his face so he slipped his hand into Jared’s, pulling him just a little closer to his side. Alex let out a deep breath and looked back into his cousin’s eyes.

“That’s fun. How have things been going for you?” Alex asked.

The chestnut-haired teen shrugged. “Not too bad, actually. What about you? Didn’t you get into Ohio State University?”

“Yeah, I did but I didn’t go. I couldn’t leave the state with you so sick,” he admitted and smiled. “You’re my favorite cousin, I couldn’t leave. I’m going to a business college not far from here and I just wanted to stop by my dad’s shop.”

Jared’s face fell. “Gus, you shouldn’t have done that... You were so set on OSU...”

Jensen had stopped listening at that point. He knew that it was Jared’s family but for some reason, he felt weird around the blond. He wasn’t weird like most of Jared’s relatives but he had a strange vibe about him and Jensen just couldn’t figure out what that was. Plus, he really just wanted to spend his time with Jared...

The two relatives continued talking for a bit. “I never got to tell you,” Jared whispered, looking shyly at Jensen who was just staring at the side of the building beside them, lost in thought. “We’re dating.”

Alex gasped and put his hand over his mouth. “No way.”

Alex was probably the most relaxed out of all of Jared’s family, apart from Sherri. He was just a big sweetheart, really and most of the time, kept to himself, not bugging too much about minor details.

“Yeah, it’s been about a month. I’m so happy,” he said and giggled quietly. “I think we’re gonna get back to the dunes soon. Come down to Mishawaka soon though, okay? I miss you.”

Letting a little laugh out, Alex nodded. “I’ll be down the ending of the month with the rest of the family.”

“Good, good,” Jared said, nodding slowly.

He pulled his hand from Jensen’s slowly and wrapped his arms tightly around Alex. He missed him a lot and it was good to see him again. They held onto the other for a few moments before finally parting. They gave each other a soft smile before turning their own ways.

Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen, looking up at him. “Hey,” he sighed and touched his cheek. Jensen looked sad... “What’s wrong?”

Jensen shook his head quickly. “Nothing really, no. I’m just thinking again.”

“What about...?”

“Tomorrow...”

Jared stopped and put Jensen’s face into his hands. “Jen, stop. I’m gonna be okay.”

A few tears began to gather in Jensen’s eyes. “I’m just worried about you, babe.”

“I’m worried too but I think it’ll be okay,” Jared whispered and smoothed his hands over Jensen’s cheeks. “We’ll see each other a few times and I asked I’m allowed to text while there, I am. It’ll be okay.”

Jensen nodded slowly and pressed his mouth against Jared’s, pushing his tears back in and sighed. “It’ll be okay,” he mumbled, trying to convince himself as he molded his mouth into Jared’s a few more times.

They stood there for a few moments, Jared’s fingers winding through Jensen’s close cropped hair and their lips moving together innocently. Tomorrow was going to be a hard day to face but they had to do it, they had to get through the radiation, isolation and bone marrow transplant and they had to do it all together.

Jared pulled back after a few moments and touched below Jensen’s eyes. “I love you, Jensen,” he whispered.

The sentence slightly took Jensen aback but he didn’t miss a beat replying. “I love you, too.”

Sharing a sweet, childlike smile, the two began walking again. Tomorrow was going to be full of tears and time wishing everything was okay but after a few weeks of time apart, they’d be together once again, in the other’s arms, whispering that newfound love .


	15. Its Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its Time for Jared's treatment and everyones on edge.

Jared fiddled with the chain around his neck, his mind spinning absolutely out of control. He didn’t know what to do or say or really even think. There were so many things going on in his head, he couldn’t pick one thought from another. What was he going to do in the next few weeks? He’d only be allowed visitors on Saturdays and sometimes they wouldn’t be allowed in due to testing. What if they wouldn’t let his mother in? He needed her to be there all the time for him, just to know that little bit of confidence in her eyes hadn’t disappeared. And what about Jensen? He had to see him too. It was his best friend, he had always been there for him and held that same confidence in his eyes. What if Jared saw them after leaving the hospital and that was gone? 

“Knock, knock,” Jensen said, tapping his knuckles against the door. “We’ve got a couple of hours before you head to the hospital. What do you want to do?”

Jared looked up at him, his expression unreadable until Jensen could see the little tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. Without having to even think twice, Jared jumped up from his spot on the bed and clung to Jensen’s body, pressing his face into his neck and wrapping his arms around his waist. He was scared because these could be his last true minutes with his best friend. Jared didn’t care that he’d been breaking down a lot in the last couple of weeks; he just needed to keep the stress of holding his emotions inside off of his shoulders.

“Shh, baby,” Jensen whispered into his ear, running his hands down his back calmingly. Jensen wasn’t sure he wanted Jared to stop crying though. If he did, he would be bottling up things that shouldn’t be kept inside. “It’s alright, let it out...”

Jared didn’t stop crying either. His tears continued falling and building up on Jensen’s shirt, soaking in after a few moments and causing little patches of his tee-shirt to become wet. All of the worry he had from the last couple of days was rushing throughout his body, constructing behind his tears and making them continue for several minutes until eventually, Jensen was forced to pick him up and carry him to the bed. Jared was trembling against Jensen as his tears rushed over his cheeks, still wetting Jensen’s shirt. 

 

Jared sat up and wiped his cheeks, staring down at where Jensen had been laying with him against his chest. “You let me sleep?” Jared asked softly, his cheeks slightly sticky from all the tears he’d shed.

“Yeah, why not? You were only out about two hours anyways,” Jensen replied, setting down his cell phone and pushed Jared’s hair from his forehead. “Are you alright?”

Jared nodded slowly, his cheeks burning slightly. “Thanks, I think I needed a good nap.”

Jensen gave him a little smiled. “You know you sleep talk, right?”

“What?” Jared asked, his eyes suddenly wide.

“Yep,” Jensen confirmed. “About how much you’re going to miss seeing the imaginary cat outside your window whenever you move out and how soft he is.”

Groaning loudly, Jared fell forward and pressed his face into Jensen’s stomach. “Are you kidding me?” he mumbled.

A grin spread over Jensen’s face and he smoothed his hand through Jared’s hair. “’Fraid not, Jared. You loved that imaginary kitty so much you started petting my side while you slept, saying ‘good boy, good boy.’”

The room fell silent for a few moments until both teens burst into laughter. Jared couldn’t believe he had really dreamt of that damn cat again and was even acting out petting it while he slept. He thought those dreams were done for. Their laughing soon slowed down as Jared’s cell phone began going off. Both of them knew that it wasn’t a text message or a phone call but the alarm Jared had set a few days before; it was time to finish packing for the hospital and head to South Bend.

Jared sat up, tears collecting in his eyes already. He didn’t want to leave, he’d much rather stay at the house with his make-believe cat than go to the hospital. No one could tell him for sure what was going to happen in the place and he seriously didn’t want to go there if bad things were in store for him. Radiation and the bone marrow transplant sounded like a good idea until Jared got down to thinking about the facts; he started realizing how much could go wrong. That was bad, very bad and Jared didn’t want to go into this place without his mom and best friend.

After sitting up, Jensen patted his lap and opened his arms. Jared scrambled into Jensen’s lap, arms immediately wrapping around him and nuzzled his neck. He hid against his neck as if it would fix all of his problems, as if the world could no longer see him and no one would remember him. As if he were an ostridge hiding from its prey only Jared’s prey was the unknown. The unknown that was trying to take his life or possibly fix it. What it was, Jared didn’t know but he didn’t want to find out just yet. He needed more time to figure out what was happening between him and Jensen and to figure out his final year in high school. If this treatment went badly, he wouldn’t have much longer to live. If this treatment went badly he wouldn’t know what life outside of cancer would be like.

Jared’s tears never did start falling and he realized that when he sat up a few minutes later, grabbing his phone and realizing now his mother was calling. He didn’t want to answer but of course, he did.

“Hi, Mom,” Jared mumbled.

“Hey sweetie. Are you boys ready? I want to take you out to eat first.”

“Give me a couple of minutes and we’ll come down. Are you downstairs?”

“Not yet, unfortunately. I’m on the way though. I’ll send you a text when I pull into the driveway but I’m going to have to change my pants, some moron spilled ink on me at the office.”

Jared couldn’t help but smile at the tone in his mother’s voice; regrettably, the smile wasn’t true nor did it last long. “Alright. We’ll see you in a bit.”

After exchanging quick I love you’s, they hung up and Jared leaned his body against Jensen again. The next five hundred and four hours were going to be difficult and most definitely lonely and honestly, Jared wanted Jensen there more than his mother. Jensen knew what to say at all times and if he didn’t, he would just pull Jared into his arms and start making fun of him. It wasn’t the nicest way to cheer Jared up but it always worked. They weren’t afraid of anything they said to each other unless in some way it connected back to cancer.

“I’m scared, Jensen,” Jared said, his voice strong behind his words and his hand curling into the fabric of his boyfriend’s tee-shirt.

“You going to be alright, babe,” Jensen murmured, his fingers gently combing through Jared’s hair. “I’ll see you every chance I get; screw the hospital’s Saturday only rule.”

The dark-haired teen looked up at him, locking eyes with Jensen. “What if I’m not—?”

“Don’t even think like that. You and I both know that isn’t the way to go about things,” Jensen interrupted. “You’ll be just fine.”

Sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, Jared nodded. Jensen was right. He was going to be okay. Remission verses cancer free wasn’t a good competition but remission verses nothing was better. Jared would, as Jensen had always been saying, keep his head high and hope for the best.

“I love you, Jen,” Jared whispered, gripping his best friend’s shirt even tighter in his fingers.

Jensen cracked a little smiled and rested his hand on the base of Jared’s neck. “I love you, too.”

Closing his eyes, Jared leaned forward slowly, pressing his mouth softly against Jensen’s. Their lips met and the kiss they shared was innocent, at least for a few moments. Never before had Jared been kissed with such passion but he loved the emotion Jensen was throwing in. He hadn’t meant for the fireworks in his stomach to be exploding so quickly but there they were, going rapid like it were the Fourth of July.

Their mouths opened briefly but no tongue was involved. Jensen continued kissing Jared with as much affection as he could put forth. His hands gripped Jared’s hips, pulling him just a little closer and giving him all the love he deserved. Jared was worthy of so much more love than Jensen could give him in just a few short minutes but he would do his best to show Jared that it was all going to be alright.

Jensen’s fingers ran over Jared’s exposed hip and slowly up his side just as Jared’s cell phone began to ring with a new text message. Both sighed deeply into the kiss but parted, looking flustered.

Biting his lip and smiling, Jared grabbed his phone. “Mom’s downstairs,” he whispered, his breathing heavy.

Jensen nodded and rose to his feet. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom before we leave. I’ll meet you down there.”

Jared watched Jensen leave the room slowly and the moment he was gone, flopped back on the bed, his hand rushing to grip his chest. He couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off of his face and he couldn’t get rid of the explosions going off in his stomach. He felt like his world might not fall apart after this treatment. Whether if went wrong or right, he was still going to have Jensen and Sherri.  
* * *

 

Jared looked down at his plate of food and sighed intensely. Time was going by far too fast and he wasn’t anywhere near finished with his burger. He wished the time would just slow down a little bit and give him a couple more hours with the two people he loved the most.

Jared had exactly one hour before he was due at the hospital and that was hardly enough time for him to think anymore. All he wanted was to stay out for an extra hour, give him a few more moments to collect his thoughts and just be held by his boyfriend and mother. Was that so much to ask?

“Jared, you need to eat your dinner,” Sherri said, snapping Jared from his train of thought.

The teen said nothing and just stared at his food. He was starving but he couldn’t convince himself to eat anything. Steak ’n Shake was probably one of his favorite places to eat, other than BK Root Beer but he just couldn’t persuade his hands into picking up his dinner and eating it.

Jensen leaned over, whispering directly into his ear, “What’s wrong?”

Jared shook his head and picked up a French fry, popping it into his mouth. He didn’t want to upset anyone with not eating so he would. His mind never stopped spinning back to what he would do if this treatment didn’t go right.

Jensen watched Jared closely as he ate his dinner. He could read the worry and reluctance in Jared’s expression and it broke his heart. Jensen wanted Jared to have an open mind like he and Sherri had. Anything could happen in the next three weeks and Jensen was hoping for the best, he just wanted Jared to do the same.

Jensen set his hand on Jared’s knee, giving it a gentle squeeze and returned to eating his own meal.  
* * *

 

Jared’s arms were wrapped tightly around Jensen’s neck as they waited for the doctor to come back with the final forms for Sherri to fill out. Jared didn’t want to let go of Jensen or even sit down, so he clung to his best friend’s body, stChadng and lightly crying. Dr. Parker said there wasn’t anything to worry about but he still had that stabbing pain in his stomach that something would go wrong or at least something would happen that Jared wouldn’t approve of.

“You smell good,” Jensen whispered, his voice light.

Jared let out a little giggle, holding tighter to Jensen. “Really?”

“Mhm. I think it’s that new shampoo you have,” he replied and kissed Jared’s temple. “Yeah, definitely the shampoo.” 

Jensen was being honest when he said that Jared smelled nice but he was also trying to keep Jared’s mind off of everything else that was currently happening. Luckily, it was working.

“It’s called exotic coconut,” Jared said, another small giggle passing his lips.

That just sounded weird to Jensen and he couldn’t fight off the laugh building inside of him. “Exotic coconut?” he repeated, his laughs getting slightly loud. “What on earth could a coconut do that would be so exotic?”

Soon, Jared began laughing along with Jensen and fell into a seat, gripping his stomach. Exotic coconut did sound really funny and when Jensen put it that way, it was just hard not to laugh. Jensen sat beside Jared, laughing and both of them even forgot about where they were until Dr. Parker came back with a hospital gown in hand.

Jared’s laughter stopped immediately and he locked eyes with the ground. Time was still going too fast for his taste.

“Are you ready, Jared?” Dr. Parker asked, his voice as friendly as possible.

Jared looked up at him, his eyes wide but no tears in sight. He nodded and got up with shaky legs. He had to do this, he had to go with his doctor and get this treatment just in case it worked out in the end. It might not, that was a possibility of course but he had to at least give it try.

Jared turned to Jensen, smiling weakly and held out his hands. Jensen took them and stood up, pulling Jared into a tight embrace.

“I’ll see you in a couple of days, Jensen,” Jared whispered, hugging him tight.

“Yeah, you will,” Jensen muttered and pulled back a little, giving Jared a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll see you a-sap and I’ll fill you in on anything you miss at school.”

“Tell Chad to stop by too,” the dark-haired teen said. “I’ll miss him too.”

“I will. Maybe we’ll both stop by this weekend.”

Jared nodded and gave Jensen another sweet kiss.

“Jared, we need to get started with the minor tests,” Dr. Parker murmured. “I really do hate to rush you but we’ve got a lot to get started today.”

Sherri stepped closer to her son and his best friend, wrapping her arms around them both and kissing Jared’s head repeatedly. She wasn’t nearly as scared as she thought she would be. She assumed she would have been a shaking mess by now; Sherri was just thankful that had yet to happen.

“I love you, Jared,” she whispered and pecked the side of his head once more.

“I love you, too, Mom,” he said, giving her the best smile he could manage, considering the terms.

A few moments passed before all three let go, Sherri and Jensen stepping to one side as Jared followed the doctor down the hallway, his fingers fiddling with the chain around his neck .


	16. Going Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's starting to have withdrawls without Jared.

Jensen was going insane. It had to be it. It had been two days since he had last seen Jared and he thought he was going to die. He never thought he would be the kind of person to think that way but after failing his French quiz – which he usually ace – he knew that missing Jared was the reason. Also, after realizing he was being a teenage girl in his digital media when he didn’t pay attention to his computer at all and wrote over and over on a piece of paper Jared. Jensen hadn’t ever missed him so much in his life.

They continuously texted and the night before had even talked on the phone for a couple of minutes but it wasn’t the same as being in the same room as Jared.

Jensen looked up from his pad of paper at the clock on the wall then the empty desk beside him; five minutes until the bell rang and just under seventy-two hours until Jensen would see his best friend again. The next days were going to feel like years, especially considering the last two days already had.

Thankfully, it was almost to eighth period and soon, he would be on the phone with Jared again, hearing about his day of radiation. Jensen hoped that things had gone well like the first two days. After dropping Jared of, he heard from him around midnight, saying that tests went well and the doctors are very optimistic, which made Jensen feel wonderful and the second day they had texted a lot and Jared felt great, even after radiation. Jensen just hoped that things kept going that way.

The bell rang and Jensen nearly jumped out of his seat. The next period he already knew was going to drag on for ever but he was willing to stand through it if it meant talking to Jared in the end.  
* * *

 

Jensen opened the front door to Jared’s house and sighed deeply; he was thrilled that Sherri was letting him stay there, both to keep her company and because she knew how badly Jensen was going to miss Jared but he hated staying there at the same time. The house smelled like Jared, had photos of him along the mantel and bookshelves, walls and everywhere else imaginable. Jared was this house and it was pulling on Jensen’s heartstrings every time he saw it.

Jensen closed the door behind himself and made his way up the stairs, taking two at a time. He missed his best friend and when he did, he always went to his bedroom. His room smelled the most like him and had the most things of Jared but Jensen needed to be there to feel like he wasn’t missing something inside of him.

After taking off his shoes, he sat down on the bed and pulled out his cell phone, waiting for the afternoon text from Jared. Jensen could feel the lump rising in his throat and the little tears collecting in his eyes. There was no stopping the fourth breakdown of the week and Jensen knew that. He couldn’t hold back his emotions any more. Jared was in the hospital and he had cancer, that was a fact and Jensen just couldn’t keep going on thinking it was all a nightmare. He had for so many months just imagined that it was a bad dream or misdiagnosis. He knew now, as he sat on his best friend’s bed, staring at the empty room around him, pretending this wasn’t happening was the worst possible thing he could do.

Throwing himself back on the bed, the blonde teenager closed his eyes tightly and clenched his phone in his hand. In most cases, he wouldn’t have let this affect him in such a way, crying and just breaking down completely, he would have just let the sadness rush throughout his body, causing him to get a blank expression or to be suddenly quiet. Jensen hated crying, hated showing sad feelings at all but he had to do it. If he kept it in much longer, he might lose it around Jared again and that was most definitely not okay.

His tears fell slowly, rolling down his cheeks and off his jaw. Jensen didn’t like it but there was no more stopping of it. He hoped this would be the last time this week he let it all out, he hoped that this would stop when he saw Jared this weekend but who really knew anything for sure? Jensen let out a shaky breath and tried to control himself as he felt his phone vibrating with a new text message. Even if Jared couldn’t see him, Jensen would feel terrible for simply crying while texting to him.

‘Hi, Jen. We finished radiation for the day but I’m kind of sleepy and texting is hard to do while tired. Call me instead?’

Jensen wiped his cheeks and took in a few deep, calming breathes. If he was going to talk on the phone, he had to relax and pretend that everything was fine and even get ready a funny story from school. What happened that was funny though? Jensen had kept to himself all day, ignoring everyone but the teachers...

Jensen pressed the little green button on his phone and placed it to his ear. He’d just play things as they went. If he said something wrong, he’d pray to God that he would be able to fix it with a few carefully placed words.

“Hello?” a sleepy voice answered.

Jensen felt his heart breaking; he sounded so weak. “Hey, babe. How do you feel?”

“I am very tired but I can’t sleep for two more hours. Dumb hospital rules,” Jared grumbled. “What about you?”

Lie or not to lie? Jensen sighed deeply. “I’m fine, bored, actually,” Jensen said, forcing a happier tone.

“Oh?” Jared giggled. “Why don’t you go out or something? Mom said all you’ve been doing the last couple days is sitting in my room and doing your homework. She’s worried about you, ya know?”

“I’m fine, though. She has nothing to worry about,” Jensen replied, laying back into the pillows on the bed. He sighed a little and rolled over, breathing in Jared’s scent. He felt a little bit like a creeper but he missed Jared. If anyone else was missing their best friend due to cancer treatment, he was sure they would do it too.

They talked for what felt like hours. It was good to talk to Jared, hear him giggle and just have fun. He was so tired though sometimes, he wouldn’t understand something Jensen said and just laugh from that. It was good though, everything was. He was still as healthy as he could be, considering radiation was there to ruin his immune system.

Jared was in a great mood though, even if he couldn’t see Jensen. He was getting waited on hand and foot, the food wasn’t terrible, when he could hold it down and most of all, he had Jensen talking to him. He was content with that. Seeing the two people that meant the most to him in the world was only two days away. He would see them, hug them (and if he could sneak it, he would definitely kiss Jensen) in just two days. Time was going by so fast for him, he didn’t mind. Jared would have his boyfriend by his side in no time at all and that was what kept him going from day to day.

The dreams at night when Jared came running through the front door of his house and jumping into Jensen’s arms, hugging him and kissing him, screaming about being cancer free were getting more and more clear as the treatments went on. Jared had that growing warmth in his stomach telling him that he would eventually be free from this horrid cloud hovering above him. Soon, that deep black cloud would be blown away and his sky would be clear.

Jared could already see his world becoming a happier place, a safer place for him to live. It might have only been the third official day of treatment but he felt everything changing. Maybe his father had relayed on the message that Jared needed help.

Jared reached up and took gentle hold of his necklace between his fingers. He wasn’t allowed to wear it during treatment but the moment he got back to his room he had slipped it on again. He felt like one complete person with it on and talking to his boyfriend.

Jared stifled a yawn and smiled. “Jen, what time is it?”

“About six...” Jensen sighed deeply. “I kept you on the phone too long, didn’t I?”

“No, not at all!” Jared said quickly “But I can sleep now, before my last set of tests for the day.”

“Say no more, I’ll let you go. You’re mom just got home; she’s got Luigi’s,” Jensen said, sounding slightly happy.

“That stuff is gross. I don’t know how you two can even think about eating it,” Jared mumbled and made a fake throwing up sound. “I’ll see you bright and early Saturday morning.”

“We’ll talk again before then, right?” Jensen asked, his voice soft and almost worried.

Jared laughed sleepily. “Of course, Jen.”

Jensen breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. I... I love you.”

Jared felt his chest get warm and he rolled onto his side carefully. “I love you, too.”

Jared closed his phone and set it on the bedside table, rolling over and hugging one of Jensen’s tee-shirts to his chest. His boyfriend didn’t know he actually had that and he didn’t plan on letting him know. Jared had slipped it into his bag when Jensen wasn’t looking, hoping to get some comfort from having it in his arms while he slept. And it did help, a lot. Especially when he was to take naps between different tests. Just being able to inhale Jensen’s scent, no matter how strange it sounded, relaxed Jared’s nerves.

Jared let his eyes close slowly and he began painting a perfect picture in his mind.

It was of Jensen, his mother and himself sitting in the living room at him, talking about absolutely nothing but just having fun. Jensen was holding Jared in his arms, chin resting on his shoulder with the biggest smile on his face. Jared didn’t know why they were so happy but he had a feeling it was just being close again. Being without Jensen was the hardest thing Jared had to endure in the last couple of months so that might’ve been the true answer.

As he laid there, Jared slowly slipped into his own flawless world that he seemed to create every time he want to sleep. His wonderful world always had Gerald alive in it, always had Jensen and Sherri and sometimes Jensen’s parents but of course, the most important part of his personal universe was that he never had cancer. Never once did he get up in the middle of one of these fantasies to throw up, get medication or anything else that was negative. Jared never had bad dreams anymore. They were always positive and that was most likely the reason he had become so positive in real life.

The insight to his dreams showed him that just because real life was giving him a hard time that didn’t mean that everything in his existence was going wrong. He had a caring mother that did anything he asked, just to make him happy. He had, since school started back up, two great friends that were willing to just be there for him. And no matter where he ended up in life, no matter if the cancer killed him or not, Jared was able to look up at the sky, whether it was morning or night, and know his father was looking down upon him, wishing him the best life possible.

Everything in life was going to be difficult sometimes, there was no getting around that. Sometimes planned parts of living would become screwed up and go the opposite way of how they were wanted in the first place but if Jared just listened to his boyfriend and mother telling him they would eventually brighten up in the end, there was no telling how great his world would turn out in the end.

Jared fell asleep, just a short nap with a smile hugging his lips, his heart pounding to a new rhythm. A rhythm that was beating just to give him a new confidence, a new outlook on every single detail of his life. Cancer wasn’t going to ruin him that was for sure. The moment he stepped out of those hospital doors in just a few weeks time he would have a new prospective and he able to say that he’s done everything in his power to become the most optimistic person he could possibly be.

Jensen would be proud of Jared’s new way of thinking .


	17. Im Going To Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen finally gets to see Jared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the wonderful support! Im so glad everyone's liking this story, its really close to my heart.

“We’re able to go to the hospital tonight around eight,” Sherri said, grabbing her bag from the table. “Jared wants Chad there too and I don’t have his phone number anymore. Could you—”

Jensen raised his hand, laughing softly. “I’ve got it, Mom.” He paused, giving her the mug of coffee she’d been looking for. “Jared’s fine, you know. I talked to him not even twenty minutes ago.”

“I know, Jensen but he’s my baby, my only kid... I can’t help but freak out.” She took a sip of her coffee and sighed. “I can’t lose the last part of my family. I don’t know what I would do...”

Jensen walked over to her and kissed her head, causing her to blush faintly but not wiping the frown from her face. “I know Jared doesn’t want you freaking out like this. He said he’s holding food down, sleeping regularly and even able to walk around his room a little bit. Oh, that reminds me, he’s going to call you at about seven, before he goes into the last treatment for the week.”

“He’s going to be alright, right?” Sherri asked, looking up into Jensen’s eyes.

“Of course,” Jensen grinned.

Sherri’s shoulders sagged in relief and a very tiny smile appeared on her face. “I’m glad he’s got you and I’ve got you. It’s good to have someone else in the house.”

“I like being here,” Jensen murmured and picked up his backpack from the chair in front of him. “I’ll see you tonight. Should Chad just come home with me?”

Sherri nodded. “Yep, we’ll head to dinner before we go to the hospital. Make sure he tells his parents he’ll be staying the night too. Since Jared is only a week in, we’re able to stay past visiting hours.”

The blonde teen seemed to beam at her words and quickly left the house for school.

Sherri sighed deeply and closed her eyes tightly and rubbed at the worry lines forming on her forehead. Tonight was going to be hard for her. She had to stay strong in front of her son and not lose it but after so many days of not seeing him, she was worried that she might lose it anyway. He was her last immediate family member and if this treatment didn’t save him, she had no idea how she would function anymore.

 

Sherri glanced at her phone for at least the fifth time in the last twenty minutes and sighed deeply. Jared still had yet to call but it was only seven-thirty and yet, she couldn’t get rid of the feeling that something had gone wrong...

She nearly jumped from her chair when her cell phone did begin to ring.

“Hello?” Sherri answered quickly, not looking at the caller ID.

“Hi, Mom,” Jared replied, his voice soft from obviously just waking up. “You’re coming by tonight, right?”

Sherri felt her heart being pulled on but there was no fighting a smile at how cute her son sounded when he was tired. “Yes. Jensen, Chad and I are stopping by and we don’t even have to leave tonight. We’ll be there until you get sick of us tomorrow.”

Jared laughed quietly. “It looks like you’ll never leave then ‘cause I miss you a lot,” Jared mumbled, struggling to hide a yawn.

Sherri’s smile got brighter then; her son missed her. She had been so fearful that he was too caught up in treatments that he hadn’t had time to miss anyone but Jensen. And although she loved Jensen as her own child, sometimes it hurt to see just how much more in connection he was with Jared. It nearly killed Sherri when two summers before, after coming from a small treatment without Jensen, Jared instantly asked for him, demanding to see his best friend before anyone else. Jared apologized after he realized what he was saying but it didn’t change the fact that Sherri felt like second best to her son’s boyfriend.

She was happy for them though. She always had a feeling that they would evolve into something just a little more than friends. It was nearly obvious with some of the looks they gave one another so it had always just been a matter of time before it was realized.

The phone conversation with Jared didn’t last long but it was nice to hear from him again after nothing from the day prior. Sherri was immensely thrilled to hear that Jared was still rather healthy.  
* * *

 

“Chad!” Jensen called down the hallway, jogging to catch up with is friend. “Hey. We’re going to see Jared tonight and he wants you to come too.”

The blond smiled at him. “He wants me there?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t he?” Jensen asked, a grin of his own face.

Chad shrugged his shoulders, saying he didn’t know but really, he was surprised because he didn’t think that Jared would want any time around him at all since he was cancer free. He assumed that Jared would be a jealous fool and just ignore him. Chad was most definitely pleased to find out otherwise though. He loved hanging around Jared and Jensen, even if they got couple-y on him. It didn’t matter because they were such good friends of his.

“I’m thinking of heading out to get some lunch, do you want to come with me or I can bring you something?” Chad murmured, looking up at Jensen from the corner of his eye.

“I’ll go with you. Jared might have a free minute and be able to call or something. He told me this morning that he deleted your number by mistake, thinking it was someone else and wants to talk to you.”

Chad smiled even wider than before; he was so happy that Jared wasn’t jealous or envious and now he got to have some time with Jensen too. It had been a very long time since he had just hung out with Jensen and who knew? Maybe they could have a lot of fun without dwelling on Jared’s sickness. Then again, that seemed kind of impossible.

 

Jensen bit his bottom lip, trying his hardest to keep his cackles from getting too loud but it didn’t happen. The expression on Chad face when he realized he had gotten ketchup all over his jeans was priceless.

“Shut up! I blame you!” Chad whined, trying to his hardest to get the red spot out of his pants.

“I’m sorry but your face is great right now,” the blonde teen managed out between laughs.

“I can leave without you, ya know. I’m not afraid to leave your ass here,” Chad snapped.

Jensen shook his head, his laughs dying out but his grin not leaving. “Oh come on. It’s just ketchup. I’ve gotten worst things out of clothing before, trust me.”

The blond covered his mouth with his hand, ignoring the stain on his jeans and muffling his giggles. Jensen’s comment sounded just wrong and soon, Jensen caught on to what Chad was thinking and began laughing along with him, not caring who was staring at them for being so loud.

It was the first time in a couple of days Jensen had been able to laugh like that, not having it forced or in a nervous way. He was glad to be in such a positive mood and being able to have a good time with one of his friends was just an upside to everything. Hopefully, he would be able to have a good time with Jared that night.

Maybe they wouldn’t have to think about Jared’s sickness for the time being.  
* * *

 

The rest of the school day flew by for Jensen and Chad. They went through their classes, grins on their faces until eighth period when they realized where they were heading after the day was done. It was going to be a difficult afternoon but they stayed optimistic and prayed that seeing Jared wouldn’t be too tough on them or Sherri.

After Sherri came home from work, they all ate dinner in the car on the way to the hospital. None of them wanted to miss a second of time that they were going to be able to spend with Jared. Sherri had gone into Jared’s room first and as soon as she came out, Chad went in while she flew down to the cafeteria to find something for Jared to munch on.

Jensen sat outside of the room, waiting and counting the number of tiles in front of him. He’d gotten to about fifteen when he gave up and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes with his head leaned back. He was nervous for the first time that day. He didn’t know what he expected to be in that room and he didn’t know if he actually wanted to go find out. It was Jared, yes, it was his boyfriend, yes but was he healthy and up for all the things he used to do? Was he going to be able to even touch Jared? Jensen wanted to hold him and kiss him and just be near him but he wasn’t sure if he was even allowed. If a nurse didn’t follow him into the room, he was most definitely going to do it anyway. He wanted to be as close to Jared as he could be, in case they weren’t allowed to stop by the next weekend.

The biggest worry on Jensen’s mind at the moment, over not seeing or touching Jared was that he might lose the shell he had created around himself and his emotions when in the same room as Jared. He was praying that he didn’t, that the shell stayed uncracked and in perfect condition but if he did let part of it get chipped in there and did shed a few tears, what was Jared going to say or do?

All he could do though, if he started to get ‘chocked up’ he would just close his eyes tight and remember, Jared was still fighting this thing.

“Jensen, you can go in now,” Chad said, sitting beside him. “He’s actually doing really well.”

Jensen got to his feet and gave Chad a small smile before disappearing into Jared’s room, closing the door behind him. Jared was sitting up in the bed, brushing his hair with a magazine in his lap. He looked rather healthy, maybe a bit more pale but he didn’t look that bad at all.

“I’m happy you don’t have to wear the mask and gloves and crap this week, it would have made me feel like some kind of alien that’s being dissected,” Jared murmured, pulling the brush through his hair and pushing the magazine onto the little cart beside his bed. “Sit by me, Jen.”

The coiffed haired boy did as told, carefully taking a seat right next to Jared. “How do you feel?”

“Not bad,” Jared replied with a little shrug of his shoulders. “My hair keeps falling out though,” he pouted and showed his best friend the clump of hair that had come out in his brush.

Jensen gave him a sad smile and squeezed his knee.

“You’ll still love me when I’m bald, right?”

“Most definitely,” Jensen grinned and moved just a fraction of an inch closer to him.

Jared then went into detail about his treatments so far but Jensen couldn’t focus too much on his words. Jared was talking slower than normal, taking his time with each placement of words and it was strange how he continued to repeated a sentence twice at some points before moving on to another part of the day. Jensen knew it was most likely just exhaustion but it didn’t change the fact that he was insanely worried for his best friend.

Jared didn’t stop talking as Jensen sat directly beside him and pulled him into his arms, rubbing his upper arm gently. He felt all fears from when he’d just been sitting in the hallway disappearing as he held Jared close to his chest and let him talk as much as he wanted. It was just wonderful to hear him so happy, so pleased with how everything from the week seemed to be going.

After some time, Jared looked up at Jensen, his eyes wide and his bottom lip pouting out just a bit. “No one’s around and I brushed my teeth today,” he whispered and began to move a little closer to Jensen. “Just one?”

He was risking a lot kissing Jared while he was in the middle of a treatment that was killing his immune system but he really wanted to feel those soft pink lips against his own again. Pushing the nagging pulling in his stomach further down, Jensen pressed his mouth tenderly against Jared’s, feeling the same fire he always did when sharing simple kisses with him.

Jared gripped Jensen’s tee-shirt, his fingers pulling at the fabric as their lips moved together in the most innocent ways possible. Jensen wasn’t the only one that had missed being close and kissing. Jared slowly pulled back though, his cheeks deeply colored.

“I’m not supposed to get my heart rate up...” he whispered, looking down and licking his lips; they tasted like Jensen...

Jensen pulled him into his lap very gently and kissed the side of his head. “It’s okay, Jared,” he whispered back. “Why don’t you try sleeping a little? I can tell you’re tired.”

“I think you’re right but can you stay here while I sleep?” Jared looked up at Jensen with those same childlike eyes and the little pout on his face.

“I’ll stay until they force me to leave,” Jensen replied, tucking Jared’s head beneath his chin and holding him close.

Jared cuddled down against him, holding him tightly and breathing in his natural aroma. “Oh, Jen?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t worry about anything,” he murmured. “I’m going to live.”

Jensen smiled, his heart pounding at the sound of his best friend’s words. Jared finally believed what he had and now he had a reason to keep believing it. Jared was going to live, he was going to beat this monster that wanted his life and he was going to be just fine.

Jensen buried his nose in Jared’s hair and let a shaky breath out before uttering a soft I love you to him, not really minding if he didn’t hear. He was just proud of Jared for changing his point of view so quickly .


	18. After Surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared gets his bone marrow transplant, and makes a choice.

Jensen had found a seat, not a comfortable one but a seat in the waiting room and was going to sit there all afternoon. He wasn’t allowed to see Jared because it was a Thursday and it was a testing day but because this was the big test, the test that would tell them everything, he wasn’t going to be sitting at school all day. If he’d stayed at school, he would have ended up ditching by third period and missing a full day was better than a Friday afternoon detention.

And a few hours ago, Jensen had found out he was sitting in the waiting room Jared would be wheeled right past on his way to his bone marrow transplant so there was no way he was moving a single inch. He’d already been sitting two hours, how every many more added onto that he would withstand for his best friend. Jensen would endure weeks if it meant being there for Jared when he got out of his operation.

So far it was only ten and Jensen’s mind was still, for the most part, blank. He wanted to think about the what if’s that seemed to love playing in his head but he couldn’t even concentrate on that. He kept looking at the floor tiles and counting as many little black dots as he could until someone would walk by and he’d lose count. It’d been doing that since he had come in with Sherri and sat down. She was allowed to see Jared because it was Jared’s mother... Jensen had to respect that though. She gave Jared life, she had the right to see him. He was just the best friend, just the boyfriend. He didn’t mean nearly as much as Sherri and even if Jared were to say he meant more, he wouldn’t believe it; Sherri was more important, end of thought process.

Time went by faster than Jensen had expected and by the time he pulled his cell phone out to see why his stomach was growling, he saw it was already noon. ‘How had those last two hours gone by so quickly?’ he wondered. Quite honestly, he was starving but there was no way he’d get up now and miss his only chance of telling Jared he’d be waiting in the same place when he got out and how much he missed and loved him. No. Jensen wouldn’t let that happen.

Sherri walked by, mumbling something about going to grab some Wendy’s from the cafeteria for them but Jensen didn’t reply, he just nodded his head and looked at her helplessly. She gave him back a sad smile as she walked away. Sherri knew that Jensen only wanted to see Jared for ten seconds, just long enough to tell him and show him he was there, waiting.

He realized he was concentrating on things again. That was good but he hated that word so much; waiting not concentrating. Waiting. Who came up with that anyway? Why had someone been so evil to create the one thing in the world that ended up making so many people go completely insane from having to wait too much? Jensen didn’t want to wait, he didn’t want to sit on his butt while Jared was poked and prodded, being prepared for this operation. He wanted to be in there, with the stupid gloves and gown like any other day, holding his hand and telling him how Chad had become so damn clumsy in the last two, almost three weeks.

Jensen let out a frustrated sigh and someone beside him gave him a warming smile and patted his knee; sweet old lady. She probably was in for worse things. He returned the smile and locked eyes with the ground once more. He started thinking, what was Jared feeling right then...?  
* * *

 

Jared laid still on his back, eyes glued to the ceiling. He didn’t want to be here, with people walking around completely covered. Now he really felt like an alien about to go under the knife and the worst part was how badly his head and stomach hurt at that moment. There were only three people in the world that could make him feel better, two of which, he couldn’t see and the third wouldn’t stay in the room long enough to hold his hand.

He expected Sherri to be leaving the room to cry but he wished she would stay in the room longer than ten minutes to make him feel a little better and like he wasn’t completely alone. His dad would have made everything better. Gerald would have been sitting by his side, holding his hand and telling him all about the adventures he went on before Sherri got pregnant. Most of them were made up and most of them were stupid but they always cheered Jared up, always made him smile. Gerald would have made Jared forget where he was for at least an hour and made him feel like he was an actual person again. Jared sighed, fighting tears; he missed Gerald...

Jensen, the third person that could make him feel better. Jensen was just outside of his room, down the hall a little ways. Jensen was one of the only people that he knew that didn’t have to say a single word to make him feel better. If Jensen was just in his room, his strong arms wrapped around his waist while he slept against his chest, he’d be more than happy. He’d be thrilled to have Jensen standing at the door, looking in at him and grinning like the moron he was sometimes. Jared cracked a little smile. Jensen was a moron sometimes.

He reached over to the bedside table and picked up his cell phone, happy they had yet to take it. He thought that Jensen might be sick of getting texts like what he was about to say but he had to, had to tell Jensen what was on his mind and make sure that his best friend understood that this was all going to turn out in the best way possible.  
* * *

 

Jensen looked down at his cell phone and smiled just a little. It was a message from Jared.

**I just want you to know that I’m doing alright and that mom and the doctors are taking good care of me. I KNOW thing's will be okay. So that means NO WORRYING JEN!**

Then a second message came through.

**Also, I love you. (: I’m going to be done with this operation in no time and I’ll be home with you and mom and we'll have a big pizza party with pizza from luigis**

and the last part. Jensen smiled a little bigger; Jared had enough energy to text still and that warmed his heart just a bit.

**Even if that pizza is really gross, I’ll eat it for you and mom! (: okay. they’re about to roll me out. mom said I’d see you? keep an eye out for me!**

Jensen instantly shoved his phone back into his pocket and look all around him. His heart nearly sank into his stomach when he saw Jared’s bed being pushed down the hallway, all of his IVs following closely. He hated how sick Jared looked but he would get better soon. Jared was fighting so hard it would be impossible for him not to get better.

Jensen jumped to his feet just as Jared was moving past him. “I love you, Jared,” he said, just loud enough for Jared to hear.

“I love you,” Jared said softly, his voice scratchy.

And with those three words, Jared went through the authorized only doors to another part of the hospital. Jensen was alone again and Jared was off for his operation. Jared had to be strong, he had to fight through this thing and live in the end. He’d come so far, it would be torture if he didn’t make it out in the end.

 

Sherri had fallen asleep against Jensen’s shoulder about an hour ago and he was too nice to wake her up when Dr. Parker came out, a soft smile on his face. He had been the man to perform Jared’s surgery and if he was smiling now, that had to mean good things, right? Jensen hoped so badly that his grin meant good things. No, great things, fantastic things if possible.

Jensen had to wake Sherri as the doctor walked their way. He nudged her a little and she immediately jumped awake. She looked around and her shoulders fell when she saw the doctor coming at them. She didn’t see the smile the way that Jensen had.

Both rose to their feet as the doctor stopped before them. “Well,” he began. “Things went beautifully. He’s in recovery right now and you should be able to see him Tomorrow afternoon but you won’t be allowed back into his isolated room for a few more days. He’ll be able to speak through the door though.”

Sherri leaned her forehead against Jensen’s arm, happy tears slipping from her eyes. “Thank you, Dr. Parker.”

“It’s my job, ma’am and I’m more than happy to get him back to perfect health,” Dr. Parker smiled and squeezed her arm tenderly. “Oh, one thing.”

Sherri looked up at him, Jensen already staring at him, his heart thud-thud-thudding in his chest; something had gone wrong?

“We were pushing his hair back, getting it out of the way when he saw how much kept falling out. He agreed to let us shave his head while he was asleep,” he paused and wrote something down on a pad of paper. “We always recommend a wig shop located in La Porte, just in case.”

“Thank you, sir,” Jensen said, taking the paper and pushing it into his pocket as he held Sherri in his arms, holding her as she cried happy tears into his shirt. They were both happy; Jared was going to be fine and able to talk with them Tomorrow afternoon. Jensen bit into his bottom lip, keeping his own tears from falling; Jared was gonna be okay... It wasn’t for sure that he’d be all better but if Jared was able to talk, the world would continue to go round.  
* * *

 

A ringing bell and chirping birds were the last thing Jensen wanted to hear the following morning but he had to do this, as the doctor had said, just in case. He decided late the night before, after going home for a shower and a change of clothing that he would stop by La Porte’s wig shop before heading back to the hospital around lunch time. Jared had always been so attached to his hair and if Jensen knew his best friend, Jared wouldn’t step foot back into their high school without hair atop his head.

Jared had always loved his long tousled chestnut hair and Jensen hoped to find him just that. He started toward the front but after seeing only purple and pink wigs that reminded him of that famous guy that he could have sworn was a girl, he decided to move a little further back into the real looking hair. He saw blond wigs with brown highlights and black wigs but not any that matched Jared’s. He sighed heavily and kept looking. Jared might have gone back with just a baseball cap but Jensen wouldn’t risk the other kids, who still yet to know about his cancer, tease him for being bald. Kids at school were horrible and Jensen knew they’d poke fun at him.

Jensen stopped dead in his tracks, a smile spreading over his face. He’d found the perfect wig, as if it were made specifically for Jared. The hair color was just like Jared’s if not a little lighter and the cut to the hair was just the same, if not a little longer. It was absolutely perfect. Jensen picked it and the mannequin head up, letting out a breath of relief at the price; $55. That was most definitely doable.

Jensen walked to the counter and set it down, not caring for the funny looks he was getting.

“For the girlfriend?” the woman behind the counter ask, eyeing him up and down.

“Boyfriend, actually,” Jensen murmured, pulling his wallet out. Should he add that he had cancer? No. That wasn’t their business and he didn’t need or want pity.

The woman kept her mouth shut as she rang up the price and took Jensen’s money. “Have a good day,” she said through tight lips.

Jensen picked up his purchase and nearly ran from the wig shop. Hopefully this made Jared at least crack a grin when he saw him in a few days .


	19. After Surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's done with his surgery and his ready for his family to go home.

Jensen smiled at Jared, carefully combing his fingers through the wig he had just shown him and placing it back in a safe place. Jared had loved it but he was far too tired to show too much enthusiasm. Jensen understood and was grateful that Jared hadn’t taken seeing the wig the wrong way. Jared had thrilled that he didn’t have to go back to school being bald.

Jensen gently took hold of Jared’s hand and kissed the back of it. They’d been talking all afternoon, getting Jared caught up on homework and preparing for tests he would be taking in following week when he returned to school. They were both nervous that Jared was going to still be too far behind to understand but were being optimistic about the whole thing.

“Mom,” Jared whispered, glancing over at her with a sleepy smile. “Could you get me some soup or Wendy’s...?”

“I’ll get you soup and some fries, see if you can hold that down and we’ll talk about a Frostie,” she winked and kissed his forehead. “I’m so happy you’re feeling better sweetie.” Sherri smiled very small and walked slowly out of the room.

Jared looked at Jensen and weakly squeezed his hand. “I asked Dr. Parker,” he murmured. “I’m allowed to kiss you again.” Grinning sleepily, Jared sat up and leaned toward Jensen. “I’ve got a good, stable immune system again and I leave next Friday...”

Jensen put his hand on Jared’s cheek and gave him a subtle smirk. Their relationship was far from just for the kisses but considering it had been nearly a month since the last they shared, it was beginning to feel like they’d never be as close as they’d built everything up to be in weeks before the operation. Both of them were just simply happy to see that they were still close and it wasn’t going to stop just because of Jared’s illness.

Eyelids fell closed, hands moved together and breathing got fast. Jared always got lightheaded in the moment of kissing his best friend but right now he felt more so than normal. He felt good but so nervous that Jensen would realize, after having their kissing for a while the not, that he didn’t want this. Could someone forget how to kiss? Jared almost laughed at the thought but he couldn’t, Jensen’s mouth was pressed against his, knocking the wind out of him and catching his breath in his mouth.

It was just like the first kiss they shared without being awkward when their noses bumped. Jared never thought simple touching of lips would feel so good to have again. He’d been without kissing since he was fourteen and now, suddenly, all he wanted other than his best friend was to feel his lips against his own. It was the best feeling in the world after so much treatment that involved painful things. Now he had his boyfriend back and could be just as things were before. Maybe with more kissing and less feeling nervous around him though.

“I’m glad kissing you isn’t embarrassing,” Jensen murmured against Jared’s lips.

Jared laughed softly, molding his mouth against Jensen’s once more. “It was the first time,” he whispered. “I thought the worst things after that first one.”

Jensen ran his hand down from Jared’s cheek, over his arm and took hold of his hand. “I wasn’t going to just stop being your friend, ya know. I was confused and worried.”

Jared nodded and looked into Jensen’s eyes. “I know that now,” he replied softly, sounding very tired. “Let’s talk about this later though. I need to get a nap.”

Nodding slowly, Jensen sat back in his chair as Jared lay down further beneath the covers, snuggling up with a pillow against his chest.

“Why don’t you nap with me, Jen? I can see that you’re tired...”

Jensen thought for a moment then realized that he missed sleeping beside Jared’s warmth and quickly climbed into the bed beside him, careful not to hurt Jared, of course. He wound his arms tightly around his best friend’s stomach, smiling wide as he kissed behind his ear. “Sleep tight, babe,” Jensen said softly.

Jared laughed softly and flipped over slowly, nuzzling his chest and holding him tight. “You too.”

Jensen grinned, holding Jared tightly in his arms and soon, falling asleep to dreams of a healthy, cancer free best friend.  
* * *

 

More than being cancer free, more than being out of the hospital, more than anything that Jared could think of, he just wanted his mother to finally stop being so scared to live her own life and have some fun. Sherri was always at his side when she got off from work until she had to go home for at the very least a few hours of sleep and a shower. Jared knew his mom just cared for him and that she was looking out for his health but he wanted her to be happy. He was living his with Jensen, why couldn’t she find another nice man and have some fun?

“You can go home, Mom,” Jared said, popping another French fry into his mouth. “I’ll be okay with Jensen.”

She shook her head slowly, touching Jared’s very short blond hairs. “I’d much rather be here when the doctor gives you the latest update.”

Biting his bottom lip, Jared sat all the way up and looked into Sherri’s eyes. “I know you love and care for me and really want me healthy and happy but do you know what would make me happy, Mom?”

Sherri raised a curious eyebrow. “What, sweetie?”

Jared sighed, hoping that she didn’t take this the wrong way. “That you would go have some fun sometime. I’ve been here for almost an entire month and though I love you, I want you to be social with more than Dr. Parker, Jensen and me...”

He hated saying it, he hated that he sounded like he only wanted Jensen all the time. Jared sort of hated himself for even thinking like this but he had to or it would keep tearing at him on the inside. If Sherri wasn’t one hundred percent content with her life, he would constantly feel bad.

Sherri looked completely crushed and confused. Her son really felt that way? How had she been so blind to it? Of course he wanted her to go out, Jared wanted time with Jensen. She sighed deeply and patted the back of Jared’s hand.

“I’ll leave in a little bit,” she murmured and looked down.

Jared leaned forward, kissing her cheek. “Take Jensen with you,” he mumbled quickly. “I need sleep and he keeps pushing my math homework on me when you aren’t looking.”

Sherri frowned a little and looked into his eyes. “Don’t you want more time with him?”

Jared pursed his lips a tad and cocked his head to the side. “I want more time with both of you but I need some sleep. I haven’t been getting much lately and I finally have a full day away from tests tomorrow. I’m allowed to sleep all day if I wanna.” Jared shrugged his shoulders. “And I’d rather you two spend time with someone that isn’t in a hospital bed. This room is getting annoying to me; it’s probably annoying you as well.”

Sighing in relief, Sherri kissed her son’s forehead. “You aren’t just kicking me out then?”

“Of course not!” Jared giggled, his cheeks turning bright red. “I’m kicking you both out to be social.”

Jensen gave Jared a small pout. “I don’t want to leave...”

Jared stuck his tongue out at his best friend and glanced at Sherri. She simply raised her hands and gave him a playful look. “I’m not calling the shots here,” she said softly and got up. “You two argue it out while I go find Dr. Parker.”

Sherri left the room quickly, allowed Jared and Jensen to talk in peace.

Jared felt silly that he’d lied to his mother about wanting Jensen to leave. She would have understood that he wanted to just have some boy time with his best friend, right? Talk about the things they used to talk about and just be best friends without having to cover up what they said because someone else was in the room. Jared didn’t know that Sherri had actually been hurt when he asked her to leave though.

“Let me stay, Jared,” Jensen murmured, leaning forward and snatching one of his fries. “I’ll sit in the corner and leave your math alone, I promise.”

“I want you to, Jen,” Jared giggled and smacked the side of his head. “And there’s no way you’re sitting in the corner. You’re gonna sit right here,” Jared patted the bed beside him, moving his food mess onto the bedside table.

Jensen smirked and plopped on the bed beside his boyfriend, opening his arms for Jared to fall against him and close his eyes. And Jared did just that, pressing his face into Jensen’s chest and inhaling deeply.

“What am I going to get you for your birthday?” Jared mumbled, breathing his boyfriend’s scent once more. “You’ll be eighteen in about three weeks.”

“I don’t really want anything,” Jensen replied softly, rubbing Jared’s lower back. “I never do, you should know that by now.”

Grinning a little, Jared looked up at him. “How long have we been friends?”

The blonde teen looked thoughtful for a few moments. He had been friends with Jared for so many years, he wasn’t sure he could pick a definite number. They’d started preschool together and had been friends even before that. What age would they have been...?

“Since we were four, I think,” Jensen replied after a couple of minutes. 

“God. Fourteen years? No wonder I’m sick of you,” Jared joked. “I’m kidding. I can’t get sick of you. I love you too much.”

Jensen grinned, his cheeks turning a soft shade of pink. “I love you, too.”

Jared let out a sleepy laugh. “Can I sleep again? I’m exhausted...”

Jensen smoothed his hands down Jared’s back and pulled the blanket up high on his shoulders. “You don’t need to ask, just get some sleep.”

Wrapping his arms tighter around Jensen’s waist, Jared glanced up at him with half closed eyes and a small, tired smile on his face. “I’m happy you’re mine,” he whispered softly before kisses his jaw and pressing his head back against his chest, eyes falling closed the rest of the way and a very cute yawn slipping through his lips.

I’m happy you’re mine... Jensen grinned as the words raced through his mind, repeating over and over again until he wouldn’t ever forget them. Jared liked that they were together and was happy Jensen was his. That made Jensen’s heart beat fast; his body turn to mush and he just wanted to hold Jared for the rest of his life. Jared was happy with him.

“I’m happy you’re mine, babe,” Jensen murmured, kissing the top of his best friend’s head.

He was telling the truth too. Jared could tell even in his sleepy state. They were alright and even if Jared didn’t get healthy and cancer free from this operation, they had each other until the day Jared would be gone. Even then, without Jared on planet earth, they would still be together. Jensen wouldn’t move on and Jared wouldn’t. They were made for each other and would always be together, no matter what anyone else said .


	20. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared finally gets to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw i realize some of you might be confused when i call Alex Gus I haven't mentioned it in the story but thats Jared's nickname for him.

Jared held Sherri’s hand tightly and walked up the front steps of the house. He was thrilled to be home, to be away from the sickening halls of the hospital and best of all, his most recent rude nurse. He was home with his mom and there was BK root beer and food waiting inside with his cousin Alex. He was excited.

Jensen was at home, unfortunately but he had to go with his parents to dinner with some of his other family so Jared understood. Jensen would be over Tomorrow and then he would have his loved ones all around him. Jared smiled to himself and touched his necklace; Gerald still hadn’t left his side.

“It’s strange wearing a wig,” Jared murmured as he walked through the front door, being greeted by the wonderful smell that was home.

“But at least your head isn’t cold,” Alex pointed out, walking in from the kitchen.

No matter how many times Jared saw his cousin over the last few weeks he was still thrilled to see him again. Jared ran across the little space between them and gave him a big hug, squeezing him as tightly as he could. Alex let out a soft, breathless chuckle and patted Jared on the lower back. A lot of the time, when Jared was a really little kid, it was him, Jensen and Alex. They did nearly everything together in preschool and kindergarten until Alex moved up north more. That had been hard for Jared but now he had him back, for the most part at least.

“I missed you, Gus,” he whispered and smiled at him as he pulled away.

The blond laughed quietly and pulled Jared into the kitchen. “It’s only been a few days,” he pointed out and sat at the kitchen table. “You’re lucky I was able to get this. They were about to close for the day in fear of a huge rain storm.”

Jared gave his cousin a peck on the cheek and plopped down beside him. “Thanks,” he said before shoving a French fry into his mouth.  
* * *

 

Jared stared up at the ceiling in his room, sighing every few minutes. He was still happy to be home but now he was alone and Sherri had expected him to be asleep. He wasn’t though. After Alex had gone back home a couple of hours ago, when Sherri had headed off to bed and Jensen hadn’t returned Jared’s text messages, Jared wasn’t able to sleep. Alex had given him another hug, a kiss on the cheek and the best wishes for sleep but he couldn’t sleep without the sound of someone’s breathing beside him and Jensen was nowhere to be found...

He wanted Jensen, at the very least a text message from him but nothing at all. He constantly checked his phone, every couple of minutes he would go all the way to his outbox to see if his last message had even sent and always, it had. Jared wanted Jensen to just text him a little smile, like they always did when they weren’t able to give full messages. It was just past midnight and Jared’s last text had been sent at four that afternoon. Where was Jensen?

Jared didn’t want to think in the worst scenarios but of course, it was the only thing his mind was picking up on. Jensen had gone to Peru, Indiana for the dinner and a couple of hours with his other family but that was only about an hour and a half away. Plus, Jensen’s entire family understood that he had to be able to check his phone at all times, in case Jared needed him for something.

It had been eight hours and every single time Jared called Jensen’s phone, it went to voicemail after four rings. It broke Jared’s heart when he heard Jensen’s voicemail saying he couldn’t come to the phone. Since when wasn’t Jensen there for him? Jared rolled over, flipping his cell phone open and quickly hitting the right shortcut key to go to his outbox. He scrolled to his last text to Jensen and picked the message status option to see that it had been sent at 4:27pm and resent at 9:44pm...

Jared threw his phone across the room and got up from his bed, walking quickly to his window and taking a seat in the bench then pulling a blanket over his body. Stupid Jensen and his stupid cell phone. Jared just wanted to tell him he was home and wanted to show him that the last shot from that day hadn’t given him a bruise. He was sore but there was no little purple part on his body. None whatsoever.

“Stupid,” Jared mumbled and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the window and sighing as the cool glass came into contact with his skin.

He was hot and cold at the same time but other than that, he physically felt okay. He was finally able to hold down solid food, use the restroom a normal amount of times in a day and hadn’t thrown up in nearly two weeks. Personally, Jared thought everything was going one hundred percent smoothly. It was rather thrilling, actually.

He sighed and looked over his shoulder, glancing at his alarm clock. It was already one in the morning and there was still no sign of Jensen texting or calling him. Jared bit his bottom lip and turned to look back out the front window, locking his eyes down the street toward his best friend’s house. He just wanted a fast hug so he could sleep. Was that so much to want from someone you call your boyfriend?

Knowing that he was probably overreacting and being an incredibly annoying person, Jared closed his eyes and wrapped the blanket tighter around his arms, falling asleep to the thoughts of Jensen holding him as he slept.

 

Feeling two strong hands on his sides, Jared groaned and turned toward whoever was touching him, putting his arms around the person’s neck and gasping when he felt calloused hands. His eyes snapped open quickly, adjusting to the darkness surrounding him and he grinned; it was his Jensen.

“I’m sorry I never replied or anything,” he whispered, picking Jared and his blanket up carefully before laying him on the bed and crawling up beside him. “We were having a big family thing and my grandma took my phone away so I’d be social with everyone and it died before I could reply to you.”

Jared felt a sudden wave of guilt rushing through his body and he bit his bottom lip. He had jumped to conclusions before, expecting Jensen to be ignoring him and not wanting anything to do with him when really; he had tried to get a hold of him...

“Its okay, Jensen,” Jared whispered. “You’re here now.”

Jensen smiled and pulled the comforter over them with ease, wrapping his arms even tighter around Jared. “I tried calling you on the way home, from my mom’s phone but you didn’t answer. We left about one though so I guess you were asleep...”

Jared sighed and nodded. “And I’d thrown my phone across the room. It could be broken...”

Jensen’s brows creased in the middle as he searched Jared’s face in the dark. “Why’d you throw it?”

Staying silent, Jared closed his eyes and pressed his face against Jensen’s shoulder, suddenly completely ashamed of himself. He was dumb earlier for the way he had acted. Jensen was his best friend before anything else and didn’t have to talk to him at all times of the day. He was stupid for even thinking like that.

“I was just being dumb,” Jared replied softly.

Jensen didn’t understand but after a very long day with his family, he wasn’t sure he really had enough energy to get the truth out of Jared. He was tired, sore and in need of just keeping his best friend in his arms that would make everything alright in his mind. Not to mention Jared was actually home and caught up in all of his classes.

“I’m not going to argue with you right now,” Jensen whispered directly into his ear. “Get some sleep and we’ll talk about whatever was bugging you in the morning, okay?”

Jared didn’t respond though, he simply turned his head a little bit, moving his leg to slipping between Jensen’s and inhaling deeply, a soft smile painting across his lips. Jensen wasn’t sure what that meant either but he did know that Jared looked absolutely stunning in the moment. The moonlight trickling in from the drawn curtains on the bay window, the innocent grin upon his perfectly pink lips... Jensen sighed with a happy undertone and pressed his lips gently to Jared’s forehead; this was one of the only reasons he lived anymore.  
* * *

 

Jensen ran his hands down Jared’s back smiling softly and just feeling like a whole person once again. It didn’t matter that they’d been friends for the last fourteen years or that they had gotten sick of each other from time to time in the last three, they were still best friend and Jensen always felt better after being away for a day then being able to be as close to Jared as possible.

His mother had told him a few times that being close to someone, loving someone or just enjoying their company was the greatest gift to ever be given and he was lucky to have a best friend like Jared. Jared always liked having Jensen around, even if they’d just had a fight, Jared couldn’t – or maybe wouldn’t – be without Jensen for longer than a couple of hours. Jensen meant far too much to Jared to have to waste any time lacking his presence.

Jensen felt the very same way too. He knew that, even if he just wanted to be alone, he would be able to do that at Jared’s house, in Jared’s room with Jared not far from his side. Even before Jared had gotten cancer he knew that. He knew that whether Jared was happy and healthy or happy and sick, his life was more pleasant with him in the room. His life felt like it had meaning with Jared and around.

He said it to himself a couple of times now, he’d thought about it and he had promised himself he wouldn’t say anything until he meant it but Jensen knew it that moment, as his hands ran across Jared’s smooth skin, washing him and listening to his soft laugh that this was the person he was meant to be with. Jared was the person he was meant to have in his arms for the rest of his life and beyond. They meant when they were four years old for a reason; to grow up, take care of each other as much as they needed and could and end up falling in love to live happily ever after... together.

Jensen knew that he was only seventeen, almost eighteen but after knowing Jared for his entire life almost, he knew nothing would change them; nothing would pull him from Jared or make him stop loving the smile that always managed to brighten his day. Jensen was, though he wasn’t going to tell Jared just yet, madly and deeply in love with his best friend.

 

Jared plopped into Jensen’s lap at the kitchen table, taking one of the cookies from in front of him and taking a bite out of it. Jensen smiled and put his nose against the back of Jared’s shoulder, his hands moving to touching Jared’s stomach. Groaning, Jared poked Jensen’s head and mumbled something around his mouth full of oatmeal raisin cookie.

“Shush,” Jensen murmured into his back. “I’ve seen you naked. Me touching your stomach now is no different than washing you.”

Shaking his head, Jared tried pushing Jensen’s hands away but simply was held even tighter, his boyfriend’s strong hands pushing a little harder against his flesh; even if he felt better, there was no way he was going to be able to push Jensen off.

“You win,” Jared giggled softly, turning a tad in his lap to look him straight in the eyes.

Jensen could feel his stomach getting warm, just a little as he saw the bright look on Jared’s face, the way his grin was, once again, lighting the room and getting him just slightly nervous. He never failed at it, never. Jared had perfected this along the years, even if he didn’t know it. The blonde teen leaned in slowly, watching as Jared’s eyes closed and he soon allowed his own to close before locking his lips against Jared’s. Butterflies swirled in his stomach, his mind getting blurry and fuzzy. He couldn’t help it though; Jared affected him that way. He moved his hands to Jared’s back, keeping him pressed against his body and he sighed in happiness. It was moments like that, when his lips were against Jared’s, his hands exploring his warmth that he felt like nothing was wrong, nothing was threatening him or Jared. He even had the next few hours to pretend that that was true and Jensen grinned, not allowing Jared to pull away from his mouth just yet .


	21. New Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jareds getting better, Jensens mom still isn't happy with their relationship. Something new sparks between the boys.

Jared pulled a beanie over his head, making sure his wig was still in place. No matter how snug it felt, he would always feel weird with it on. Thankfully, it was Thanksgiving break and he could wear a hat to make sure it didn’t come off. Jared checked himself in the mirror one more time before leaving his room and descending down the stairs. He had been feeling wonderful over the last week and was even caught up in all of his classes, his lowest grade being an eighty-seven percent. Not only was he passing all of his classes with flying colors but he hadn’t felt the least bit tired or sick since coming home the weekend before and sleeping in Jensen’s arms for almost three full days.

Now he had another couple of days to keep up with staying healthy and with his minimum of eight hours of sleep a night. He’d been doing well with everything that his doctors told him and hadn’t felt so healthy and happy in the last three years. Finally, Jared thought. I’m finally doing well...

“All ready?” Sherri asked from where she stood by the door, digging through her purse.

“Mhm,” Jared replied, smiling sweetly to his mother.

She looked up for a moment, giving him a little grin before looking through her bag again. “You know, I was thinking,” she paused, making a sound of triumph as she pulled out her car keys. “Do you want to drive? It’s just down the road...”

Jared’s face light up quickly. Even if Jensen’s house was only six blocks away, it would be the first time he legally drove since he got his temps almost two years ago. Although he hadn’t been able to drive regularly, Sherri still wanted him with some form of ID, just in case.

“Yes,” he squeaked and took the keys from his mother’s hand. “Thank you!” Jared called as he ran out of the house and down the front steps.

Sherri couldn’t wipe the smile from her face as she saw Jared side into the driver side and start the car; it was so easy to make her boy happy sometimes.  
* * *

 

Leaning back in a chair on the front porch, Jensen watched the road. Though the afternoon was chilly, since it was November, he didn’t mind and it was much better than sitting inside with his fighting parents. They were being horrible about everything Jensen said and all he wanted to do was have a nice dinner with his family and best friend. Now his parents were talking about stupid things involving Jensen’s time away from them and how Jared was constantly a part of the plan. When Jensen had yelled to get them to stop with saying, “He’s my best friend and he’s dying, I’m sorry for spending my time with him,” they weren’t pleased, to say the least.

Jensen didn’t understand why it mattered. Jared had been in the picture for the last fourteen years and suddenly he was bothering them? It made no sense whatsoever and that was why he hadn’t been inside in the last hour, no matter how many times his father came out, trying to convince him to go back in. Nothing had worked yet and until Jared arrived, he wouldn’t go back in. No one other than Jared could make him. Of course, staying until Jared arrived meant explaining why Jensen was arguing with Alan and Donna but maybe Jensen would be able to come up with some type of lie between then and whenever Jared came.

Jensen looked up, watching the few passing cars that were most likely going to their family homes for a nice home cooked dinner as well. He smiled a little and glanced down toward Jared’s house and upon seeing Sherri’s car, his smile grew instantly. Not just because his best friend and his other were on their way but because of what he saw on the inside of the car. Sitting in the driver’s seat, driving carefully and soon turning into Jensen’s driveway was Jared, the most excited expression on his face.

No matter what kind of mood he was in just moments before, seeing Jared so happy instantly brightened his entire day.

Watching closely from where he sat on the porch, Jensen followed the car’s driver from when he jumped out of the seat, grabbing a bag his mother handed him and ran up the driveway and the side steps to Jensen before running to Jensen and stopping to a halt in front of him.

“I drove and Mom said after my eighteenth birthday, I can get my license!” Jared smiled big and dropped his bag on the ground beside Jensen. He plopped into his lap and wrapped his arms around Jensen’s neck. Gasping softly, Jared pulled back to look into his eyes. “You’re cheeks are freezing, Jen. How long have you been out here?”

Jensen smiled sheepishly. “What time is it?”

Sherri walked up the side steps, winking at the boys. “It’s just after four,” she murmured. “Mind getting the door for me? My hands are kind of full.” Sherri nodded toward the chocolate cake in her hands.

Jared jumped up but kept an eyebrow raised at Jensen as he opened the door for his mother and closed it again behind her.

“I’ve been out here since two forty-five...”

Instantly, Jared’s jaw dropped. “What were you doing out here for so long?” he asked quickly and grabbed Jensen’s hand as well as his bag.

Lapping at his lip ring for a moment, Jensen thought about a good answer. Was there one that wasn’t too farfetched or could he tell Jared the truth without upsetting him? Hadn’t they recently promised not to lie to one another though? Jensen sighed and gave Jared the best grin he could force. “Just waiting for you; I guess I misunderstood you last night.”

Pushing open the front door once again, Jared rolled his eyes. “Next time, wait inside. It’s cold!”

Nodding his head, Jensen followed Jared inside and up the stairs. That little white lie would probably come around to bite him in the butt. At the time being though, Jared’s happiness and wellbeing was way more important than anything else he could think of.  
* * *

 

Jared sat next to Jensen on the couch and leaned his head against Jensen’s shoulder. “I love it when our parents cook together. It’s always the most amazing food you’ve ever eaten,” Jared murmured softly.

Jensen put an arm around Jared’s shoulders, pulling him closer. He didn’t say anything for a while, there was no need. Jared was obviously tired and full from dinner but simply enjoying Jensen’s company as they watched a little TV before dessert was served. Jensen knew that after everything he’d said to his mother before serving dinner, it was a safe bet to just stay in the living room for a little while, to let her cool down.

To say Donna was upset with Jensen was an understatement.

But Jensen wasn’t about to let that ruin his alone time with Jared. Instead, he moved his thoughts onto the gorgeous boy sitting beside him, resting in his arms and singing along with one of the commercials using one of Jared’s favorite songs. He was happy to see him in such a wonderful mood, a smile never wiping from his innocent face and the simple pink shading not once fading from the apples of his cheeks.

Fading. That word had triggered a big conversation between the two just a few weeks ago, before Jared had gone off to the hospital. Jared would say at different times that he felt like he was fading away, that he wasn’t anything and that he wouldn’t ever be. He said that cancer was causing him to forget the more important thing in life and focus on the negative aspects that could eventually be taken away from him.

The word fading in Jared’s mind was just like disappearing or vanishing, just like any other person but fading expressed him more because it was a slower process. He said that by the time they were done with high school, he would be completely faded with nothing left to show his existence.

Jensen knew in that moment of thinking, Jared didn’t feel the same way about that six letter word. Jared didn’t like the word still or that it used to be part of his life but he now knew he wasn’t fading as fast anymore. He was fading like a normal person, for the most part.

With gentle fingers, Jensen lifted Jared’s chin to look into his eyes. Jared’s cheeks turned a brighter shade of pink and he bit his bottom lip shyly. Jensen knew how Jared felt about that word still, he knew everything about Jared’s life and he knew that word was no longer a big deal. That word had no meaning anymore.

“I love you, Jared,” Jensen whispered softly, slowly closing the space between them without letting Jared reply.

Jared gasped softly before gripping Jensen’s shirt and leaning into his mouth. What more was there that he could do? It had been an entire afternoon of none anyway... Jared couldn’t resist his boyfriend’s mouth, no matter how hard he tried; there was no keeping away from him.

Jensen slid his hand down to Jared’s neck and gently pulled him against his chest, not once parting from their kiss. Jared moved his leg over Jensen’s, gripping his best friend’s tee-shirt tighter in his hands and moving their lips together several more times. He didn’t understand what was going on, not at all but he was sure that it felt wonderful.

Jensen didn’t know what had gotten into him or why he didn’t feel a need to stop. Something in his mind though was telling him this was okay, telling him that this was what Jared wanted and needed to feel like a whole person for the first time in years. Jared deserved to feel as wanted and desired as any other person and Jensen wanted to show him that he was.

Running his fingers over the back of Jared’s neck, he slowly tried something new, something he wasn’t sure Jared knew how to do but his only thought was, there’s no harm in trying. Being as caring as he could manage, Jensen ran his tongue over Jared’s bottom lip only to receive a soft groan and Jared to match his caress with his own tongue. Jensen grinned; that wasn't what he'd expected but he sure was better than what he could have imagined.

Slowly pulling away, Jared looked into Jensen’s eyes, a nice blush covering his cheeks. “Wow, Jensen...” he whispered before kissing him again, just as they had before.

He’d made Jared feel magnificent as well as making himself feel the same way.  
* * *

 

Nibbling on his bottom lip, Jared tried not looking at his boyfriend. Every single time he stole a glance toward him, Jensen would begin grinning as wide as he could. Jared understood why, it made perfect sense after what had happened between them in the living room but that didn’t change the fact that Jared was feeling shy about it now. He’d never had so much love and meaning behind a kiss before that afternoon. Then, out of nowhere, he started licking his lips and teasing him. It was the best feeling in the world, the spinning in Jared’s stomach after that but now he felt like a school girl, having just had her first kiss. In a way, it was his first kiss, at least, that kind of kiss.

Jensen put his hand on Jared’s shoulder. “What’s wrong, Jared?” he murmured quietly. “Did I do something wrong...?”

Letting out a nervous laugh, Jared shook his head and finally met Jensen’s gaze. “You haven’t done anything wrong, Jensen, I promise,” he said. “I’m just, uh...” How could he word it? Jared made a face and began gnawing on his bottom lip once again.

“You can tell me anything, babe,” Jensen said sweetly before pecking Jared on the cheek.

“Earlier,” Jared whispered. “Now every single time I look at you, I think about it and want to kiss you like that again...”

Jensen let out a breathless chuckle and placed his hand on Jared’s thigh, tugging him into his lap and kissing his square on the lips. “There’s nothing wrong this that, you know? I liked it too.”

The apples of Jared’s cheeks turned a sweet shade of scarlet and he turned his head to the side. Jensen was too sweet, too caring, too... amazing. He always said the right thing, always got his head spinning at the wrong time when all he wanted to do was think. Was that what he was supposed to do though? Shouldn’t Jensen be making Jared feel that way just because they were in a relationship and loving one another?

Jared sighed softly and bit the inside of his cheek. Did this mean he was in love or was he just now getting all of his mushy feelings for Jensen caught up with his brain? Although he wasn’t sure and not in the mood to figure out how his body was suddenly reacting to each and every touch from Jensen’s fingers, Jared knew one thing he wanted.

Turning back to his best friend, Jared mashed their mouths together, still tasting the chocolate cake they had just finished eating off Jensen’s lips .


	22. Jensen's Birthday

Monday mornings were usually the worst just because it was waking up early after two days of sleeping in until noon but this Monday was different. Jared had more reason to be awake than just school. He had a celebration to look forward to. There was so much Jared wished he could do for this evening but after seeing the clock read seven o’clock, he knew he had no time.

Jared pulled his hat over his head and ran down the front steps at the perfect time. Jensen had just stepped inside and was leaning against the door, waiting for him. Jared jumped down the last step and right into Jensen’s outstretched arms.

“Happy birthday, Jen!” he squeaked happily and kissed his cheek sloppily.

Jensen laughed softly and set Jared back onto his feet, standing as close as possible with his boyfriend. “Thank you, baby.”

Placing his hands on either side of Jensen’s face, Jared brought their mouths together, lips slightly parted. The evening before Jared had spent hours trying to figure out what he was going to get Jensen for his birthday. He still wasn’t sure if he would go through with what he had decided but the least he could do at that moment was give Jensen the kisses he seemed to have enjoyed over Thanksgiving.

Jensen sighed heavily into Jared’s mouth and gripped his sides gently. He didn’t know what he had done to deserve something so extraordinary but there was no way he was about to stop and ask. Instead, Jensen slipped his fingertips just below Jared’s sweater and sighed once more in delight at how warm he felt against his own cold flesh.

Jared made a funny sound and slowly pulled away from Jensen’s mouth. “You’ve been smoking again...” he whispered and leaned his forehead against Jensen’s.

Busted. Jensen closed his eyes and gripped Jared’s hips tighter in his hands. He had a single cigarette before leaving the house because his parents were fighting, no longer over Jared but over the money issue they were currently facing. Jensen didn’t want to hear his father say they could lose the house and the only way he could think of relaxing was if he smoked once.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen said softly. “I won’t do it again, I promise but my parents were fighting... And—”

“Don’t explain or apologize, Jensen,” Jared murmured, pressing his finger against his lips. “You’re eighteen, you do what you want. I just don’t like the smell of it. Or the taste, I guess...”

Jensen ran his fingers up Jared’s back a little more and leaned their mouths closer together. “It’s the last time, baby, I promise.”

Pulling away slowly, Jared started up the stairs. “I need to brush my teeth and get my school bag.”

Jensen wasted no time climbing the stairs after him but being stopped by Sherri when they reached the top. “I’ve got to get to work but I just checked city channel and school is closed due to ice.”

Jared kissed Sherri’s cheek and skipped by her. “Then I’m going back to sleep,” he announced. “Jen, is that okay?” he called as he walked into his bedroom.

Jensen shook his head and walked past Sherri, squeezing her arm as he went by and into his best friend’s room. “More sleep sounds great, actually.”

\----

Jared wanted to do something wonderful for his boyfriend, something that would make him happy and feel like he’d won the most expensive prize in the world. More than anything he just wanted to get him to feel as if nothing in their lives was wrong, everything was going smoothly as it did when they were ten. Ever since Jared got cancer he felt that he needed to make it up to Jensen, prove to him that he cared for everything he did just as Jensen took care of him.

The way Jensen was always taking care of him, holding his hair when he needed it, making him food at any time Jared thought he could hold it down, carrying him from the bathroom and back... The list went on and on and Jared always had that pull on his heart strings that he wouldn’t ever do enough for Jensen in return.

Jared glanced to his left, seeing his best friend still fast asleep. Jared could hear the whistle coming from his nose, the occasional sound of his lip ring against his teeth and see his eyes dancing beneath his lids. He looked so at peace when he slept but Jared knew better than that. Jensen was far from a peace, he was just as worried as Jared himself was about the operation he’d just undergone. So much was far from okay in their lives but Jared wanted to do anything that gave Jensen the feeling it was all alright.

There was one thought but it seemed too farfetched. Jensen wouldn’t go for the particular idea flowing through Jared’s mind. Jensen always worried more for Jared’s health and safety over anything else that happened or didn’t happen in their love lives. Still, the only gift Jared had on his mind was his virginity. Would Jensen accept that or completely reject it without thinking twice?

Jared pressed his face into Jensen’s neck and took a deep breath. Jensen would never agree to taking that when they had only been an official item for a couple of weeks. Jensen would probably call Jared insane for thinking of something like that. But was it really that crazy? Jared had known of his feelings for Jensen for nearly a year or longer and he was sure Jensen hadn’t just spontaneously decided to start liking him. 

He’d gotten Jensen a shirt so far but he wanted to give him something with true meaning. Jared did his best loving Jensen but he had that same tug on his heart telling him it wasn’t enough.

Jared got up slowly and made sure to cover Jensen with the blanket again. Maybe he wasn’t enough for Jensen’s happiness...

\----

Jensen rolled over a bit, expecting to feel Jared’s warm, thin body pressed against his side but felt nothing. His eyes snapped open and he stared around the room, hoping that he hadn’t slept through Jared getting sick. He’d never forgive himself if he weren’t there for Jared when he wasn’t well.

“Jared?” Jensen called out and threw the covers back, running out of the bedroom. He heard the soft sound of the television playing in the living room and sighed. If Jared had been sick, he wouldn’t know because Jared wouldn’t tell him the truth about that.

Quickly, Jensen darted down the stairs to see Jared taking a seat on the end of the sofa, a mug of what smelled to be hot cocoa in his hands. Jensen sighed in relief and gave him a warming smile. “How long have you been awake? I wouldn’t have minded if you got me up when you did.”

Jared shrugged and took a little sip of his drink. “Same reason you let me sleep in really late; you’re cute when you sleep.”

Jensen rolled his eyes lightheartedly; his cheeks painted a pretty shade of pink and took a seat beside his best friend. “You are cute when you sleep.”

Jared giggled and leaned his back against Jensen’s chest. “I want you to know that what I was going to get you for your birthday isn’t good enough so what I did get isn’t all that great...”

Wrapping his arms gently around Jared’s waist, Jensen pressed a delicate kiss behind his ear. “What isn’t good enough?”

Shaking his head hurriedly, Jared leaned forward and put his mug on the table. “That isn’t important...”

“Tell me, please? It’s my birthday...” Jensen rested his chin against Jared’s shoulder, his bottom lip drooping into a pout. “Pa-lease!”

Jared looked down, staring at his best friend’s hands touching his stomach. If Jared were better at thinking on his feet, he might’ve been able to think of something to tell him, something that Jensen would have understood but not thought as a totally ridiculous idea. Wait that was it. Something Jensen would understand but not totally out there.

“I was going to get you a waffle maker, as a joke but that’s just dumb,” Jared mumbled, thankful to have covered up his original plan.

Jensen chuckled finely and held on tighter to his boyfriend. “That isn’t dumb but my mom would think you’d gone crazy for it.”

A nervous laugh leaked from Jared’s lips as he pulled his legs up beneath himself. “Yeah, that’s why I didn’t.”

The room stayed quiet other than the soft murmur coming from the television. Jensen kept his face against Jared’s neck, breathing in his slightly musky aroma mixed with the sweetest smelling lip-gloss he’d ever been around. Jensen continued running his thumb over Jared’s stomach as they watched the program before them.

Jared couldn’t get his mind off what he still kind of wanted. After two hours by himself and only thinking about what he had wanted to offer up, he could only keep thinking of that. How would that feel? What would it be like? Would it hurt or make him feel good? There were so many what ifs, what and how’s running through Jared’s mind, he hadn’t realized Jensen was speaking to him until he felt a tug on his ear.

“Huh?” Jared said, turning quickly to face him.

“I asked if you have eaten lunch yet. I’m really hungry,” Jensen repeated humor in his tone.

“Oh! No, I haven’t.”

Jensen put his hand on Jared’s cheek and looked into his eyes. “What’s the matter? You’re all over the place, babe.”

Maybe he should just tell him, get it out in the open and forget about it until they were really ready to move onto that part of their love. Of course, if Jared did say it, would it make him sound slutty or needy? Jensen had made fun of girls at school for how fast they wound up in their boyfriend’s beds but since it was Jared, would Jensen still think the same?

Jared was torn so far he thought his head would explode. He wanted to explain how much he loved Jensen and how badly he just wanted everything to be perfect in their relationship and friendship but he still had no idea if he were ready to express this or not.

“Just thinking. Let’s go get some lunch, hm?”

Jared jumped up from the couch and walked briskly to the kitchen, not waiting for Jensen’s answer.

\----

Sherri closed the front door quickly and shook the snow out of her hair. The constantly following snow would probably close school the following day. And to think, it was only December eighth.

“Boys! If you slept all day you aren’t getting a crumb of this cake!” she called up the stairs as she clicked back toward the kitchen.

 

Jared weaved his fingers through Jensen’s hair, moving his body further against Jensen’s, their lips moving together. He hadn’t been able to admit to what his original plan was but he was able to admit he wanted to kiss him as they’d done before. That was a step in the right direction.

Jensen’s fingers spread over Jared’s side, feeling his warmth as he tasted that sweetness from his lips. They both let out matching gasps and soon, Jensen allowed his tongue to slip out and touch his bottom lip. Jared tugged on Jensen’s neck and allowed Jensen to lick at his lip once more before gasping and shyly opening his mouth. Everything was going so fast in his mind, he didn’t know what was happening but he was sure it was okay and Jensen was doing this because he wanted to.

Jensen gently pushed his tongue inside Jared’s mouth and they both instantly gasped. It was so new, so different but felt so true and as the exact thing they should be doing. Jared’s tongue traced over Jensen’s, caressing gently as his hands pulled softly on his spiky hair. Jared had never felt so alive before, it was as if his body was telling him Jensen was doing this on purpose.

Lips smacked against lips, tongue battling together gently and hands touching skin. It was all about contact, touching and feeling. Nothing more mattered. Jared’s earlier thoughts of the day forgotten as well as any other worries they might have had. Right down to those few moments, the only thing being thought about was how wonderful it felt to be whole and alive .


	23. Vacation's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys take a trip with Jared's family. Jensen's body starts appealing to Jared's in a sexual way.

Jared dropped his towel into the small hamper that had been placed near the toilet in his hotel room. His annual family trip to Florida had started the day before and he was feeling more alive and at peace with the sudden climate change than he had in the last three years. His body was very fond of the warmth of the sun beating down on his skin and he didn’t feel the slightest bit uneasy when it came to going swimming.

Walking out of the bathroom, Jared turned to his left and reached into his drawer. He shivered as he felt the light breeze blowing in from the window across the room but smiled when he realized it felt really nice against his bare, damp skin. It was almost like a dream, him feeling so healthy. Would it last? Jared sighed and slipped into his tight boxers; it might actually stay that way.

 

Jensen couldn’t take his eyes off of Jared’s milky white skin as he swiftly walked from the bathroom to grabbing some clean clothing. He hadn’t seen Jared’s skin without a slightly purple tint in so long; it was making his heart beat fast just realizing Jared looked strong.

And the best part to Jensen was that Jared still had yet to notice him watching him from the bed. Jensen had slept in longer than Jared and since they were sharing a room, Jared would be waking Jensen up shortly. Jensen could just wait there, his eyes partly closed as he watched Jared moved slowly from one part of his process in getting ready to another part.

Jensen bit his lip as he watched Jared bend over and reach into the bottom drawer, the skin covering his bottom tightening and making Jensen lick his lips. He'd never felt that way for Jared before, it hadn't ever been about his body but suddenly, his mind was completely focused on that, as if it were all that he wanted... Jensen nearly slapped himself to make his thoughts go away. He wasn't supposed to be thinking of Jared in such a way, even if they were a little closer now. Jared was still his best friend, still sick. He shouldn't have been wanting to feel him all over, touch every square inch of his body.

Jared slipped his wig on and Jensen smiled; Jared really loved that thing and didn’t care what he looked like in it, it made him feel just that much better about himself. That was a good thing though; all Jensen wanted was for Jared to be pleased with life.

Jared picked up a tee-shirt, stared at it for a few moments and shrugged before slipping it over his head. Jensen almost couldn’t hide his small grin; Jared had always done that before putting a shirt on, no matter where they were or how long he’d been trying to decide what to wear.

As the younger boy glanced toward the bed, Jensen closed his eyes quickly. Jared was going to be waking him up then and Jensen was most definitely looking forward to him. In the last few weeks, Jared had been waking Jensen in incredible way... Jensen turned in the bed, making a tired sound and forcing a snore, rolling onto his back and hiding his smirk at what would be happening soon.

Jensen felt the bed near his feet dipping down and the weight of Jared’s body moving up the bed until he plopped himself on Jensen’s lap and leaned down. Jared hovered his mouth to Jensen’s ear and gently kissed just below his lobe.

“Jen,” Jared whispered softly. “It’s time to get up; we’ve got a lot happening today.”

Grunting, Jensen shook his head and managed to get his arms out from beneath the covers quickly, wrapping his arms tightly around Jared’s waist and tugging him against his chest. “Too early, baby, sleep...” 

Jared pressed his body against Jensen’s and touched his arms. “Please get up,” Jared said, his voice tender. “We’re going to Universal’s Studios today and it’s already nine.”

Sighing deeply, Jensen nodded and rolled them over carefully, pressing against Jared’s body and staring into his eyes. He didn’t know what to say or if he even should say anything about the fact that he’d just been checking him out so instead, Jensen joined their mouths in a warming moment. 

Since they’d taken their tiny step forward on Jensen’s birthday, they had been having a rather hard time keeping their kissing simple. It was always dragged out much longer than need be and it was always a little more intense than usual. Of course, neither boy minded much because they were still sorting through their emotions but Jensen always felt as if he were using Jared when it came down to kissing him so desperately.

Pulling away, Jensen gave Jared an uncomfortable grin. “I’m sorry,” he whispered and sat up, kicking the covers away and throwing his legs over the side of the bed. He leaned his elbows on his lets and put his head in his hands.

Jensen was beginning to think he was starting to lose control of himself, let go of the wall he’d built in the first weeks of being Jared’s boyfriend and letting the half of him that just desired Jared get the best of him. He should have had a better handle of himself and he didn’t.

Jared frowned and crawled over to Jensen, wrapping his arms around his waist and leaning his chin against his shoulder. “What’s wrong, Jen?”

In a fast motion, Jensen pulled Jared into his lap and looked into his eyes. Just telling him would be easier than dragging it out and making something extremely stupid up. “I feel bad for kissing you like that all the time...”

Jared moved on Jensen’s lap, putting his legs on either side of Jensen’s waist and gripped his shoulders. “I like kissing you like that though,” he whispered. “I’ve never felt like that with someone before and it’s nice to feel so... hot sometimes...”

Jensen placed his hands on Jared’s thighs, rubbing his skin tenderly with his thumbs and smiled just a little. “You know you’re hot, baby,” he murmured and matched Jared’s intense gaze. “Especially right now...”

Biting the inside of his cheek, Jared tugged on Jensen’s hair once again. He felt like he was in that moment for one reason; the way he was sitting on Jensen. He’d never done something like it before but he didn’t even feel bad for how he was sitting. Straddling Jensen in such a way felt almost normal and yet, made the back of his neck sweaty.

“You know, I always wondered if you saw me as more than adorable,” Jared giggled, his cheeks turning a light pink.

The older boy nearly groaned and slapped Jared’s thigh but stopped himself and just smirked. “Of course I do. Right now, you’re pretty sexy.”

Jared squirmed in his lap, his neck feeling warmer than before. He’d felt this way before and knew what was happening to his body but he hadn’t had Jensen do this to him since they were younger, about ten and had wrestled on the living room floor. Jared knew what it was then, knew that he was feeling for Jensen’s body and that was even when he knew he liked boys more than he should have. But even if he’d felt this way for Jensen before, his body becoming tight and warm, it didn’t change the fact that he felt bad for wanting to just attach himself to Jensen’s mouth.

Was it really so bad that he just wanted to kiss him? He knew everything there was about Jensen, loved him for more than just how he made his body get rigid and they were constantly talking about everything but how they made each other feel. So really, was it bad that Jared just wanted to feel his mouth?

As Jared pushed Jensen back on the bed compassionately, his lips finding their way to Jensen’s he told himself it was normal and part of how they were going to be toward one another now. Jared was healing from the inside out, even if he still had cancer in a couple of months, he still was becoming more and more of a healthy person by allowing his hormones to do whatever they wanted. Kissing, grinding and touching Jensen was just going to be part of the territory now.

That wasn’t a bad thing though.

Gliding his hands over Jared’s legs, Jensen allowed his hands to rest against his butt. For a moment, Jared tensed, his kisses slowing down but before long, he began moving his mouth again, even letting his tongue taste across Jensen’s lips for an instant. Jensen beamed; he was doing something right for his best friend.

Breathing sped up, hands spreading over flesh as it began to dampen by sweat. Jared nearly groaned; he hadn't ever felt like this. Sure, he’d had a couple of nice kissing sessions with Jensen in the last few days but it wasn’t ever anything with such emotion, such meaning and enjoyment. Even when Jared had done things to himself, as most normal teenage boys, he hadn’t been so into touching himself as he felt into letting Jensen do whatever he was doing with his hands and his butt.

Fingers roamed over the hairless skin of the back of Jared’s thighs, touching a place no one had dared caress before. Nothing had been more natural than that, than having Jensen stroke his body in the tenderest and loving way possible. Jensen’s fingers slid up Jared’s skin further, touching just were his boxers ended which only caused Jared to tremble. Why hadn’t they ever done this before? It was such a rewarding sensation.

A small growl escaped Jensen’s mouth and he gripped onto Jared’s thighs, loving how he could feel Jared trembling throughout his entire being. Jensen hadn’t ever been so sensual with another person before, had only made out a couple of times before finding his feelings for his best friend. These feelings, the waves of electricity coursing through his body were just as new to him as they were to Jared.

Jared pulled away from his boyfriend’s mouth and gave him a bright grin. “I’m telling you,” he whispered. “I’m okay with us kissing like that twenty-four hours a day.”

Jared moved back a little, putting his hands on Jensen’s wrists and began to sit in Jensen’s lap when Jensen sprung forward quickly and moved Jared to sitting on the bed beside him. “I’ve got to get a shower if we’re going to Universal today,” he said hurriedly and pressed an affectionate kiss to Jared’s mouth. “I’ll be fast though.”

Jared nodded and his cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. “Okay. I’m going to finish getting ready and order breakfast. Is there anything special you want to eat?”

Shaking his head, Jensen rose from the bed and quickly darted into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him. Although he had most certainly enjoyed what had just happened between him and Jared and wouldn’t have minded continuing, he couldn’t. If he had, who knew how much he would have worried or startled Jared?

He hadn’t meant to let his body get out of control as they moved together and touched but he couldn’t stop it. His mind was too fascinated with feeling Jared’s skin, touching his bottom and tasting his mouth... Jensen leaned against the bathroom door and looked down slowly.

“Crap!” he groaned and almost slapped himself in the forehead. “I hope Jared didn’t see that...” he muttered and stalked over to the shower, throwing the curtain open and turning the water as cold as it went .


	24. Misunderstandings

Jared watched Jensen from where he was laying on the pool chair. Jensen was doing some laps in the pool, saying he felt lazy from all the lunch they’d just eaten and not having gym class every afternoon. Jared was wondering if that was really Jensen’s reasoning for not wanting to sit still near him for more than a couple of minutes. A few mornings before, they’d been closer than ever, kissing like maniacs, holding hands and clinging to each other in line before each ride the rode but now, it was as if something had changed again, leaving them... nothing, almost. Jared didn’t want them to take a step backward, in their love or friendship. Jensen meant more to him than anyone in the world and he wasn’t sure that having things suddenly changing was the way he wanted everything to go between them.

Jared was just beginning to get happy with everything that had been going on in the parts of their lives that they shared. Why did Jensen have to go and get all weird on him and change? Or was it Jared that was changing? Did Jensen think that they were moving just too fast and was trying to stop anything else from happening? Jared bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at the pool again, seeing Jensen hopping over the edge. Jensen couldn’t really think something so stupid, did he?

“Jensen!” Jared called out and sat up, pulling his sunglasses from his face.

Jensen raised an eyebrow, still stChadng by the edge and Jared gave him a warming grin before waving him over. Jensen smiled softly and held up a single finger and dove back into the water.

Jared huffed and grabbed his sunglasses and towel, shoving his glasses onto his face and stepping around the pool. He tossed his dirty towel into the hamper near the lifeguard stand and continued his way into the hotel. Jensen was really ignoring him, really trying to get some subliminal message across. What he was really trying to say, Jared had no idea but he was done sitting around and trying to guess.

If Jensen wanted to be a jerk, he could do it alone.  
* * *

 

Hiding from Jensen would have been a lot easier if they hadn’t been sharing a hotel room for the two weeks in Florida. Jared had stayed by himself in their room for about an hour before Jensen finally came running in, breathless and most obviously worried. Jared wished he’d been able to slap him. After finding Jared in the room, Jensen didn’t say anything. He gave him a small smile, a kiss on the head and went straight into the bathroom for a shower.

What happened to sharing showers? Jared felt like they were falling apart now, not just Jensen trying to keep them from something. He thought that something was so far wrong that he couldn’t see it when he looked at his best friend. What could it have been though? They’d shared everything that happened since the day they determined they were best friends. What was suddenly so personal that it couldn’t be vocalized?

Jared jumped up from his spot on the bed and grabbed a pair of boxers and tossed his wig down on the dresser. If Jensen wasn’t going to invite him into the shower, he would invite himself. They were supposed to be ready for a huge family dinner in the next couple of hours anyway. Why not save time and shower together? Jared grinned to himself; he’d finally get a few minutes to ask Jensen was the heck was happening.

Turning to the bathroom, Jared turned the handle and gasped. It was locked! Jared wanted to scream and cry, cuss and just hit things. Was he really missing something that big? Would could have been on Jensen’s mind or bugging him so much that he would lock Jared out the bathroom?

Hitting the side of his fist against the door, Jared spun around and threw himself onto the bed. Until that moment, Jared had felt just fine but now, with the horrendous thought that Jensen was upset with him, he wasn’t sure his lunch was going to stay down much longer. His stomach was full of knots, his mind was completely blank and his throat was growing dry as his eyes got wet. Jensen wasn’t supposed to get so frustrated with him that he wouldn’t talk about how he felt. They always talked about things when they argued... Why was that so different now?

Little tears escaped Jared’s eyes and he clenched a pillow against his head. He could taste his lunch coming up again as his tears fell against his lips. He should have just waited downstairs for Jensen, should have had him explain what the matter was. Now it was too late, he could feel it. Jensen wouldn’t forgive him for whatever he had messed up and they’d fall the rest of the way apart...

 

Ringing out the rest of the water in his hair, Jensen tossed his towel over the rack on the back of the door and slipped into a pair of boxers. He was so tired but still so turned on... He didn’t have a second alone to get rid of what Jared had caused days before. He’d willed it away with cold water but before too long he had to turn the heat on. He couldn’t face the fact that he just needed to get off, especially not with Jared in the same room. He’d feel like some kind of pervert then but he couldn’t help it. All he could think about was Jared and how gorgeous he looked with his slight little tan...

Jensen wanted to just have this issue a thing of the past already. He was tired of keeping contact with Jared to a minimum, not holding him at night while they slept or having to be careful how out of control their kissing became. He was tired of not being who he wanted to around Jared. And from how Jared had acted earlier, he seemed to be catching on to the fact that he wasn’t the same anymore.

Jensen didn’t want to become any different, that was for sure. He wanted to be the person he always had been with Jared but that was getting more and more difficult each day Jared’s skin became a more healthy shade, each time Jared would laugh so innocently or when he would go another full day without needing pain killers or running to the bathroom... It was hard seeing Jared so healthy and not wanting to just touch him.

A sigh passed Jensen’s lips and he turned the knob of the door but it didn’t move. He looked down, a brow raised; how did that get locked? He wondered and unlocked it, pulling the door open. He felt his heart strings being gnawed on as he looked around the room to see no sign of Jared but his wig lying on the dresser. He never went anywhere without that on since he got it, where could he be now?

Jensen groaned and snatched his phone up from the bedside table and flipped it open. He felt his heart beating faster when he saw a message from Jared.

I’m taking my shower in mom’s room. I’ll be back just before we leave for dinner... and I’m sorry. For whatever I did to you. Can we talk after dinner?

Jensen closed his eyes tightly and held his phone tighter in his hand. He didn’t think Jared would think like that. It wasn’t really Jared’s fault; it was Jensen’s for allowing his mind to slip so far into the gutter some times.

There’s nothing to be sorry about, Jared. I’m sorry for being so distant. I’ll explain after dinner. I promise...

With a toss of his phone to the bed, Jensen’s eyes locked on the clock. It was only four and they weren’t supposed to leave for dinner until six... He bit his bottom lip and glanced down; sure enough, he was stChadng proud for the umpteenth time in the last few days. He finally had the alone time he needed to do what had been bothering him since their first morning there...

Jensen laid down on the bed, settling into the pillows and let his hand fall to his lap. Maybe now he wouldn’t be such a jerk to his boyfriend...

 

Jensen wasn’t sure he could move anymore. He felt so good, so spent and so ready to run to Jared, pick him up and kiss him until he understood that his mood wasn’t his fault. Jensen hadn’t done something like that, something for himself in so long that he felt more tired than he did after all of his laps in the pool. But he only had enough time now to shave his face and get dressed. Although it had taken a lot longer than he figured it would, it was worth it. Now he could kiss Jared and hold him and let his fingers roam over his skin without feeling the urge to run to the bathroom and take a cold shower. Jensen smiled; now he could shower with Jared again and wash his smooth skin...

Jensen rolled over onto his side and picked up his phone, smiling at the text message from his boyfriend.

Whatever it is, you know you can tell me, Jen. I’m always here to listen and I won’t judge you. Just don’t keep things from me, please...

“I’ll tell you as much as I can until you feel uncomfortable,” Jensen murmured and bounded to the bathroom.

 

Jared pushed the door open slowly and winced when he saw the bed was a mess and Jensen wasn’t anywhere. He didn’t want to deal with so much screwed up crap in his life but nothing was getting better. He’d been talking to Jensen through texts for the last fifteen minutes but he still wasn’t in the best of moods, at least he didn’t seem to be. All Jared wanted was for Jensen to be happy again. He didn’t know what he would have to do for that but he’d do whatever it took.

Jared walked over to the dresser and picked up his wig, running his fingers threw some of the knots as he walked backward to the bed. He inhaled deeply and looked up; facing the same room Jensen was in when he left over two hours ago. Jared nearly snickered; weren’t girls the only ones that took so long in there?

After running his fingers through the wig for another moment, Jared inhaled deeply again. The room had a very strong, musky smell but what was it exactly? Jared laid his wig on the bedside table and pressed his nose into his pillow, breathing in the scent that was his best friend. The scent was something different, something Jared hadn’t known from before. It was sweat, mixed with something else.

Whatever it was mixed with Jensen’s smell, it was alluring him into wanting to find out just what it was. What had Jensen sprayed or used in the shower? Jared wondered. 

“Gosh...” Jared sighed and crawled up the bed. “What is that...?”

He pressed his nose deeper into the pillow, allowing the aroma to fill his lungs completely. What could have caused such an attractive scent? Jared couldn’t pull himself away from the pillow or the smell that was Jensen. It was too good, too addicting...

“Jared?” Jensen said softly, leaning against the door frame. “What’re you doing, babe?”

Jared looked up at him quickly, as if he were a child caught taking candy from their mother. “Uhh, your pillow smells... great...”

Jensen crossed the hotel suite quickly and sat down beside Jared, laying his hand on his thigh. Jared looked down at where Jensen’s fingers were lightly brushing against his jeans, a tremble running through his spine. Jensen was making him feel so uncomfortable but so comfortable about having body contact once again. He’d missed those loving strokes that they used to always share.

Leaning over slowly, Jensen pressed his mouth against Jared’s cheek. “I’m sorry I’ve been so out of it these last few days. I’ve been thinking a lot and I’ve had some personal things that have been distracting me,” Jensen whispered and gave Jared’s leg a tender squeeze. “I’m really sorry I made you think this was all your fault...”

Jared tensed beneath Jensen’s hand and let his eyes close. He wanted to say something, wanted to explain to Jensen that they have both been around each other so much in the last couple of weeks that it was bound to happen sooner or later and that after inhaling his scent for so long, he didn’t give a crap about anything that had been threatening their love before.

“Just... forget it, Jen...” Jared murmured. “It’s okay...”

Jared really couldn’t think with Jensen so close to his body, his hand so close to a place no one had ever caressed. Jensen was the only person he would ever allow to touch there and yet he felt as if it were something so new and strange that Jensen wouldn’t ever want to do that with him. 

Was that the reason for all of this mess? Jensen was trying to show Jared that he didn’t want to feel him so much, trying to show him that just because they were dating it didn’t mean they had to do things that involved so much exploring.

It made so much sense now...

“Jen?” Jared whispered and slowly forced his eyes open, facing Jensen with the brightest shade of pink on his cheeks.

“What?” Jensen replied, his brow cocked and a grin on his face.

Jensen looked so happy now, so much like he had days before, maybe asking him this simple question wouldn’t hurt anything. Jensen wouldn’t mind anyway. Before they were together, he used to talk about girls and other guys like they were pieces of meat...

Running his tongue over his lips, Jared sighed. “Will we ever do anything more than kissing?” he whispered, his voice cracking on the last words.

Jensen’s jaw nearly dropped. Jared watched him go from licking at his lip ring to almost saying something to beginning to move his hands up Jared’s sides. Jensen looked not only confused but caught off guard, like if he said the wrong thing, Jared would be offended. That wasn’t true, not at all. Jared didn’t care what Jensen’s reply was, he just wanted Jensen to say something.

“Jen, say something,” Jared said, his voice still dangerously quiet.

The freckled boy looked up, moving his hands to Jared’s hips and pulled him swiftly into his lap. “Yes, we will,” he answered, his voice strong behind his words.

Jared smiled and leaned forward, pressing his lips gently against Jensen’s mouth and sighing when he could taste him truly for the first time in many days. It was good to have him so close again, even if things were far from normal still. They had a lot to talk about but dinner was ten minutes away and there was no time to talk about what they would do and when they would. Jared decided then, he would just talk to Jensen about what and when the following morning, when they didn’t have anything planned.

“Get dressed,” Jared whispered quietly. “I was only supposed to tell you that you’re being slow and need to hurry up...”

Jared giggled and rose from Jensen’s lap, slipping his wig on and dodging the pillowing being chucked at his head while Jensen nearly screamed at him for being unfair, his best friend’s laughter following shortly after.

Things were mostly normal again but they still had that minor detail to discuss later


	25. New Expierences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys explore their bodies

Jensen ran his fingers over Jared’s neck and held onto him where his legs bent across his lap. Jared had been unusually tired that day and since the adults were off doing their own thing, Jensen just let Jared sleep. It was their final night in Florida anyway; why not let Jared spend it the way he wanted?

Jensen brought Jared a little closer to his chest and sighed softly against his head. He wasn’t feeling well anymore and it was simply breaking Jensen’s heart. All he ever wanted was for his best friend to be healthy and happy but with the sudden change in how he felt, Jensen wanted to scream. Jared didn’t deserve being so sick all the time; he didn’t deserve this cancer trying to take his life.

Jensen had thought that time and time again though and not once had anything changed. Hopefully Jared would be better in a few months time, from his recent operation but who really knew? All time could do was close his eyes and dream of a good life for his boyfriend...  
* * *

 

“I feel fine, Jen,” Jared giggled and settled himself into his best friend’s lap. “That little nap earlier really helped. Now I’m up for anything.”

Jensen put his hands carefully on Jared’s sides, testing to see if it was okay to do that. It had been several days since their minor conversation of moving forward and they hadn’t talked about anything after getting back from dinner, they simply didn’t have time. Jared was tired and his stomach hurt from how much he’d eaten plus Jensen didn’t want to worry about it at that point. Now though, he was beginning to think about feeling Jared’s skin underneath the pads of his fingers just a little bit more... He really wanted to touch every square inch of Jared’s body in the moment.

Jared gave him his most powerful grin and moved forward in his lap. “I said anything, didn’t I?” Jared whispered and leaned forward slowly, capturing Jensen in a soft kiss.

Jensen sighed softly and gripped onto Jared’s hips just a little tighter, pulling Jared as close against him as he could. They both wanted something, not for the feeling of having done something but for the feeling of being loved. Jared didn’t know what was going to happen in the next moments with his boyfriend but he knew whatever happened would be the right thing. Jared didn’t even know what things could happen. Hopefully Jensen knew more than he did when it came to this sort of thing.

Jared reached forward, twisting his fingers through Jensen’s hair and let a tiny breath out into Jensen’s mouth. They both let out matching groans and soon, opened their mouths, allowing their tongues to escape and brush against the other. Jared knew this, he couldn’t stop doing this sometimes; it had been the only thing that really made him feel good. So far. Maybe Jensen knew other ways. Jared grinned into the kiss and pressed his tongue harder into Jensen’s.

Jensen couldn’t stop his hands from moving once more. His fingers were aching to touch Jared’s creamy white skin, the skin that had long ago lost its purple tint and was finally looking healthy again. He couldn’t stop the tips of his fingers from moving across Jared’s lower back, just above the top of his track pants.

Jared was already shaking, his fingers trembling as he moved back to get a better grip on Jensen’s shoulders. Jensen couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit smug. He hadn’t been with someone in this way since he was sixteen and though it didn’t seem that long ago, it was. Not to mention he didn’t mean what he did then at all. Now he felt that he would mean every caress he laid upon Jared’s body, every single kiss or pinch; Jensen wouldn’t do something he didn’t mean to the fullest power.

Jensen didn’t care for a split second what Jared thought or how he reacted to what he wanted to do, what he felt the need to caress. His hands slipped further down Jared’s body, pressing lightly against his bottom. A drawn out groan escaped Jensen’s mouth as he felt Jared pressing his body down against his hands. Jensen hadn’t expected that, he hadn’t thought Jared would be so willing so quickly but it wasn’t about to stop massaging just yet. Jared wanted to do this.

Jensen spread his hands out over Jared’s bottom, gripping him lightly. Jared’s body went tense for a moment before he relaxed and hips began moving into Jensen’s hands. Jensen exhaled heavily, his hands still full with Jared’s beautiful butt. He hadn’t thought just touching him like this, letting him take them as fast or slow as he wanted would feel so good to him. Feeling Jared grind into his hands was one of the best things Jensen had experienced in a very long time.

The blonde teen knew at that point, he needed to be careful of how close he let Jared get to his body, where he let him sit and just how much grinding he let continue. He could feel what he’d fixed days before coming back and tenfold this time.

Jared couldn’t stop his lips from falling up in the corners as he pushed down into Jensen’s hands again. He wasn’t stupid when it came to some things and the way that Jensen was suddenly not letting him move closer against his chest was telling him he’d done something right. Jared knew what he was doing was right because his boyfriend wasn’t in his normal baggy jeans, he had on gym shorts and that explained all that Jared needed to know.

Jared allowed his hands to drop from Jensen’s hair to his stomach, pressing the tips of his fingers into Jensen’s toned belly. Jared felt his body getting tight for the first time in months, his stomach getting warmer than he’d ever felt. What has happening...? Jared pulled Jensen’s shirt up slowly and pressed his hand flat against his tummy. Jared understood in that moment exactly what was happening and just why.

“Jensen,” Jared whispered, bringing his mouth away from Jensen’s and pushed his hands down further, sweeping his fingernails over the skin just above the top of his pants. “I... I... don’t...”

“No worries,” Jensen replied, not needing to hear any more. “Do what you think is right.”

Jared met Jensen’s gaze, his cheeks bright pink and his breath fast. “I don’t know what is right, though. I’ve never done this.”

Jensen moved his hands in a circular motion over Jared’s bottom and smiled softly. “Do you know what you want to do?”

Jared was nodding before Jensen could even finish his question and neither could fight the laughter building in their throats.

Leaning forward slowly, Jensen put his mouth just beside Jared’s ear. “What is it you want to do?” he whispered softly, his voice heavy with curiosity.

The younger teen scooted forward slowly, bumping his knees against the back of the couch. He let his hands fall the small distance to where he really wanted to put them. Jensen’s eyes grew wide but he wouldn’t meet Jared’s face. Jared really wanted to touch him there? Jensen was blown away that Jared had been so straightforward to what he wanted.

Jared felt his cheeks getting warmer than before and slowly he ran his fingers down Jensen’s thigh, touching him gently. Jared could feel everything, especially the heat radiating off of him.

“I really want to touch you,” Jared said. “I don’t want to mess up though...”

Cracking a playful smirk, Jensen shook his head. “There’s no way you can mess this up, Jared.”

Jared sat up a little, lifting out of Jensen’s hands and shivering at losing the contact. He bit onto his bottom lip and hooked his fingers beneath the top of Jensen’s pants and boxers, slowly pulling them down his legs. He’d seen Jensen naked before, he’d been around Jensen in the shower before countless times but this was different, so different. Jensen looked sexy, so very sexy.

Jensen put his hand on Jared’s wrist before he was able to touch him and looked into his eyes. “You are sure, right? This is because you want to?”

Jared poked Jensen playfully on the nose. “For the first time in your life, be a normal horny teenage boy,” Jared giggled quietly and slowly wrapped his long fingers around Jensen’s length.

The words that were close to spilling Jensen’s lips were lost somewhere in his throat. Jared’s warm, thin hand was making it hard for him to breath at the time being and he suddenly felt like a real teenage boy again, just like Jared had told him to be. It was like the first time all over again but this time, it was Jared’s marvelous hands on him and not some girl that was supposed to have been his perfect girlfriend. She didn’t matter anyway, Jared did.

Jensen leaned his head back on the couch and let his mind go wide, running from fantasy to fantasy even to daydreams he’d had just days before of how this would go. He never thought Jared would be so calm or that he would tell him to be a normal horny teenage boy. Jensen liked it though; something about the way the words left Jared’s mouth was more appealing than anything he’d ever heard spoken before.

Jared didn’t feel completely at peace as he stroked his boyfriend so lovingly. He was pleased to finally be doing what he’d been thinking about for the last week but he was nervous and really didn’t want things between the two of them to be awkward or any different after the fact. Jensen was more mature than that though and Jared himself was; they wouldn’t let things get weird. That was simply silly.

Watching Jensen moving through his hand was causing Jared’s boxers to get tighter and tighter, his mind to get fuzzier and his mouth to become dry. Jensen was warm and had an aroma radiating off his skin that Jared had never encountered before. It was something new, something strange... something exhilarating.

Moving his hand just slightly faster, Jared squeaked when he heard Jensen moan. Although he’d known before it would happen, the sound seemed too heavenly to be coming from Jensen’s mouth. Jared smirked and moved backward a little, laying his free hand on Jensen’s inner thigh. The blonde’s body became ridged for a moment before he relaxed complete again, another approving sound sliding through his lips.

Minutes ticked by and Jared felt closer to his best friend than he had in his entire life. He could see Jensen was getting close to being finished, could see the little drops of sweat gathering on his brown and he felt a sudden wave of pride rushing through his chest. Making Jensen feel good and be happy with everything was all he’d ever wanted and he was able to do both, at the same time even.

Jared sat up on his knees as he’d done earlier and leaned forward to Jensen, kissing him square on the lips and sighing the moment Jensen’s hand found the back of his neck, pulling him closer into the kiss. Jared’s hand continued moving between them as their lips moved together. Jensen made an interesting noise but Jared didn’t stop working him. He wasn’t sure that he could at the moment, not when he could feel Jensen’s blunt nails digging so lightly into his skin.

Before Jared even registered what was happening, Jensen’s mouth stopped moving and his grip on Jared’s neck relaxed. Several pleased sounds came from his parted wet lips and Jared felt the best sensation over his fingers.

For a few seconds they both stayed still, Jared slowly moving his hand away from Jensen’s spent member and just holding his hand away from the fabric of the couch. Jared wasn’t sure what to say or do. He knew what he wanted to do and that was just to change his clothing because Jensen’s simple sounds had affected him greatly but what would his boyfriend say about that? The only other thing he wanted was to lay down, Jensen’s strong arms around his waist and put his face against his chest while he had a nice cry. Not because he was sad, not because he was tired or his stomach was in knots but because he’d had the experience of a life time with his best friend.

“I love you, Jared,” Jensen murmured and calmly brought Jared’s gaze up to his own. “I love you more than anything and I mean that.”

Jared let a small smile paint over his features. “I love you, too, Jen,” he mumbled quickly and pushed Jensen’s shorts back up with his clean hand. “I think I’m going to go—”

Jensen took Jared’s hand and brought it to his chest, wiping it clean across his tee-shirt. “You aren’t going anywhere,” Jensen said quietly.

Jared’s smile grew bigger instantly and he pressed his face to Jensen’s neck. “I’m going to change and get some ice from down the hall really fast; you make up the bed and clean up. Then we’ll talk about what just happened...” Jared’s words were slightly rushed but as he finished speaking he looked into Jensen’s eyes and winked subtly before jumping up from the couch and darting to where he’d put all of his boxers.

Jensen couldn’t wait for Jared to be back in his arms and he could finally plead his undying love to him. It was the perfect timing to express it anyway, Jensen thought, why not right after they’d just done something so beautiful ?


	26. Jared's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's turning 18, he gets a heartfelt surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I cant believe theres only 2 more chapters left!

Jared's heart began to beat quickly as he walked down the hall, a full bucket of ice in his hand and two cans of warm soda from his mother's room. He wanted to get back to the room and hide under the blankets before Jensen could get a word in edgewise. He did what he'd done because he wanted to, because he loved Jensen and wanted him to feel good but now, after saying they would talk about what had happened he didn't want to anymore. His stomach was having a fit the more that he thought about what conversation they were close to having and the possibilities it could bring...

Didn't most people start having sex after they did the first sexual thing? That was how it happened in all the movies, television shows and books Jared read. One day, it started just like how things had been with Jared and Jensen. They were adorable, innocent even then with a simple hand job, one or the other is pressured into sex and finally, it's over before they can say they're sorry.

Was Jared being dramatic again? He sort of felt like he was but he didn't want to have sex, hell, he didn't really want Jensen to touch him just yet. Well, he did and he didn't but the point was he didn't want to go to the point of no return until he was ready, until he and Jensen were so madly in love that they couldn't stand being apart for more than a minute. They already had hard times being apart, yes but maybe if they waited longer; it would get worse until Jared just wanted Jensen's hands everywhere on his body.

Jared stuck the two cans of pop into the top of the ice bucket and slipped the key into the door, sighing when it went red the first time and trying again. His body felt like Jell-O the second time, with the green light staring up at him. Now he really had to face the music and just tell Jensen that he loved touching him in such a way and wouldn't mind doing it again but not yet. That he wasn't even completely ready to have that part of his body caressed.

Jared held the door open with his foot and took a deep breath. It wouldn't be so bad. Jensen was really understanding anyway and they had been friends for so long, he would probably end up agreeing with him. Jared sighed once more and felt his head clearing a little. Jensen would so understand.

"Jen, I got us something to drink too, since we can't order room service," Jared called out. "Mom left me a room key to get into the cooler."

"Awesome, what'd you get?" Jensen replied, getting up from where he sat on the sofa and looking at Jared with a bright grin.

"For you, root beer," Jared giggled and tossed it to him, Jensen instantly catching it and drumming his nails over the top.

"Thanks," Jensen said, still smiling big.

Jared nodded and walked over to the dresser, setting the bucket down and pushing his soda down further into it. "Why don't you put it in here instead? They're both sort of warm."

Nodding his head, Jensen padded across the room and slipped his drink in beside Jared's before turning around and flopping down onto the bed.

Jared kept his eyes on the ice and how it molded around the cans, parts of each cube melting faster because of the metal cans. Wouldn't it be weird if that's how things started going with Jensen? Because they'd heated up, the cool parts in their relationship would start melting away, just dissolving like they hadn't ever been there? Jared didn't want that to happen, he'd thought he'd convinced himself of that earlier but it seemed that his mind was taking the best of him... Why did it have to do that so often, really?

"Jared?" Jensen said loudly, trying to get his attention. "Earth to Jared!"

Jared snapped his head up and turned around, catching Jensen's eye. "Oh, sorry, thinking," he mumbled and walked over to him, crawling onto the bed and up to where Jensen laid, facing him perfectly.

Reaching out slowly, Jared laced his fingers between Jensen's and shivered at the heat spiking through his body, making little beads of sweat want to come onto his skin. He always got warm and shy when around his boyfriend but things were going to be different now. He cared but he didn't. Jared enjoyed the way his skin reacted when it came into contact with Jensen’s; the little beads of sweat wouldn't bug him. It wasn't like he didn't already sweat at random times for no reason anyway.

"I love you," Jensen whispered. "And I don't want you to feel weird around me because of what just happened."

Jensen was going to start talking, good. Jared had no idea what he was going to say just yet anyway. He wasn't even sure he could say anything.

They were both silent for a moment, never breaking eye contact, not even for a single nanosecond. Jensen took a deep breath and ran his thumb across Jared's knuckles.

"I know it's strange, how you feel now and how I feel but we can pretend it didn't happen," his voice got quieter as he spoke. "I'm not mad and I won't be if that's what you want. We did that sort of on a whim, I know and I just want you to feel right about us, never confused or questioning..."

Jared moved closer and pressed a fast kiss against Jensen's mouth. He was saying the right things, saying what Jared really wanted to hear and it felt good to know that Jensen wasn't just wanting more and more.

"I love you, too, Jensen," Jared murmured. "I want to do that again someday, not yet, but soon... I don't want to pretend it didn't happen either. I liked it too much." Jensen grinned softly and gave Jared's hand a reassuring squeeze. "But I don't think I'm ready for you to do that to me..."

Jensen's smile didn't even twitch as Jared spoke or even when he was finished. "That's okay, babe," he said. "I'm okay with whatever you want. Except if you want to stop being my friend, I'm not okay with that."

Jared giggled quietly and felt his cheeks warming up, the pressure he'd felt on his shoulders releasing. "Maybe I don't want to be friends with you anymore," he teased and pulled his hand out of Jensen's. "You smell kind of funny and your face is kind of... odd."

Jensen's jaw dropped, his eyes growing wide. "Want to say that again, little boy?"

"Your face is odd!" Jared squealed loudly and soon, he was pinned against the bed, his legs trapped by Jensen's and his hands held up by one of Jensen's. He would have tried to break away but it was pointless, with the way he was laughing and way of Jensen tickling his sides. It wasn't that big of a deal anyway. He was happy with Jensen, happy they'd fixed everything, even if they weren't broken to begin with, in only a few soft words. As Jensen began tickling Jared more, it was as if nothing had happened. Except for the fact that it had.

 

One Week Later

 

Jensen tiptoed up the steps and made his way down the hall as slowly as he could, hoping that all of the bags from the week before weren't there anymore. He moved carefully in the dark for two reasons; it was pitch black at six o'clock in the morning and he couldn't wake Jared up before he got into his room and because of the date. It was January eighth or, in other words, it was Jared's eighteenth birthday. It was good news for both of them because it showed that Jared not only made it another year but he made it to the best birthday so far. He would be getting his license soon, he would be getting test results in about four months and everything would be going well once again.

Jensen pushed open the bedroom door, knowing that Jared was still asleep but still grinning when he saw his sleeping form in the light flickering in from the reflection off the blanket of snow on the ground below. Still trying not to make any noise, Jensen clicked the door closed and carefully pulled his shoes off, setting them near the bookshelf and padding over to Jared's bed.

It was probably one of the most adorable sights he had seen in a few days. Jared was wrapped up in a cocoon of covers, his head hardly poking out of the top but that wasn't the cutest part. The best part that Jensen could see was the two things lying over his boyfriend; the blanket that Gerald had always used, that Sherri had given him for Christmas, for him to have more memories and the hoodie Jensen had left there the night before, part of it directly below Jared's nose.

Jensen smiled and laid down slowly, his arms finding their way around Jared's body as he rested his chin to his shoulder. "Happy birthday, Jay," Jensen whispered in a sing-song voice. "You are eighteen years old as of this very second. It's six oh-nine..."

Jared groaned and rolled over slowly, his nose rubbing against the side of Jensen's cheek as he pushed at him, his arms still hidden in the covers. "Jen, go away, I'm sleeping," Jared mumbled, his eyes still closed. "You don't go to school on your birthday, I don't go on mine," he continued. "Go away."

Jensen laughed softly and pressed light kisses over Jared's cheek until he reached his mouth. Jared puckered, waiting for it but Jensen let out a sigh. "I don't kiss people that don't go to school," he said defiantly. "Sorry. I'll see you in eight hours and I'll kiss you in about twenty-four, when you get your butt back to school."

Jensen turned away and started to get up. Jared's hand shot out and he gripped his hoodie. "Three things, Jen," Jared said, his voice still soft with sleep. "It's my birthday, I'll go to school if you kiss me and you're warm! Get back here."

Jensen cracked a grin and lay down again, accepting the bombard of kissing from his boyfriend.  
* * *

 

Jensen placed his hands on Jared's hips and tried to keep his leg from bouncing as Jared sat there, staring at the few birthday gifts before him. "Babe, just pick something, okay? Two are left over from Christmas and the other I specifically got for today."

Jared sighed and sucked on his bottom lip, still staring at the three presents in identical paper but in different shapes. Two of them looked like boxes a tee-shirt would come in while the other looked like a book of some kind, simply by how thick it was and the odd shape. He didn't know which he wanted to open first. He was allowed all of them but he really, really couldn't decide.

"You pick, Mom," Jared said, looking up at Sherri walked through the room. "I can't and I trust you more than myself right now."

With a quick glance down she grinned and threw a wink in Jensen's direction. "Can't help, you've got to do this yourself. But I know that whatever you decide, you're going to love what's inside. I surely did," she said and giggled before walking up the stairs with her basket of laundry.

Jared groaned and flung himself back against Jensen's chest. "I can't believe you told her what's in them too..."

"I've never kept things from her, Jared, you know that."

Reaching forward with his eyes closed, Jared grabbed one of the boxes and pulled it back into his lap. It was the one that had looked like a book before he actually picked it up. It was far too light to be a book but it was heavier than anything that could have been a tee-shirt. Jared propped his feet up on the coffee table and settled into Jensen further, grinning when he slipped his arms around Jared's waist, holding him closer.

Jared flipped the package over carefully and slipped his finger beneath the two parts of paper, cutting the tap away and eventually pulling the paperback completely. Turning the box around again, Jared felt his heart drop. What was in this thing and why did his hands suddenly feel so clammy? Whatever it was, he would love it, that was obvious but he felt as if this was better than anything he'd ever gotten.

Jared lifted the lid off of the top of the box and sighed heavily, his heart dropping further into his stomach. It was better than anything he'd ever gotten; it was the most beautiful gift he could have gotten in fact. Jared quickly spun around in Jensen's lap, setting the box on the couch beside them and kissed him many times over again.

He got the one thing that made him happier than anything else in the world; the last photo that was taken of him and his father, the photo he thought was long gone, the photo that he'd been told was mistakenly deleted so many years ago... It was there, in all of its glory, framed with the top engraved Father and Son, an everlasting love ...


	27. Prom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys only one more chapter...im a little sad.

May 2nd, 2015

Jared felt kind of silly as he walked up the front steps of his best friend’s house. He’d gotten his hair done for the first time in months, though most of it was fake it felt good not having to place a wig atop his head every morning, even if it was simpler than this would be. 

Maybe Jensen wouldn’t notice and if he did, maybe he would look passed that and just see that Jared didn’t have to hide beneath a wig any longer. He could come out from the shell he’d been hiding in for the past several months and finally be free of everything that was so negative in his life.

Although he still didn’t know if he was in remission or cancer free yet, he did know that he was only getting weekly tests, not feeling as sick as usual and he most definitely wasn’t feeling like he thought he would for most of these things. Now he was going through full weeks at school, without having to miss more than a single class or two in the entire five days. He felt confident finally and even wasn’t too shy to explain minor details to people that weren’t Chad, Sherri, Jensen or Jensen’s parents.

Or, the newest addition to his circle of friends, Chad’s girlfriend Sophia. She’d met Chad while Jared and Jensen had been away in Florida for the holiday and when Jared came back his other best friend was falling harder and harder for the Russian exchange student. Jared and Jensen were still learning about him but she seemed nice enough and she treated Chad well. Who were they to say anything against it?

Aside from having Sophia in his life now and the new hair on his head, most other aspects stayed the same in the last months. 

Jared pressed in the doorbell to his best friend’s house and waited. Well, one other thing had changed lately. In the past week or two, both Jared and Jensen had incredibly strong feelings for the other – and not just emotionally – Jared hadn’t felt the same for Jensen as before. He’d felt more in love with him, more in dire need of him and most of all, more lust to repeat what had happened over winter break. Jared was far too shy to ever mention anything though. He simply pretended that lust didn’t exist. Eventually, he and Jensen would have fun like that again but not yet. Unfortunately.

Jared grinned as the front door was opened, revealing, at first, a bright smiling Jensen but soon his smile grew smaller as he took a few steps toward his best friend and touched his newly highlighted hair, Jared had decided it was time for a change so he added some lighter tones to his hair and gave it a tiny trim—not noticeable. Jared waited, knowing that Jensen was simply trying to take in what he saw. Jensen looked deep in thought as he ran his fingers through Jared’s hair before he leaned forward and kissed the side of Jared’s head.

“You have hair that I can run my fingers through again,” he laughed softly. “Looks way better than mine.”

The dyed hair teen shook his head and tugged on one of Jensen’s spiked pieces of hair. “No, I wouldn’t say that. 

Jared let out a tiny laugh as his mouth was covered by his boyfriend’s; that had to be the one thing that had really changed. Kissing was so different. Sometimes, they were shy and sweet, like in the school hallways or before their parents when, if they wanted to, one went home for the evening. More and more though, they weren’t as simple as before. Jared was beginning to feel the fire in his belly as Jensen kissed him, when he held him and sometimes he felt like he was going to pass out just from the way Jensen’s hands would travel over his sore shoulders or back...

Slowly, Jared pulled back from Jensen’s mouth and gave him a shy smile before turning his gaze down to his feet.

Jensen pulled Jared into his arms and pulled him gently into the house. “I have a surprise and I want you to keep your eyes closed for a few minutes, okay?”

Jared nodded and immediately snapped his eyes closed, hugging Jensen tightly. “Am I going to cry?” he asked quietly and giggled.

“You shouldn’t,” Jensen replied and turned Jared around in his arms, placing his hand over his boyfriend’s eyes and resting his chin against his shoulder. “It’s a happy surprise, if I do say so myself. I think you’ll be excited.”

Jared nearly vibrated in anticipation for whatever was coming. He couldn’t think of anything that could have possibly going on that would make Jensen so sneaky. All Jared had been told was that the moment he finished getting his hair done to come over because he, Jensen, Chad and Sophia were going on a double date. That was all that he’d been told so what could have been kept from him?

Jared heard the rustling of a plastic back and put his hand on Jensen’s wrist. “What’s going on, Jen?”

“Hang on,” Jensen whispered into his ear and pressed his lips behind Jared’s ear. “We’re almost ready to show you.”

“We?”

“Chad, Sophia and I,” Jensen replied quietly and sniggered at something but Jared couldn’t tell what.

“Alright, let him open, I think this is perfect,” Chad said, trying to keep his voice low.

Slowly, Jensen’s hand moved from Jared’s eyes and allowed him to see what was lying over the sofa before him. He hadn’t expected this, it was a great surprise but it was bringing tears to his eyes. On the sofa were two tuxedos, both had matching boutonnières tucked into the lapels. Both were perfectly black and crisp, apart from the flowers that were a soft shade of blue. Jared wasn’t sure he could breathe, let alone move forward enough to touch the stunning suits. What was Jensen thinking? They said it was just too expensive this year and they’d skip it...

“Jensen...” Jared whispered and turned to face his boyfriend, tiny tears collecting by his nose. “You said...”

“I know what I said,” Jensen replied and gently wiped Jared’s tears away. “My parents found the money with a tiny bit of help from Sherri. I wanted you to have prom and so I made it happen.”

Jared threw his arms around Jensen’s neck and clung to his body. He was beyond happy, beyond excited and surprised. He couldn’t even pick an emotion and stay there for more than a few moments. He was simply ready to finally have the prom that he’d missed the year before.

“Thank you,” he mumbled and pressed his mouth against Jensen’s with much force. He didn’t care that Chad or Sophia were standing close to them, he wanted to show Jensen how thankful he was.

But after a few moments, Chad grabbed Jared by the hips and tugged him away from Jensen. “That’s what after prom is for, Jared. We need to get you into your tux and get to dinner!”

Jared smiled and pulled away from his friend for a moment, dotting multiple kisses against Jensen’s sweet lips. “Thank you, so much,” he whispered quietly and turned to the couch.

Jensen watched Jared closely as he picked up the suit Chad pointed out as being his and quickly whirled up the stairs and back to Jensen’s room. Jensen couldn’t have been more pleased with Jared’s reaction to the surprise. Jensen had feared that Jared wouldn’t be pleased with the idea of prom. Jensen shook his head and grinned at Sophia before picking up his own tux and walking back to the downstairs spare bedroom.  
* * *

 

Jared didn’t care about how many people saw him letting himself go or how many people were giving him the evil eye or how many people were gawking over Jensen, he was having the time of his life. He didn’t feel an ounce of sickness in his body and he didn’t think for a moment that the night would end badly. He was pleased and finally able to let himself live the life he should have been living. Just because he’d had cancer didn’t mean he should have let it completely control his life and he was finally beginning to see that. 

When they’d first gotten to the dance, Jared felt silly and out of place. He didn’t want to start dancing with Jensen and look like a fool so he waited but as soon as he saw the first few couples move onto the dance floor, he felt a lot better. After only an hour, Jared felt fine pulling off his suit jacket and grinding with his boyfriend. Everyone else was doing it anyway, why not have some fun?

Jared, no matter how shy he normally was, he couldn’t help but enjoy the feeling of Jensen pressed so far against his backside in such a delicious way. He would ever admit it to Jensen or anyone else but he surely did enjoy the feeling.

Jensen slid his arms around Jared’s waist as a faster song came on and rested his chin on Jared’s shoulder. “I never pictured you to dance like this,” he whispered to him. “It’s... interesting.”

Jared grinned and moved against Jensen, loving how close he was and the head rolling off of him in waves. “I hope that’s a good interesting, Jen.”

Jensen pressed further into Jared and kissed his neck gently, testing him. “It is.”

Jared felt his body getting warm again, like it had so many months ago. He didn’t want to let this happen, not in a room full of people... He was embarrassed when it happened just with Jensen around which had only happened once. Jared couldn’t stop himself though; he simply wrapped his hands around Jensen’s wrists and pushed against him once again. It felt too good to stop.

 

Jared grinned and squeezed Chad tightly in his arms. “I’ll see you on Tuesday. My mom’s letting me use senior skip day,” he giggled.

Chad smiled as well and pulled away, turning toward Sophia. “I’m using it too. Have a good night, Jared but remember, be safe!”

Jared felt his cheeks warming quickly. He should have guessed Chad would have said something like that. Jared slapped his forehead and closed the front door. Jensen was already upstairs changing, complaining about his tie which left Jared a few moments to think before he got up to his boyfriend. They had ended up dancing close until the last moment and Jared could still feel the heat rushing through his blood stream and burning his veins.

The dance had done more than get Jared into having fun again. It got him into feeling alive, feeling like he should always feel. He was finally accepting that sometimes, life wasn’t fair and things happened that weren’t the best but he wasn’t going to let it get him down any longer. He didn’t know how much longer he had but he did know that he was going to spend it with Jensen and pretending nothing was wrong.

Pulling on his tie, Jared walked up the stairs quickly. They were staying at his house but Sherri was off on a business trip. Jared wondered for a moment if she knew about the surprise but quickly lost his train of thought as Jensen came out of the bathroom in just his pajama pants.

“I didn’t think a tux would be so hot,” Jensen laughed softly and touched Jared’s arm. “You alright?”

Jared nodded and kept his eyes on Jensen’s face. He knew if he looked down for a split second he would instantly jump on Jensen and kiss him senseless. Even if he was going to stop acting that his life was a mess, he didn’t mean he would allow himself to jump on his boyfriend like some horny teenage... although he was one...

He couldn’t hold it off anymore. It had been nearly five long months of nothing and the thought of what had happened was eating at his memories, he just had to feel Jensen again. Jared moved forward quickly, wrapping his arms tightly around Jensen’s neck and molding their mouths together. Jensen tasted so sweet, just like the punch from the dance. Jared couldn’t remember the last time he’d been able to feel Jensen’s tongue against his own in such a demanding way.

Jensen stumbled backward for a moment before dropping his tux on the grown and catching his balance. Quickly, his hands gripped Jared’s sides, opening his boyfriend’s mouth and gently caressing his tongue. Their movements were fast and thoughtless as they walked back into the bedroom, their hands gripping each other. Thought both knew what their limitations were; it was the feeling need that was getting them so excited and ready for more.

Jared pulled Jensen on top of him, kissing him with as much force as he could as his legs wound around Jensen’s waist, grinding into him. Jensen groaned softly into Jared’s mouth and fell forward, catching himself before he fell onto Jared and allowed his tongue to continue working.

Jared whimpered quietly and thrust his hips forward, rubbing against Jensen’s stomach. “Jensen...” he sighed and twisted his boyfriend’s braids between his fingers.

Jensen pulled away after another moment and kissed the corner of Jared’s mouth. “I’m sorry. I know you said about not wanting me to touch—”

Forcing his mouth of Jensen’s, Jared shook his head. “That was months ago...” he whispered. “I want you to touch me, Jen.”

Jensen moved quickly, pushing Jared onto his back and beginning with the button and zipper of his dress pants, mouth against Jared’s. Jared sounded so sure, he didn’t need to be told again. Jared smiled into the kisses he was receiving and lifted his hips off of the mattress for a moment, allowing Jensen to pull his pants off and lay them on the opposite side of the bed.

Parting from Jared for a moment, Jensen looked down over his boyfriend’s body beneath him. Jared was shaking steadily, his hands quivering as they gripped the comforter. His eyes were closed softly with the loose hair from his wig sticking to his forehead. Jared looked beautiful, there was no doubt about that but something was making him so much more breathtaking as Jensen gently worked down his buttons, his eyes never leaving Jared’s face.

Jared shrugged out of his shirt carefully and laid back down, his eyes locking on Jensen’s as he moved closer to him, still settled between his legs. Jensen reached out and slid his hands up Jared’s thighs, warily caressing his soft skin.

Jared gave Jensen the most reassuring smile he could and nodded his head. “I want this,” he murmured.

Jensen nodded and took the bottom of Jared’s boxers in his hands and slowly tugged them down his boyfriend’s slender hips. Jared gasped as the air rushed around him but he wasn’t cold for long. Before he could really allow the air have much effect on him, Jensen’s hand took place on him, gently working him with long strokes.

Jared hadn’t ever been touched in such a loving way before and had hardly ever done such a thing to himself but it felt good. It felt right. With Jensen’s hand moving on him, their lips moving together and his hips thrusting forward every few moments, Jared knew it was all right, no matter what.

He sighed out his best friend’s name as he came to his climax, so spent that he didn’t care if he were a mess or not and simply pulled Jensen on top of him, clinging to him and burying his face into his neck. Jared laughed softly and kissed the side of his best friend’s neck.

Jensen laughed happily into Jared’s ear, panting quietly. “I love you,” he whispered.

“God, Jen,” Jared sighed and gripped him tighter. “I love you, too .”


	28. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys graduate and Jared gets some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys this is the end of the road, I hope you liked it! Thank you for al the wonderful comments they were amazing!

Opening the front door, Jared poked his head out and lifted the lid to the mailbox. After grabbing the mail, he closed the lid and retreated inside. There was a letter from the electricity company, the cable company and their cell phone company but those were unimportant as Jared saw the last letter addressed to him from the hospital. To say Jared was surprised and suddenly completely terrified would be predictable but he was. He knew as soon as he saw the return address that he would have to run as fast as possible down to Jensen’s house and pray he was awake.

It was the Saturday of graduation but that didn’t mean Jensen was up and about. Hopefully he would be in case the letter had bad news in it and Jared ended up needing his shoulder to cry on.

“Mom!” Jared yelled, folding his letter in half and shoved it into his pocket. “I’m setting the mail on the coffee table and going down to Jensen’s. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Wait, Jared!” she hollered from the top of the stairs. “I have something for you.”

Jared sighed and walked over to the bottom of the staircase, looking at her. Sherri smiled and held out a small blue bag. “Come up here and open your graduation present.”

Jared blushed softly and climbed up to stand a step below her, taking the bag from her. “I told you all I want to do is get my license.”

“That’s one part of it, I’m going to let you but this is the materialistic part of it,” she grinned and poked his shoulder. “Open it then you can go get ready with Jensen.”

His cheeks turning warm, Jared nodded and pulled the tissue paper out of the top of the bag. Sitting inside the bag was a little key chain with two keys hanging off of it. The key chain was the one that Gerald had carried ever since Jared could remember. Picking up the keys, Jared felt his heart beating faster. The little music note was just as dirty as the last time Jared had seen it but now it had one difference to it; Sherri and Gerald’s names were engraved into the side of it.

“Thanks, Mom,” he murmured and pulled her into a hug. “But why aren’t you using it anymore?”

Sherri laughed quietly. “Because my car keys already have somewhere to hang, yours don’t.”

Jared leaned back and stared at his mother for a few moments. Had he really heard her right? “What?”

Sherri laughed once again and pointed at the keys in Jared’s hand. “Car key and house key. I was able to find a great car at a good price and I figured you wouldn’t mind that for graduation. Jensen probably won’t mind riding in it when it gets here either.”

Jared gave his mother a huge grin and hugged her once again. “Thank you so much. Where is it?”

“Getting repainted. The old owner offered to do it for free since it was looking a little dingy,” she explained. “I hope you don’t mind an orange car.”

“Tastefully orange?”

“Of course,” she smiled. “Get going to Jensen’s. I’ll meet you at the ceremony in front to get some pictures.”

Nodding once, Jared kissed his mom’s cheek and began down the stairs again. “Thanks again, Mom! I’m sure I’ll love the car.”  
* * *

 

Pulling the letter out of his pocket, Jared stood in front of Jensen and pointed to the return address. “My mom doesn’t even know it came today. I wanted to open it with you...”

Jensen stared at the envelope for a few moments before meeting Jared’s intense gaze. “Shouldn’t we wait until after graduation? I thought you said that if it came before you’d wait until you had your diploma.”

Jared nodded and sat down in Jensen’s lap. “I know but I don’t know if I can wait any longer. I’ve already had it for half an hour and it’s killing me not know what’s inside. Remission, completely cancer free or no change whatsoever, I really want to know what it says...”

Jensen rested his hands on Jared’s lower back, keeping him from falling and nodded. “It’s up to you, it really is. I want to know what it says too but after might be a better idea because if it doesn’t say what we want it to say, we’ll be upset all through graduation...”

“That was my other thought,” Jared said, agreeing with what Jensen said. “If it says nothing’s changed and I need to go back to having weekly appointments, I don’t want to sob all through the ceremony and just turn today into a terrible day.”

“No matter what that letter says, you’ve got me, Chad, Sophia and your mom. We’ll get through it...” Jensen promised and kissed the side of Jared’s head.

Jared sighed and slid his arms around Jensen’s neck, hugging him. “Thank you, Jensen...” he whispered and clung tightly to him as a few tears slipped out of his eyes.

The letter fell from Jared’s hand onto the bed as he cried gently. He wasn’t exactly scared of what would be inside that little envelop but he was worried that maybe the letter would change everything he’s set up for himself. He knew what would come of more treatment and other ones that the doctor had set up in case but he didn’t know if his fear would come back the moment the letter said what he didn’t want to hear...  
* * *

 

Jared was thrilled when he got back to his seat, diploma in hand. Now he just had to wait a few more minutes until the ending of the alphabet went and Jensen had his. After that, they’d throw their hats up and be dismissed into the rest of their lives.

Jared was obviously still thinking about the letter that was sitting in his pocket but he knew he had to be patient. He and Jensen were going to open it before they left for dinner with their families and though it might not be a good idea to do that before celebrating, Jared knew it was the best time to do it.

Jared grinned when he heard his boyfriend’s name being called. Jared turned his gaze up to the center of the arena, seeing the giant screen that was broadcasting the entire gradation on Mishawaka’s town television channel as well as there for everyone else to see. Jared could see Jensen’s blonde hair and soon, heard his name and Jared grinned.

They were both done. He’d made it through high school, he’d graduated with honors even and now he and Jensen would move on in life, even if he still wasn’t healthy.  
* * *

 

Jared stood next to Sherri, Alan and Donna, waiting for Jensen to finish seeing all of his own friends before they were able to run off to dinner. Jensen had only been gone for about fifteen minutes but Jared really just wanted to break out the letter that was still in his pocket and go celebrate more than just one thing.

Jensen came down the corridor a few minutes later with a few of his friends chattering along side of him, trying to figure out which college he was going to be attending. Truth be told, he and Jared hadn’t applied to college. They didn’t know if they wanted to even risk being accepted if they wouldn’t be in the mood to be studying somewhere away from the hospital that Jared was comfortable in.

Of course, Jared and Jensen both hoped they wouldn’t need to be near that hospital any longer but they didn’t want to completely disregard the fact that from Jared’s last test, he still had cancer.

Jensen crept up behind Jared and wound his arms tightly around his waist. “Where’s the letter?” he whispered into Jared’s ear.

Giggling quietly, Jared turned around and pressed his mouth tenderly against Jensen’s. Snatching the white paper from his pocket, Jared presented the letter and slid his finger between the folds of the paper, since it was already out of the envelop.

“You’ve got to tell me what it says though? And you can’t chicken out,” he said softly, looking deep into Jensen’s eyes.

“I know,” the speckled boy nodded and kissed his boyfriend once again.

Jared and Jensen had talked before leaving about how they were going to open the letter. Jensen was going to read it and tell Jared just what it said but Jared didn’t ever want to see what it actually said. He trusted Jensen more than he trusted the words on the paper and the tricks his eyes might play on him. Jensen promised and that was that.

Jensen took the paper from Jared’s hand and slowly opened it. He could hardly read the first two sentences of the letter before he picked Jared up and spun him in a circle. He didn’t know what to say but he knew that was enough and within moments, Jared would pick up on his mood.

The paper fell to the ground and Sherri picked it up to see what had gotten her son and his boyfriend into such wonderful moods. She nearly screamed as she saw what had been written across the paper in letters that seemed ten feet tall.

Cancer Status: REMISSION

Sherri squealed and threw her arms around Jared and Jensen, not caring if they wanted to celebrate themselves for a moment. She was thrilled. Her baby was going to be okay, he was going to be healthy and happy for many, many years to come. All of the money and time, tears, blood and sweat spent in that hospital was finally worth it. Jared was going to be as healthy as the day he was born.

After a few moments, Sherri pulled away and kissed the side of Jared’s head. “Jensen’s parents and I are going to go get in the car. Come out as soon as you’re done here,” she blushed softly and walked away from them, tiny happy tears falling over her cheeks.

The moment Jared knew his mother had walked away; he forced his mouth against Jensen’s and groaned with happiness.

“What’d it say?” Jared whispered into Jensen’s mouth.

Jensen pressed more loving kisses against his sweet lips. “Remission but that’s a start.”

“One hell of a start too,” Jared giggled and continued pressing their mouths together.

He was in remission, it wasn’t cancer free but he knew that would be the next thing on his list to do. And he would do it. He’d become one hundred percent healthy by the time he turned twenty-one and that was his goal now.

Kissing all over Jensen’s mouth and face, Jared didn’t realize that he was crying until Jensen ran his thumbs over Jared’s cheeks when they parted for air.

“This is only the start, baby,” Jensen whispered, wiping away the moisture. “After this, it’s college, cancer free then who knows. Maybe we’ll go to France or something.”

Jared laughed softly and shook his head. “I don’t care what happens next, Jen as long as it’s with you and no cancer .”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!~


End file.
